AIBU - house purchase with partner

So you don't want her to live alone and you don't want them to rent together or buy together? What can she do then?

And again. You might get there eventually.

I guess you want her to live alone forever?

She's already putting down three hundred grand, and you want her to pay more?

I would be aiming to find the simplest solution. You pay for this then I'll pay for that is rarely the simplest option.

There are four things to figure out how they are splits.

1. Costs of moving - purchase and sale. I would suggest this being 50:50
2. Deposits - options fixed shares or fixed amounts. We had unequal deposits we went with fixed amounts but had been together a lot longer than you and neither of us had been burnt before. In your circumstances I would go with fixed shares. I.e. deposit was 40% - in a 38:2 split
3. Mortgage - 50:50 or skewed to account for differences in income. At point of sale this proportion is split according to the split. I.e. if mortgage was split 30:70 and after paying off the remaining mortgage there's 30% left this is split 9:21. If you combine with the deposit the relative shares would be 37:23
4. Living costs - 50:50 of skewed to account for differences in income

I would have one of the two skewed and one 50:50. Given the family set up it might be fairer to do a skew for the mortgage and do living costs 50:50 as you have two children from a previous relationship so that might balance out the difference in income. I would sit down with a spreadsheet and work out all the living costs and work out how the two different scenarios would play out relative to take home pay.

Once you have sorted out the splits then the decision is what is a sensible budget for the next house and what lifestyle allows you both to live comfortably within your means. I would proceed cautiously and avoid overstretching yourselves.

You can't ring fence your deposit and then pay only a fraction of the mortgage. That's quite cheeky. If I was your partner I wouldn't agree to this.

Try again.

The OP has said herself that she earns a good salary, and I suspect her children’s father is contributing to their upbringing, so this isn’t about child maintenance for her kids. This is about the financial complications of buying a home with a man who is not financially equal to her. One could argue that they only need a bigger house because she had a third child with him, not because of the two that she already had!

Him renting forever isn't her problem. She currently has a huge amount to lose. People buy houses together- but usually the playing field is much more even. When one in putting in so much more that's when things have the potential to go so much more wrong.

And a deed of trust will just set out contributions, it doesn't help you if one party is digging their heels in and making selling difficult

Or one extra? His! Hers were there first! Is he not responsible for the decision to add to the family?! Where did he think they were all going to live?

What's your point? My point is that it can't only be married people who are allowed to buy houses.

No, it's about who pays for what and the fact that they need a big house because there are two extra children is definitely relevant.

OP, that you did the above should be a lesson.
That you are worried about doing something foolish again should be enough.
Your gut is warning you yet you persist.

It really is disturbing that you would consider risking your home for this man.
What is your plan if everything falls apart and the house has to be sold?
Because that is a huge possibility.
That is what you need to focus on.
What exactly would you do?
You have three children to house.
You have a house now.
Absolute madness to consider risking it.
Let him save and build a deposit for a house.
You stay put in yours.
Was this child actually planned?

This is true, OP could get a no-nup for her current home and move him in; cheaper than the big risk of stretching for the 4 bed house. A good trial run on what's to come too.

Berating yourself for choices won't help. We don't have our accountant heads on when we fall in love (well, apart from my mother who was one, and really took her nasty ex to task from the grave!!) Maybe take a breath here. There will be other houses, so don't worry about letting that one go. Don't rush. Think about if you want to financially get into bed with another man who has a bad credit history, and who cannot equal you with savings/deposit, and how that will roll down the line. Importantly, talk to him about it. If you can't have the conversation about how you feel anxious given your past about his, and about the disparity in contributions, etc. then you can't build a future with a man who won't be compassionate about that. His response will tell you a lot.

A decent solicitor should be able to draw up a document that prevents this happening, and it usually only happens in specific circumstances anyway - like one paying towards substantial improvements, or giving up work on the understanding that they are becoming a homemaker.

Well it's her house, he currently has fuck all

If you read the thread they have already cohabited and made arrangements to split bills, so he is obviously fine with that. The thread is not about paying for other people's children; it's about the OP protecting her assets when she cohabits with a man who has virtually no deposit, and a credit past of debt.

Hi OP, I've not read all the comments but personally for me I would ring fence your deposit /equity, pay the conveyancing fees on your sale and go 50/50 with everything else. This way you're protected with your deposit as this has come from your property you had pre partner and everything with your partner moving forward is shared.

With his salary being more than yours, if you're not going to combine income once you have purchased your house together then I wouldn't go for a £700,000 property.

My partner and I combined income when we purchased our first home, at that time he was earning 2x more than me and with the purchase we split everything 50/50, deposit, fees etc. 8 years later he earns 4x more than me and we're married and we still combine income.
This is something you both definitely need to discuss before purchasing a property together to make sure you're both on the same page.

Does the fact that he knew about them mean he has to pay for them? That doesn't really sound fair in a relationship where they are not pooling everything.

My honest opinion is that unless you both want to be married and see yourselves as being together forever and pooling finances, then don’t buy a house together. If you want to become a single family unit, then he should be willing to pay 100% of the mortgage when you have children if need be.

Yes, but he knew she had those when they met, and impregnated her with a third, so he's not unaccountable in this current decision!

Ok so how about he pays the mortgage for 400k. If you split from house sale he gets 400k, you get 300k and you split the equity. He pays all mortgage payments and you split the bills more like 60/40 due to him needing to pay for his own child who is living in the property.
Of your you need this written in a legal agreement