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Original poster

Mother of bride messages about attending

65 replies

Teaandcoffee223 · 04/03/2025 07:31

My Dsis had an accident a few days ago and is awaiting surgery on her leg. Hopefully it's today. DSis was suppose to go on a hen weekend friday. She still thinks she can make it.
The mother of the bride keeps messaging saying that she will push her around, she's praying she can make it, saying that if anyone can come its my Dsis.
I don't feel this pressure from her is necessary because Dsis is going to feel bad when she can't make it because there's no way after big surgery and her being on a ton of painkillers that she's going to go to this hen thing.
They even said they would leave her in the house alone whilst they went out swimming. I don't think they are realising that my Dsis is going to struggle moving around the first few days even weeks as the cast will go over her knee. If she has a funny turn just 2 days after surgery and they leave her alone then what.
I feel like they should just be giving words of encouragement to get better and that it's no pressure of Dsis if she can't attend.
Dsis has her hopes up and mother of bride is feeding them.
Aubu to 1. Be concerned and 2. Be annoyed that she's having this unnecessary pressure put on her

OP posts:
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zingally · 06/03/2025 11:20

Of course your sister isn't going to be able to make the hen weekend. Her leg is in a frame.
It sounds like the MOTB is just expressing her disappointment in not-the-best ways.
Yes, she's allowed to be a disappointed, and the bride is allowed to be as well. But these things happen unfortunately.
I remember my own best friend wasn't able to attend my 30th birthday weekend due to illness. Was I disappointed? Yes. But did I say anything to her other than "I hope you feel better soon?" NO.

RampantIvy · 06/03/2025 10:39

Maddy70 · 05/03/2025 23:48

Your sister will make her decisions about her own health. Not you. I broke my leg and went on holiday the next day with the support of my family. Dint be such a drama Lama avd has nothing to do with you

Have you read the OP's updates?

LastNightMyPJsSavedMyLife · 06/03/2025 10:02

The Ops hospital drama thread was pulled earlier. Expect this one will go the same way. It's all nonsense.

WhatDidIComeInThisRoomFor · 06/03/2025 09:59

Could you ring the bride and say that DSis is out of it right now given op, pain killers, fatigue so has asked you to call (clear it with your sis of course!). A spoken conversation is so much better than texting.

Explain that they are quite right, DSis can’t attend and was probably never going to be able to post-op but was living in hope and didn’t want to let people down. Please can MOB stop messaging now as it’s not helpful really. DSis will do what she can to get to dress fittings etc but recovery comes first. No need for MOB to involve herself further.

If the bride is nice she is probably aware her mum is a bit full on.

Suggest to DSis that she mutes the MOB for now.

JFDIYOLO · 06/03/2025 09:47

Let the bride know how upset DSis was and ask her to tell her mother to stop messaging. It sounds like the woman is a cow and won't change. Hopefully the bride is nicer.
Could she block MOB?

Maddy70 · 05/03/2025 23:48

Your sister will make her decisions about her own health. Not you. I broke my leg and went on holiday the next day with the support of my family. Dint be such a drama Lama avd has nothing to do with you

inigomontoyahwillcox · 05/03/2025 23:27

Can you ask the bride to tell her mum to stop messaging from now on and that your Dsis needs peace and supportive messages if anything.

Original poster
Teaandcoffee223 · 05/03/2025 19:54

I just feel sad for Dsis and the line "you've not made the progress we expected" was a bit harsh. Dsis was so proud of herself being able to use the bedpan today. Dsis is really going to struggle with every day life and I don't think they realise the extent.
I just want to protect her because of her MH struggles. I know she will be feeling bad letting her friend down and I don't want them bombarding her and making her feel bad for things she can't do ie. Dress fitting etc.

Btw yes I got what I wanted. All I'm saying is I feel the text to Dsis was insensitive. The bride sent a lovely text and worded it really nicely. MOB was insensitive

OP posts:
Chillilounger · 05/03/2025 19:52

Can you not contact them and explain it's actually quite serious and she needs rest and to be left alone to recover and wish them the best. I would then get ds to archive the chat and mute them so she doesn't need to engage for a bit.

PregnancyEtiquette · 05/03/2025 19:47

Teaandcoffee223 · 05/03/2025 19:12

I really want to message MOB

I feel like they can’t win, no matter what 😂. Sounds like DSis was downplaying the injury because she so desperately wanted to go but they’ve obviously now realised how serious it the injury is. You got the result you wanted so stop being a drama llama and let your sister heal up.

titchy · 05/03/2025 19:26

Teaandcoffee223 · 05/03/2025 19:12

I really want to message MOB

Why? Your sister isn't able to go, the MoB and the bride now know that. Job done. Stop feeding the drama. Just be supportive and sympathetic to your ds.

NotTheDebtDoctorWithTheHungryScalpel · 05/03/2025 19:25

Teaandcoffee223 · 05/03/2025 19:12

I really want to message MOB

Why? she was encouraging her to go, which you were pissed off about, now she's realised the extent of her injury and said not to come and you're still pissed off.

