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Original poster

Mother of bride messages about attending

65 replies

Teaandcoffee223 · 04/03/2025 07:31

My Dsis had an accident a few days ago and is awaiting surgery on her leg. Hopefully it's today. DSis was suppose to go on a hen weekend friday. She still thinks she can make it.
The mother of the bride keeps messaging saying that she will push her around, she's praying she can make it, saying that if anyone can come its my Dsis.
I don't feel this pressure from her is necessary because Dsis is going to feel bad when she can't make it because there's no way after big surgery and her being on a ton of painkillers that she's going to go to this hen thing.
They even said they would leave her in the house alone whilst they went out swimming. I don't think they are realising that my Dsis is going to struggle moving around the first few days even weeks as the cast will go over her knee. If she has a funny turn just 2 days after surgery and they leave her alone then what.
I feel like they should just be giving words of encouragement to get better and that it's no pressure of Dsis if she can't attend.
Dsis has her hopes up and mother of bride is feeding them.
Aubu to 1. Be concerned and 2. Be annoyed that she's having this unnecessary pressure put on her

OP posts:
Ezlo · 04/03/2025 08:02

Won't your sister still be recovering in hospital?

The pressure beige put on her to attend is ridiculous. People are insane!

Original poster
Teaandcoffee223 · 04/03/2025 07:55

Mog65 · 04/03/2025 07:43

Are you the bride. If you are, give your mum a break. She's not thinking straight. She is prob wanting the hen do to be perfect for you/bride and that would mean sis attending. Just let it go. They will soon realise after the op that there's not a hope in hecks ks chance she will make it. YNBU but stressing yourself out. Have a great hen do

No she's not my mum

OP posts:
Original poster
Teaandcoffee223 · 04/03/2025 07:53

AgnesX · 04/03/2025 07:38

Did I miss something, is your Dsis not able to speak for herself?

The hens just have to accept she'll not be up for it and ignore the mother. But it's your sister's decision and for her to say no firmly.

Mu dsis wants to go. I don't think she's thinking straight as she's high pain killers atm. Then the MOB is feeding into giving my Dsis hope that she can go. That's what I'm saying they shouldn't be pressuring her or giving her hope because it's obvious Dsis isn't going to be able to go.
Dsis is saying I'm going and the MOB is saying yea dw I'll push you around etc. It's not helping the situation.
So Dsis has a voice but she's vulnerable and not thinking straight atm

OP posts:
Wilfrida1 · 04/03/2025 07:48

Not your circus, not your monkeys.

Redfred00 · 04/03/2025 07:48

You can't control what other people do or say. All you can do is support your sister.

Mog65 · 04/03/2025 07:43

Are you the bride. If you are, give your mum a break. She's not thinking straight. She is prob wanting the hen do to be perfect for you/bride and that would mean sis attending. Just let it go. They will soon realise after the op that there's not a hope in hecks ks chance she will make it. YNBU but stressing yourself out. Have a great hen do

BookArt55 · 04/03/2025 07:43

I voted that you are being unreasonable because it is your sister's choice and she needs to make the decision that is best for her.

The mother of the bride is unfair, unsupportive and she should back off and leave your sister who is obviously going to be struggling at the moment even without the added layer of guilt.

But at the end of the day your sister needs to make a decision, voice that decision and stand her ground. If she chooses to go and struggles... that is her choice. If she chooses to stay home and mother of the bride is annoyed then she needs to be firm in that decision.

Evaka · 04/03/2025 07:39

Very odd. Is the mother very close to your sister? Can you have a quiet word with someone medical at the hospital to spell out to her that she should go home and rest post op?

SuddenFrisson · 04/03/2025 07:38

Honestly, OP, yes, you’re being unreasonable. You can’t control other people’s behaviour. Your sister will figure out her own capability after her surgery, and how to respond.

I had an over-the-knee cast after ankle surgery back in the 1990, and I was transferred to another hospital for a few days afterwards. I did have to go to another city by public transport within ten days for an unpostpone-able exam, and though I just about managed it (my boyfriend accompanied me, wheelchair, taxi etc), it was far from enjoyable. Apart from anything else it was very difficult to sleep in a full cast, so I was exhausted. But your sister may recover better.

Errors · 04/03/2025 07:38

I agree with you OP. If it were me I would be sending messages of support and barely mentioning the hen do apart from maybe “of course we would love it if you can make it, but you just concentrate on getting yourself better”

This would really annoy me. It’s too pushy

Dearg · 04/03/2025 07:38

MoB is being ridiculous. The only thing that matters in this is your sisters well-being. Have sis tell her that she wants to come, but she’s going to focus on being able to dance at the wedding.
That said, I assume your sister is an adult, so if she wants to go in these circumstances, you can’t prevent it.

AgnesX · 04/03/2025 07:38

Did I miss something, is your Dsis not able to speak for herself?

The hens just have to accept she'll not be up for it and ignore the mother. But it's your sister's decision and for her to say no firmly.

ThreeMagicNumber · 04/03/2025 07:36

That's bloody ridiculous. Surgery and healing from surgery on her leg is far more important than a stupid hen weekend. Your sister must be feeling so stressed from the pressure of it all. I don't think it's a good idea to go far away from the hospital she had surgery, just incase anything happens and she needs readmitted. What's that saying, life is what happens when you are planning other things. This is just life, she needs to look after herself and prioritise healing over a hen do.

rubyslippers · 04/03/2025 07:35

I wouldn’t be going anywhere other than home four days after surgery especially if my leg was in a cast
she will be exhausted and uncomfortable
it’s a hen do, not the second coming
no one should be pressuring her to attend

Original poster
Teaandcoffee223 · 04/03/2025 07:33

Sorry for all typos!

OP posts:
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