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Original poster

To think drinking daily is not “normal”

163 replies

Lemonteas · 04/03/2025 01:06

DH drinks most days, nothing much but a couple of pints. He’s also a big wine lover, and I like wine, but can take it or leave it. He has made comments that he wishes we had more date nights with wine, preferably weekly. I would be up for doing it every two weeks, I’m just not a big drinker — I got it very much out of my system in a big way when I was younger and have had several family members die due to alcoholism, so it’s something I’m wary about and personally keep it strictly to socialising.

Tonight, unrelated to his specific drinking habits, we were discussing a mutual friend who drinks a bottle of wine each day. I commented that it sounds like a slippery slope. He immediately got defensive and said that my attitude to drinking is unusual and that “it’s perfectly normal for people to drink everyday.” I cannot relate to this and maybe it is my own personal experience being that the people I’ve known drink daily have all had terrible battles with alcoholism, and the fact that beyond that, I just don’t ever feel an urge to drink it at home.

I’d like to understand if my attitudes are indeed wrong; I don’t judge but I think I’m easily concerned and biased due to personal experiences, or if he’s possibly being defensive due to the fact he himself drinks every day?

OP posts:
CheekyHobson · 04/03/2025 03:17

Look at studies for drinking of red wine in Mediterranean countries - mild daily red wine consumption there massively effective against heart disease - side-effecf, admittedly

Despute what the red wine industry would like you to think, the real evidence for this is quite weak and is heavily debated.

Even if there is a positive health correlation, it’s due to the reseveratrol, not the alcohol, and can be equally achieved by drinking red grape juice.Plus, any potential heart health effects are contradicted by the fact that alcohol is a proven carcinogen.

HoppyFish · 04/03/2025 03:15

It’s quite common. As you’ll know, people use it as an anaesthetic - it has always been the opium of the masses, especially since the decline of religion. I’m no expert - I don’t know how long it takes for daily drinking to become a dependency, or if it does, or if it depends on the person. At least his two pints don’t turn into an uncontrollable binge I suppose.

QuickHare · 04/03/2025 03:09

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sidebirds · 04/03/2025 02:42

This is complete nonsense. A bottle of average strength wine (say 12%) is the equivalent of three pints of medium strength lager. Mild level of elevation. Not to mention might be spread over lunchtime with food, early evening meal with food, and nightcap (although not in DH situation). What is going on with this bizarre puritanism? (Look at studies for drinking of red wine in Mediterranean countries - mild daily red wine consumption there massively effective against heart disease - side-effecf, admittedly 😲).

Your DH senses an unreasonable encroachment on his extremely minor enjoyment and is pushing back. OP can't keep her neck in trying to control her other half. Leave him alone. In fact, wait until you have an actual problem to contend with. I never understand women who 'bag' a man - which presumably means they like him - but then covertly try to change him.

Cadenza12 · 04/03/2025 02:14

Drinkers love company. Go on just have one! It sounds like your DH has a problem and he'd like you to normalise his drinking. Anyone who drinks a bottle of wine a day has a big problem.

CheekyHobson · 04/03/2025 02:10

Trying to get someone else to drink more so that you can comfortably drink more is a real red flag.

RickiRaccoon · 04/03/2025 02:09

It's common. I know plenty of people from different walks of life that do drink almost every night in varying amounts and they're not all alcoholics. I think they have a dependency but some could stop if they wanted to. Some couldn't.

I'd say your DH is definitely defensive about his own drinking. Like junk and ultra processed food every day, it's not good for you and shouldn't be normalised. It's annoying and unhelpful to judge or lecture others but, if it comes up, I don't think we should pretend it's not harmful.

bridgetreilly · 04/03/2025 01:56

I think it’s quite common, but it shouldn’t be normal.

Original poster
Lemonteas · 04/03/2025 01:35

Alalalala · 04/03/2025 01:30

Sounds like he has a very real problem with alcohol and is therefore being defensive.

Apart from being a health worry it sounds so boring for you - his need for alcohol as a crutch all the time, him trying to make you feel as if you are the one with the issue..

Edited

Thank you, for me the thing that bothers me most is him telling me on several occasions that he wishes we drank more together as it’s something he enjoys doing. I don’t want to increase my alcohol consumption, and wont, but feel like he makes out I’m abnormal for my relationship (or lack of) to alcohol.

OP posts:
Itisbetter · 04/03/2025 01:35

Normal fifty or sixty years ago along with frying in lard and smoking

Alalalala · 04/03/2025 01:30

Sounds like he has a very real problem with alcohol and is therefore being defensive.

Apart from being a health worry it sounds so boring for you - his need for alcohol as a crutch all the time, him trying to make you feel as if you are the one with the issue..

Maitri108 · 04/03/2025 01:30

Of course he's telling you what he does is normal; he's justifying it. One bottle of wine a night is ridiculous but we have a huge drinking problem in this country and it's normalised

Meadowfinch · 04/03/2025 01:28

Your DH is a fool. The NHS reduced their "advisable norms" for drinking to 14 units per week for men & women, with complete abstinence on some days.

There's 9 units in the average bottle of wine, 2-3 units in a pint of beer.

If your DH drinks 2 points of bitter a day, that is at least 4 units a day or 28 a week. Just in beer, he's already drinking twice the recommended amount. Lager is generally stronger. Two pints have about 360 calories as well, so he is going to damage his liver and gain a beer gut unless he does a seriously physical job.

It may be normal for his social circle but not in mine. It's a bad idea health-wise, and the fact he gets defensive over it, implies he probably drinks more than you know about. I hope he doesn't rely on his driving licence. I grew up in a pub and have watched too many people screw up their lives with alcohol.