Original poster
Teaandcoffee223 · 05/03/2025 19:12

I really want to message MOB

OP posts:
Original poster
Teaandcoffee223 · 05/03/2025 18:50

A bit of an update. I'm really angry with the MOB mostly but the bridge too.
It's been very obvious that Dsis was not going to make the hen and she's had surgery on a complex break. I saw Dsis today in hospital and she's finally realised the extend of her injury and has been told at a min she can go home Sunday if she can walk up stairs. Dsis admitted she thought she would be out by today, bless her she was in denial and I do feel sorry for her.
She had been sending positive messages saying she wants to be there and hopes to be. Bride and MOB had been sent pics of the frame on leg so knew the extent of the injury.
MOB and bride in my sisters words have been bombarding her with messages for updates today. Dsis is knackered she's had a full on day with physio and visitors. They have been concerned about finding out if she's coming rather than her wellbeing
MOB has just sent her a very long message saying my Dsis hasn't made the progress that they had expected and she wonders if Dsis should really come. She said she's worried about the bride having to look after her and worried the bride won't have fun if she is. She's saying it's going to be awkward getting her around. Telling her she won't be comfortable and in alot of pain etc.
This is the same woman a few days ago that was pubically posting on my Dsis social media that she would do whatever it took to get dsis there and if anyone could do it my Dsis could.
Obviously Dsis is upset. It's worded in a not great way and tbh is highly insensitive and no consideration for Dsis mental wellbeing. I know she's looking out for her daughter but it was very obvious Dsis wasn't going to make it and she could have worded it much better.
I'm now worried as well as there is a dress fitting next week and there is no way Dsis will make that. Dsis has told me she feels pressured by them both and I can see them pressuring her about the fitting next week!
Dsis also told me that they both came across as a bit angry when she first done it and saying this isn't great timing and trust you to do this.

OP posts:
LivingwithHopenowandforever · 05/03/2025 15:43

I’ll be straight with you if that was my sister or daughter there would be none of this nonsense! MOB would have received a call from me outlining everything and that she would not be going. There does not need to be a thread about this, just pull your big girl pants up & tell the MOB along with having a conversation with your sister. She has to see how much of a stupid idea it is to contemplate going. Honestly some people……….

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 05/03/2025 15:30

You could message this woman and say
Dsis has been advised that IF she is discharged home on Friday she will not be in a cast but a frame.
She will need daily injections to avoid blood clots and help with other medications, help washing, will need someone to escort her to the loo for 4-5 days, and bring her all her meals and drinks as she obviously can't carry anything with crutches. She will need her own bed [not shared] with additional support pillows.
Lastly, she needs to have her temperature taken every 6 hours and someone sober enough to drive her to hospital if there is a rise in temperature or other contraindications of sepsis or clots.

I appreciate you would all like to see her there but she is up to her eyeballs on painkillers at the moment. It would be more helpful [unless you can commit the support above] if you could make it clear that her first priority is to get well so she can attend the wedding and it is not her fault that she can't attend the hen.

inigomontoyahwillcox · 05/03/2025 14:52

A little anecdote, and somewhat outing, but what the hell. My XH had a hip replacement. He stupidly went out only a couple of days after being discharged, whilst he was still on crutches, and had a few drinks. He then proceeded to fall down a very small flight of stairs (I think maybe 3 stairs up towards the loos) and managed to not only completely fuck up his new hip (the long part that went down his femur with the replacement hip ball at the top of it actually splintered out of his leg) which needed completely redoing, but ended up in ICU due to a punctured lung and excessive bleeding (suspect he was still on prophylactic blood thinners).

Be this a cautionary tale.

BobbyBiscuits · 04/03/2025 21:51

@TeenLifeMum yeah, it does depend. If the persons in a cast it's actually a bit easier as the healing area is protected.
But there's a chance they will not even be discharged. And it could be awful for their recovery if they did fall or hurt it again so soon.

LongDarkTeatime · 04/03/2025 21:44

Tell the medical team of these (harebrained) plans and get their opinion. Maybe DSis will listen to them.

Londonrach1 · 04/03/2025 21:27

Recovery from the surgery more important than anything including any wedding.... Any family member or friend understand that.

PlanningTowns · 04/03/2025 21:25

If you’re in hospital with her ask the consultant directly about the weekend trip in front of her. As well as time to get over the anaesthetic she will need to take care about infection in those screws.

SometimesCalmPerson · 04/03/2025 21:00

If your sister is saying that she wants to go, then the MOB is just trying to be supportive. It probably doesn’t feel very kind for her to tell your sister that she’s not wanted at the hen do if she needs help because no one is willing to provide it for her.

NotVeryFunny · 04/03/2025 20:56

AgnesX · 04/03/2025 07:38

Did I miss something, is your Dsis not able to speak for herself?

The hens just have to accept she'll not be up for it and ignore the mother. But it's your sister's decision and for her to say no firmly.

This. If your DSis was saying she couldn't make it and was getting messages like that from the MoB then I'd be with you. But it sounds more like your DSis is:saying she will/really wants to make it, and do the hens and MoB are trying to send positive and encouraging messages supporting her, including her and trying to find a way for it to work for her.

I agree that it's v unlikely she'll be going but I'm not sure anyone's doing anything wrong here (at the moment anyway!!).

Reallyneedsaholiday · 04/03/2025 20:49

Why are you getting involved. Unless your DSis is not of an age to make her own decisions in life, stay out of it. "I" would probably attend, if my DSis wanted to go, I'd try to move heaven and earth to help her do so.

TeenLifeMum · 04/03/2025 20:26

BobbyBiscuits · 04/03/2025 19:40

If it's a trauma injury resulting in surgery (or a fracture) then there is no way she'll be going anywhere. Even if it was just the ankle it would be too difficult. She may not even be discharged yet from hospital?
I was in an ortho trauma ward for 5 weeks and the minimum someone was there following lower limb surgery was about 9 days. Some were there for a month.
With all the wishful thinking in the world she won't be medically capable.

Totally depends. DM would have been fine so long as she could keep her leg up despite 5 broken bones and lots of pins.

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