Mother of bride messages about attending

Totally depends. Dm is 70 and had an accident that meant surgery on Christmas Eve. Christmas Day she was fine - on pain relief and sitting with her leg elevated while we cooked Christmas dinner and waited on her - she was sat enjoying chatting to everyone. Your dsis might be fine.

If your sister is capable of going to the hen do then she is capable of making her own decisions. I’d just keep out of it, if she’s in a lot of pain she will soon realise she can’t go.

If it's a trauma injury resulting in surgery (or a fracture) then there is no way she'll be going anywhere. Even if it was just the ankle it would be too difficult. She may not even be discharged yet from hospital?
I was in an ortho trauma ward for 5 weeks and the minimum someone was there following lower limb surgery was about 9 days. Some were there for a month.
With all the wishful thinking in the world she won't be medically capable.

Use your words and say No.

What is OP saying no to? No one is asking her anything and her Dsis doesn’t need her permission to do anything

My DH had major surgery on his leg. He was in hospital for 5 days after surgery and had to be signed off by OT before release. He had a drain into the leg which also had to be removed.

He was in a frame afterwards, could barely move around and had to be injected daily to prevent blood clots. He also had a funny turn from the morphine when home which required a check from paramedics.

If she is having major surgery she isn't doing anything energetic for atheist 4 weeks...

My dh did this 5 weeks before our wedding. He was on crutches and a wheelchair on the day and high as a kite on the medication just to get him through the day.

I wish your sister luck with her surgery and a speedy recovery

It's is wholly unrealistic that she attends a hen do after major surgery. I doubt she will feel anywhere near up to it so it will hopefully become a non-issue come the weekend, but the pressure the MOB is putting on her is very unfair.

Picture this, your DSis is whacked out on painkillers with an X-fix on her leg. She is surrounded by people whose priority is someone else's fun/happiness (i.e. the bride's) and quite possibly drunk half the time (and offering to wheel her around?!). You say it's a weekend? So they're staying somewhere? How is she going to bathe herself, get herself to the loo, get up stairs? These are all things that will be incredibly difficult and painful right after surgery, and they won't even be there the whole time!

She needs to be around people who will prioritise her wellbeing in those first few days after the surgery. And, not to be melodramatic, but blood clots and pulmonary embolisms are something that you have to look out for and take very seriously after long bone surgery (personal experience) - she needs to be sober, responsible people.

I had (a second) surgery on my hand last weekend and it’s knocked my socks off. The painkillers have me slurring words and constantly drowsy. Two days after surgery I was still recovering from a general anaesthetic. There’s literally no way, I want to be anywhere other than home. Even this week I’m struggling!

However you can only advise. I think her answer will be very different after surgery.

Those xfix frames are used when the fracture is complex. Your DSis will likely be in surgery for several hours & might well stil be in hospital come Friday! A hen weekend is the last thing she will need! I would be surprised if she still wants to go after shes been through surgery & dealing with the reality of the ex-fix frame.

She'll struggle to even wash or get to the loo.

Presumably your DSIS is an adult and can decide for herself! Leave her to it.

Saying "You have to come! I'll push you around myself! Wouldn't be the same without you!" is just what people say, surely? And if your dsis can't go, no doubt they'll be a string of cry emoji and "we're so sad!!" messages. I think you may be taking normal (if a little dramatic) social behaviour too seriously.

Massive drip feed!!

Personally, I'd phone the MoB and tell her your sister is not coming, end of discussion so no more messages. Your sister physical health and well being is what's important now so there is no way she can attend the hen do.

What does your sister say to all of this? Surely she will take your advice on board and not go? The drs will advise this also no doubt. Why is the MOB so insistent that she comes? Why does it matter if she doesn't make it

No.

She must not be left alone.

She may need help going to the loo - and what if she falls?

She may have a reaction to meds etc.

Pissed people are not capable of taking care of an injured post surgery person.

You're all adults. Use your words and say No.

State that she needs peace and quiet, caring and observation to promote her healing after a traumatic experience.

Your DSis is a grown woman who can make her own decisions - all you can do is tell her you think it's a bad idea and suggest that she speaks to her surgeon about her recovery after the operation. If doctor advises her not to travel, it might carry more weight.

The mother of the bride keeps messaging saying that she will push her around, she's praying she can make it, saying that if anyone can come its my Dsis.

What does that mean?!

This really doesn't have much to do with you-I presume you aren't going to the hen weekend? I would step back and let them sort it out.

When you say your sister is vulnerable, do you mean she has special needs? Does she have a carer?

It sounds to me like your sister is insistent that she can go and MOB is being supportive tbh.

Your sister is probably scared and focusing on the trip rather than her surgery right now and the MOB is telling her what she wants to hear, which, imo, is much better than telling her she can't go and putting a downer on it right before surgery.

Realistically your sister knows she can't go, she's just putting focus elsewhere.

Is there some relevant context here, that your sister doesn’t have adult capacity or something? Because surely the worst-case scenario is that she goes, just doesn’t have a good time, and leaves again, or suffers through?

Aubu to 1. Be concerned and 2. Be annoyed that she's having this unnecessary pressure put on her

YANBU on both points, of course. I saw the start of your thread yesterday, of course you're concerned about your sister's wellbeing (physical and mental).
The MOB has ridiculous priorities, though probably means well.

But ultimately it's your sister's decision. Maybe it'll be ok, depends a lot if the people will look after her properly and not prioritise their fun. Will someone sensible be staying sober?

Honestly, I think you need to back off. Your sister wants to go. They want her there. It’s possible albeit difficult but it’s her life and her decision. If she has to (regretfully) decide it can’t be done you’ll be a far greater support if you haven’t spent the runup telling her so

Why is the mother of the bride so insistent your sister goes?
What is the relationship between the sister and bride?

I don't think it's realistic the sister attends and maybe they are both just kidding themselves that she will be well enough. If she is having an operation today then will surely still be dosed up on medication and the last thing I would think they would want is a weekend surrounded by people potentially being drunk and loud (no idea what the plans are for the weekend).
Where is the hen being held? If local (I assume not though) could they join for something if well enough, maybe a meal, but then go home?

Do you know the bride. Can you call her and give her a heads up,? Just say she really wants to come but you think that given the seriousness of the situation when it comes down to it she probably won't be in any fit state and although you hope you're wrong just a heads up as no-one likes last minute changes.

God I hope she doesn’t end up going. I mean, it’s obviously up to her but it sounds like a really bad idea.

I'm assuming the mother of the bride has no idea of the scale of the surgery and what recovery will be like. I suspect she's coming from a place of ignorance (lucky her).