AIBU - house purchase with partner

If you have a child together and are currently living in a house you own what has the financial set up been to date? Has DP been paying anything other than just a % of bills and if so how much. How was maternity leave covered financially if you weren't on full pay the whole time? Do you solely pay for your DC/is there any maintenance from their DF? Who does the child care/household tasks/mental load? All those things really should have a baring on how you proceed as it's the best indication of intent/proper family unit.

The OP has the most to lose from marriage though - she has an asset, he doesn't.

If the property decreases in value then OP loses out

If he drags his heels on a sale for best price OP loses out

If they decide to split and want a quick sale OP loses out

If he becomes unpleasant and OP feels she must be the one to move out her 300k is unusable until the sale completes.

He is benefiting from not only a mortgage as leverage, but also her deposit to generate capital growth, but not taking any risk

Personally, I wouldn't buy without being married. Why make such a financial commitment, which will be very messy to undo if you're not committed to a long-term future together? And if you are committed to a long-term future, then why aren't you getting married? Makes no sense and I feel you're setting yourselves up for a messy split in future.

This depends on whose the additional 2 children are. Yours or his.

But actually what the OP is proposing is that her deposit is ring fenced her partner pays 70% of the mortgage but any equity after the deposit is taken off is split 50/50

it isn’t the OP who is losing out with that

Mortgage company would still require you to be on the mortgage and you would be liable for the payments.

Please spend a few hundred quid and get some time with a solicitor with you and your partner, and then just by yourself to understand the ins and outs of all of this.

As far as I see it you are putting a huge amount of risk on you and your kids and I can't see any risk, but only benefit for your partner.

Op I would advise getting legal advice about this from a solicitor on your own, not the one you intend to instruct for the conveyancing. But you need to look after yourself and future proof any arrangement for you, not your partner. In other words stop thinking about them, they can do that, think about you.

I would shy away from owning it in a joint tenancy particularly as you have children that aren’t his - this means that when you die it automatically becomes his and that isn’t I don’t think what you want. Particularly as that may well not ring fence your deposit. You don’t want a joint tenancy and you aren’t married so you don’t need one

get legal advice separately setting out what you want - the money you are putting in to remain yours and the mortgage side to be split 70/30

I don’t get all the angst - a decent solicitor will be able to get her deposit safe and allow them to own different shares (if that is what they want) and means that those shares don’t automatically go to the other (which is also needed)

the OP and her partner need proper legal advice

Pay 70:30 until he has paid off 300k from the mortgage? Then remove ringfence?

I agree you should ring fence your deposit and split the stamp duty. If he earns 3x your salary I can't see the issue with 70/30 split of outgoings but agree if you split the profit (after your deposit should be 70:30.

If he earns 3x your salary, why hasn’t he already bought a property?

Is he bad with money? Does he gamble?

Why are you doing this?
Who benefits with you putting your childrens home and security at risk?
Certainly not your children?
Why would you dream of putting your home at any ridk for any man.

Let him buy a house for himself and you stay put.
Anything is madness.
Don't risk your childrens home.
So many women do and bitterly regret it.
Keep your home safe.
Blending is so so difficult.

Honestly, I wouldn't be selling up and buying with this person. You're already looking to 'what will happen when we split up' etc. Maybe being sensible, maybe your gut telling you that you're not convinced he's the long term partner you want.
Does your partner live in your home with you? How do bills work just now? Lots to think about and I'd be having a chat with a friend who knows you well, as well as a lawyer who can give decent legal advice in your situation.

If he is hostile about you protecting your risk, that screams cock-lodger vibes, so please do not buy a house with him. Maybe rent a nice big house with him until you see his true colours, and invest your nest egg? I'm sure he's not the above, but just incase. Had too many friends burned by this.

This feels so clean, and is making me less nervous for the OP.

Yes, you would have to be "tenants in common", my mum insisted on this with her partner, along with a will that stipulated he could only stay in the house for two years after her death, and then it had to be sold and the assets distributed according to the "tenants in common," with her half going to me, and the rest to him. So you know, after she died her ex claimed he'd paid more in terms of mortgage payments, but it didn't wash because bank statements showed that she'd put all the deposit down, and had paid equal in food and bills to his extra mortgage payments. Unfortunately for him my mum was an accountant and had kept tight books. Importantly, what was drawn up was set in stone.

Are you dead set on this particular property?

I would find a house for £600k. You pay for your half outright, he gets a mortgage for his half.

Then get proper legal advice @Whatshouldidoinlife to sort out a deed of trust and tenants in common

and get wills sorted as well

You don’t have to own it 50/50 or be joint tenants - I would say here with the blended nature and the children tenants in common makes sense and reflects what you want

I hear that. If you don't want to be "financially stung" again, get a no-nup, it's just a pre-nup for the unmarried.