To think drinking daily is not “normal”

I think it depends, I have a relative who is retired and has half a pint of beer with lunch everyday, I don’t think that’s a ‘problem’ but someone drinking several pints a day, every day probably is a problem.

He’s got an alcohol problem and he’s defensive because you aren’t playing along with the ‘normal’ storyline. FYI, my dad drank 2 pints daily and was diagnosed with cirrhosis in his 60s. He only lived 3 years with it.

A bottle of wine a day isn’t a slippery slope, it’s straight up alcoholism.

The average Italian person drinks 40 bottles of wine per year, the average Brit drinks 108 bottles of wine per year. In addition to that Brits drink way more beer and spirits than Italians too. You can't pretend that Italians small glass of red with dinner a few times a week is anywhere near on par with what the OPs partner or most Brits alcohol consumption.

i don’t understand how people can drink a bottle of wine a day every day- it’s wild. The expense and relentlessness of it.

But then addicts will justify it.

I usually have a bottle of wine over Fri/Sat, more if we are out. I really look forward to it and feel bit ridiculous that I wouldn't enjoy weekend without. But I know daily drinking is absolutely not normal.

It's normal in some cultures to drink every day, the caveat is that "drinking every day" consists of a small glass of wine with dinner not a bottle of wine and a couple of pints. And if you ever travelled in Spain or France, their "small glass" is about half the size of what would be a small glass in the UK.

I wouldn't say it's 'normal' behaviour in the people I'm around, not at all.

I do, however, know of one person who drinks most days. In his 40's he's now got gastric problems and stomach ulcers that's been attributed to his drinking.

Wine wasn’t 6% 30 years ago! Although ABV has definitely risen, that’s very true.

DH drinks non-alcoholic beer in the week and there’s now an astonishing amount of it on the market. You can even get NA beer clubs. It’s great as it totally replaces all the rituals of relaxing with a beer - it hits the psychological need for something like that.

I agree.

God l couldn't imagine drinking more because someone else wants me to.

My ex put a joint in my face once and said go on try it. Hence, he's an ex! My body, my choice.

Why does date night have to involve wine? So he has an excuse to drink more? So he doesn't feel like he's drinking alone? It's worrying that he thinks it's normal to drink every day and is defending someone drinking a bottle of wine every day. I'd be very concerned OP but don't get dragged into his drinking habits.

The fact that he wants YOU to drink more so that at least part of his excessive drinking can appear normal and appear approved of, is worrying and also shows a real lack of care towards you, your choices and your health

I think the fact that expressions such as dry days or sober days exist is quite telling. If someone has to make a conscious effort, enough to give that a label, then i think that says something about the relationship with alcohol.

Normal for students ( Uni age), probably. Normal for professionals in their twenties maybe. Not normal for those who care for children, i'd have thought. Not normal for those on very limited incomes. May be normal for a lot of people on holiday. Those are the main groups I can come up with generalisations about it.

I think part of the issue is now the strength of alcohol. 30 odd years ago an average bottle of non fortified wine was around 6% and an average ale was 3%. Now an average bottle of wine is around 12% and an average ale 5.5%. In health terms the greater the strength the less you should be drinking. But I think it takes a while for habits to catch up. I find it hard to find a low alcohol wine. Dh likes alcohol free beer. I wish wine makers would go back to lower strength wines, and just leave the fortified wines at higher strength not your average bottle of plonk.

I agree op, this is the bit that would be ringing alarm bells for me. I don't get 'drinking alcohol' as an activity in and of itself - that's a really worrying attitude. It's more normal in young people who want to get pissed.
I don't think there's anything you can do at this point though if he's adamant his drinking isn't an issue.

Well they just pour it and drink it...it's not hard.

I just wanted to second this very strongly.

It is very little to go on so I could be off the mark, but your OP sounds as though you are a bit unsure of your own beliefs/experience and are questioning whether you are justified in your own opinion (despite having seen family members struggle with alcohol).

Your feelings are right FOR YOU and if you have no urge or desire to drink more, don't.

I stopped drinking years ago because I don't like how alcohol impacts my behaviour or my next day. I am lucky in that I rarely encounter anyone who questions my decision or "insists" on me having a drink - but as a general rule, those "insisters" are boundary pushers and very bad news.

