I think SS is hurting my baby

Well that's nice, but what happens when your husband, who is the father of the child and the baby decides he feels the same?

He is family. He is a child. This is his home. These are facts, not opinion.

It's all very well going all Jeremy Kyle and kicking lucifer to the kerb, but this is is home, OP is the adult and this needs dealing with.

My brother was like this with me when I was a baby. He was often told to leave me alone. It transpires now that he felt very jealous of of mum's attention of me. Unfortunately it escalated around age 5, he was moved into a children's home, as he was considered a danger to me. I still remember it well. I felt extremely vulnerable, and I don't trust people because of it. I honestly think you should stop having him around your baby, as it will damage them mentally in the long run. Keep him away.

Some mental responses on here! It's one incident and one possible incident, from a child who is clearly feeling something bigger than they can handle at the meager age of six. He's not a tiny psychopath!

OP personally feel the most important and impactful thing you can do is align on your response with your step son's mother.

Appreciate the relationship between parties might make that hard, but if you can raise the issue so she's aware, and forge a way to land on a consistent approach to both handling your SS's outbursts and how you will respectively support with his feelings, that could really help.

Otherwise, keep being consistent in how you respond to situations yourselves. Kids are smarter than we give them credit for, and will learn that certain rules go in your home.

No game changing advice on keeping your baby safe, other than perhaps using a sling (if she's not too big at one)?

@GreenPinkLilac Who else in the household has small pinching hands capable of bruising a vulnerable baby..

Wake up and protect your baby!

Full siblings can do this to each other, try not to panic, or listen to anyone telling you to ring social services or ban him from the house. Luckily you've got more sense than that. Basically, he's hurting, but you know this.

I think what I would do, as well as accepting that I was feeling really upset because this was upsetting, would be to get a second hand buckle carrier so I could chuck the baby on my back when I wasn't able to have eyes on her, cooking, setting the table, folding washing, whatever.

I would also tell him that baby has bruises on her, and nursery have noticed and that nursery is there to help parents look after children and they get upset like families do if children get hurt. Nursery are worried and wondering where they came from, because parents can get in really big trouble if it's thought they are hurting their babies and children. Ask him if he can help you look after the baby, as you're all a family and have look after each other and keep each other safe.

I think anything stronger at this point could cause him to feel ashamed and double down, I'd be concentrating on bringing him in, not othering him and sending him away. Time in, not time out, as it were. Good luck.

It really is !
Especially hard enough to leave bruising in shape of hand marks.

Id be very concerned about escalation regarding hurting the baby.

CCTV cameras or I’d be wanting to leave to protect the baby.

Yeah I wouldn't be letting Damien step over my threshold again.

Don't give any fucks if my husband or whoever was like 'but he's family, but he's just a child, but he's blah blah blah'

Hell nah. My motherly instinct overrides any of that shit. I'll protect and defend me and mine at the cost of my marriage, money, house, people's feelings and relationships.

Fuck that.

“If it really wasn’t you who hurt baby, and it couldn’t have been anyone else, I have no choice but to keep baby with me at all times to stop her being hurt again. This means we can’t have 1:1 time together. Baby has no voice to tell me who did this, and she needs protecting. Do you agree baby should not be hurt, SS?”

I would ask SS to help you with a task and make him feel important. Explain to him that the baby keeps hurting herself and getting bruises and you need him to help with the important job of keeping her bruise free. Make him feel important and actively take part in keeping her safe.

As you’re only 99% sure it’s him I’d just put a camera in the living room for the time being, while also making sure they’re never alone together (I know they weren’t, but still).

He’s only 6 himself and being jealous of a new baby isn’t unheard of but it still doesn’t give him the right to do it.

Thing is, you're looking out for and wanting to protect your baby. Who is doing that in the other house if the mum always takes his side? It's more than just your baby being injured.

If he’s causing bruising on the baby then I wouldn’t have him there if dh isn’t there and you’re spreading yourself thinly between the 4 dc. Social services can and do remove non mobile babies for a single bruise.

I think you are wrong to call him a horrible little boy.
He is clearly struggling. There is a new baby in dad's house and it sounds like a newish sibling at his mum's.
I think he needs help with emotions, and that the parents need to seek support to help him rather than banning him from their home (rejection this proving he is unloved).

A good therapist can work through the sibling issues with play, and this might well resolve with age.

Dh could take him camping, to forest school and use the time with his son really well - away from the house so you don’t have to stay on guard the whole time op.

When talking to SC, be open they react badly to “defensive” behavior. Show you have nothing to hide and tell them strategy you have for being more watchful. That you will not leave them alone.
Invite them to speak to SC. Usually they get nothing from kids as kids don’t open up to strangers carrying a bag full of paper.

He sounds like he has got a lot of issues. You are pretty sure he hurt the baby and he has hurt his siblings in the past. You say there have also been some incidents at school (again in the past which have been dealt with). He tells lies, especially to his dad.

You need to come up with a plan with his dad for how you will deal with this in your home. What will the consequences be if he hurts someone and tells lies?
Also has dad spoken to school about this or does he leave that to the mum? I think this boy needs support, whether he has some sen need or not, he should at least be on their radar in terms of support. There are things like play therapy which could help him manage emotions for example.

@Pigcasso

"My dad and mum got divorced when I was 2, I have visited him at his new house but it was never MY home, I was the visitor

I would not have a violent child around my baby"

I think that's really sad though that you were made to feel like that and I don't think children should be made to feel like a visitor in their own parent's house

The OP has clearly stated she is not crawling or mobile.

This.

If professionals see hand marks they will rightly so report to SS.
What a horrible little boy.

My dad and mum got divorced when I was 2, I have visited him at his new house but it was never MY home, I was the visitor

I would not have a violent child around my baby

...and people wonder why step children often feel unloved, unwanted and like a burden. What a horrible attitude.

They could end up being investigated by SS for child abuse, of course they have to take action.

I think you need to go to the GP. How hard would a 6 year old have to squeeze to leave a bruise? If the child didn't cry then it can't have been that hard? Maybe there's something underlying. If not then at least you've checked.