AIBU - house purchase with partner

Sounds messy but I agree with paying a percentagecof your income.

My DP earns more than me and he puts more than me into the joint account thatcoays the mortgage/bills/shopping etc..

Works for us. He knows he couldn't have had his career (works away lots) if I'd not gone part-time to be with our children. I'm not paying the same as him otherwise I'd have no money each month.

He has not got a deposit to buy a family home for himself, let alone for the child he has with you

How do you know this? The OP wants a 4 bed home (she states she wants a room each for her children). Her dp would need at most a 2bed flat for him and his child. He has 30k to put down as a deposit and, contrary to the MN narrative, its entirely possible to buy a 2bed flat or small home with a 30k deposit in vast swathes of the UK.

You have 3 children to provide housing for.

Men walk away all the time and do.
You need to prepared for worst case scenario not best.
Don't be one of those women kicking themselves for being cavalier with their childrens home.
They deserve better from you than that.

Men walk out the door all the time.

Sounds incredibly messy. What happens if you break up and you need to sell to get the money but he doesn't so won't sell and wants to sit on it til the market improves? What if you want to sell in order to fund getting a mortgage somewhere else and having a family with someone else and he doesn't?

Don't buy a house with friends as you may find you have differing long term life goals that clash. If you buy with a partner then make them an equal partner as they would be in a marriage. I'm afraid the only real way to do this is to get married. Since you both haven't, don't buy with him. Keep your existing asset in your name only.

@Whatshouldidoinlife if he earns so much, why has he saved so little?

You do not seem "grabby" at all. He has not got a deposit to buy a family home for himself, let alone for the child he has with you. You are facilitating that, and he may well pay more of the mortgage, but if you split the bills equally it will take decades for his increase in mortgage payments to reach even with your £300,000 deposit! "Grabby?" Really? I'd say you're caution is savvy...

I agree the OP seems grabby

Thanks. I had read the post but I wanted OP to spell it out again.

Because it seems to me that OP is the one being grabby.

First having ring fenced her deposit she wants 50% of the equity while only paying 30% of the mortgage.

Then when someone suggests they buy a house for £600k, her deposit is her half and the partner gets a mortgage for his share her immediate reaction is does that mean she only pays half the bills. Well no, when 1.5 of the household relates to the partner (him and half their shared child) and 3.5 to her, ie including the kids who are only hers, she should be paying more than half the bills, for food and utilities (assuming her DCs are going to want showers, the bigger house with bigger bills is for her DCs to have nicer rooms etc).

Yes her deposit means they could buy the house, but that doesn't mean she gets preferential treatment on everything else.

One is his. Two are not.

OP if you have 3 children to house, only one of which is dps, why are you trying to arrange bills etc proportionate to wage so you pay less? Why should he subsidise the large house needed to house the additional children you have? He has a responsibility to his child. Not yours.

If DP currently rents, does that mean you have never lived together? It is a worry to take on a 700k property with someone you have never lived with.

He's divorced i presume?

Are they all his?

Can you not port your existing mortgage onto a new property and add your partner in as a transfer of equity? That only cost me about £300 (although admittedly that was years ago! Suspect less than ERC though).

That's my only comment as others have addressed the other bits.

Just saw this is a recent promotion. Is it a secure job (as any are these days)? Don’t overstretch yourselves.

Are all 3 children yours?

Just because your salary is lower, don’t underestimate the broader value of £240k deposit, which you’re right to ring-fence. That’s huge and will mean lower interest rates too etc.

Regarding securing %’s which I agree with, ultimately it is also his child living there and presumably he wants a certain standard in that situation so if he proportionally paid more on the mortgage and it was clearly outlined, don’t see the issue. He has benefitted from your deposit. There has to be some compromise else you’ll need a degree in economics to calculate it.

Again, if you're financially scared then making a £700k purchase is absolute madness.

I think any early redemption fees for the current mortgage plus stamp duty and all other moving costs should be classed as costs and split in whatever way you end up owning the property. Your proportion of costs can come out of equity and he can pay cash for his.

Then she can’t buy with him

they should have a declaration of trust and decide to be tenants in common

and NOT get married