Maybe it would be helpful to have a think about what you are comfortable and happy with, and practise your "no, thank you" and "I don't want anymore, but you carry on if you want to" so that you are firm in your own boundaries.

Both the friend and your DH are alchoholics.

Totally agree with this. He knows he drinks too much so he's defensive. The British attitude to alcohol is hugely problematic- loads of people will drink daily so to them it is normal - but it'll still increase their risk of heart disease, stroke, dementia, multiple different cancers & alcoholism.

I used to drink a bottle every night.. My DH used to drink 4-6 pints a night and really go for it on a weekend. But for me I felt like if he drank, I had to drink. The more i drank the more I worried about my drinking.

He had a bit of a scare at an MOT at the GP surgery. He cut right down which gave me the strength to cut right down too. We now drink 3 nights a week I believe and no way the volume we did before.

We both had parents who liked a good drink, and not one to put labels on things, I do think we were functioning alcoholics. I used to always feel ill, if I got a cold or bug I would have it for weeks, I had put on weight. I feel so much better now. They do say that it is a disease and addictive personalities can be addictive. I do believe this as I have a brother who now drinks a lot and my DH has sibling's who are all big drinkers, 1 unfortunately is going to drink himself to death, but there is no getting through to him.

I tend to find attitudes can be beyond the usually level of puritanical here.

I think it's better to have a couple/a few days a week where I've doesn't drink. That one should generally try and keep ones alcohol intake to 14 ish units. That one has to keep an eye on the calories consumed via alcohol.

But I also think it tastes bloody lovely and e.g. having wine and some nice food etc is a really lovely way to spend an evening, and I'd definitely like to do that at least once every couple of weeks.

On top of that, I think there are rituals associated with alcohol that people value. (Hiss of a can, the ritual of preparing a drink, the fact it comes in a nice glasses, the fact it signals time to wind down.) Plus the fact that often it tastes nicer than the very sweet drinks you often get in terms of non-alcoholic options.

So what's the best way of balancing that? For me it's about having decent non-alcoholic options in the house (even if that's expensive, they're still less expensive than alcohol). So e.g. Adnams ghost ship is a great non alcoholic beer you could get as a family, I understand lots of people like lucky saint and Guinness 0.0 is meant to be very good. And that then might free up a few alcohol free nights a week to then mean one can enjoy a date night without it being OTT in terms of overall consumption.

Drinking at that level is not healthy or normal. I had a very similar experience with my DH OP. I also liked a drink but like many others on this thread only a couple of nights a week socially (in hindsight I still was a binge drinker and could put away far too much) but my DH was an every day drinker. Occasionally we would argue after alcohol. His drinking made him a different person to be around and I basically begged him to stop for years. It came to a head during lockdown when he would start drinking earlier and earlier in the day. I felt I was not living with the man I married anymore so I gave him an ultimatum and he stopped (as did I). To be honest I regret giving him the ultimatum because he now doesn’t drink but he had not come to that in an organic way and so he is a bit lost at sea with it although he is working on himself it has taken a long time for him to recognise and accept that there are deeper issues and reasons he drank.

I think it’s quite common to have eg a small glass of wine each evening with dinner in some families.

A bottle of wine a night is very unhealthy. It’s maybe quite a middle class thing to have a daily glass of nice wine? It seems common amongst my peers who are all quite high flying, successful, middle class people.

They would rarely drink heavily,

A bottle of wine a night is too much. I remember falling into this habit during Covid and I put on a lot of weight and permanently felt sluggish.

Now I try to have at least 2-3 sober nights per week. Ideally I'd like to be able to take it or leave it when it comes to alcohol but I have to admit I do use it as a bit of a crutch and a way to unwind after a stressful day. But now it's only one glass of wine or one G&T.

Your dh does sound defensive. I do find that the attitudes about booze on MN are pretty extreme though.

I can polish off a bottle of wine on a Saturday night but then I feel a bit crap the next day. The thought of doing that every night makes me feel ill. Alcohol is only an issue if it is causing you any problems in your life. If it doesn’t then fine, crack on. But often it does and people are in denial about it.