To think drinking daily is not “normal”

I think daily drinking is more common that people think but I agree that it is too much and shouldn't be normalised.

Anyone who drinks every day has a drink habit. Nothing normal about it. People make all the excuses in the book to justify it and say it is not a problem. If you drink evert day you have a problem.

Someone upthread said their friends were dependent on alcohol and had to drink every day, some wouldn't be able to give daily drinking up but they weren't alcoholics. That is alcoholism. I think a lot of people are in denial about themselves or their partner being an alcoholic as they're not sitting on a park bench swigging sherry from the bottle. My ex husband was a functional alcoholic, he got up for work every day, he still had a massive dependence and all the problems that came with that.

OP, don't be talked into drinking more than you are at the moment.

How old are you and DH, OP?
I'm an older millenial and I have lots of similar age friends who drink to excess. I like a drink but control it.
My partner and his friends can put away very easily and we have one friend who goes through periods of going through a bottle of vodka per night.
It's very unhealthy and they are killing themselves.
It seems to be normalised in this generation and older but the younger people I know drink much less.

A bottle of wine daily is far too much.
I like a glass of something most nights but I am good at knowing what a unit is, I measure it out and try to keep track of everything. If you can stop at 1 to 2 units daily it's not a problem. A bottle of wine is 9 units at least.
Have a bottle and 3 small glasses in addition and you've reached your units for the week.
It wrecks sleep too.
On nights when I don't have a drink I sleep better. You wouldn't think a small amount of alcohol would make a difference but it does.

Your DH meets the definition of a functional alcoholic.
It is not normal to drink that much.
I would be concerned about the impact on his health, particularly as this may/will have emotional pain, time and financial implications on you and your children down the line.

Op, I think he is saying he enjoys spending time with you doing something relaxing that he enjoys. If you could recreate the experience with something substituted for alcohol that would be better for him that would be great. Random ideas:- local history / architecture, if you drive round looking at buildings you can't be drinking.
Ballroom dance classes
Golf
Woodwork
Camping.

I also wonder if you'd make the same argument from the flip point? So if someone posted to say, is it normal to rarely drink alcohol would you say only replies from people who rarely or never drink would be helpful? I doubt it...

I think it would depend on why that person wanted to know? If they were asking 'is it normal, am I the only person?' then hearing from lots of other people who also drank very little would help them if they felt isolated in their life. Having lots of people say 'no, it's not normal, I drink loads' wouldn't add much to their interest in knowing about other people who had similar drinking habits to them? But it all comes down to what 'normal' is, doesn't it, which is why most threads on MN, whatever subject, asking what 'normal' is are fairly pointless.

In this thread, the OP is asking whether the amount her husband drinks and his claim that this is normal and she doesn't drink enough, and in that context, people who almost never or don't drink aren't going to give hugely helpful responses to help her contextualise it. The most useful responses in order for her to get a sense of what she's asking are from those who can help her put together a mental baseline for what sort of amount someone might sensibly drink if they regularly drink alcohol without any underlying issues.

Having said all that, I think, as I said here:

Having a broad range of people, whatever their own habits, saying that her husband's drink intake sounds very problematic is hopefully supportive to her sense of unease about it for sure. But if those opinions are coming from people who don't come across as totally uninterested or against alcohol consumption per se it's more useful surely? Otherwise it's the same posters who think someone having a drink every day on holiday is somehow problematic, and while some might think that's true, it's a totally different life view.

There are warning flags in the OP's posts (I am the daughter of an alcoholic) that anyone can point out, however much they drink, but if someone who happily regularly drinks alcohol is pointing them out, it may be more telling than someone who says they don't drink anyway - I've seen some really unhelpful responses in the past which just get stuck in 'drinking alcohol is bad, mmkay?' which actually serve to cloud a discussion of potential problematic drinking as opposed to, well, just not being teetotal.

Although it is very unhealthy and worrying, I unfortunately believe from what I know of various people it is worryingly, but 'normal' or rather common to drink every day, I know people who drink a bottle of wine a day. I don't know how they do it, but plenty do.

I got laughed at by a group of men fairly recently when I mentioned how I had a bottle of wine to finish off that evening, as I'd only had 2 glasses the night before. They thought I was a total weirdo for not finishing the whole bottle 'who does that?!' they said, and all laughed at my lack of alcohol consumption.

I completely disagree. I think it's helpful to have a wide range of views. I'm sure it makes people who drink a fair bit uncomfortable to read about people who don't or rarely drink but I think that's a good thing. I say this as someone who had a bottle of wine (possibly more) with friends on a night out on the weekend.
I also wonder if you'd make the same argument from the flip point? So if someone posted to say, is it normal to rarely drink alcohol would you say only replies from people who rarely or never drink would be helpful? I doubt it...

If anyone is genuinely interested in what is 'normal' there are some good stats in here - https://www.drinkaware.co.uk/research/alcohol-facts-and-data/alcohol-consumption-uk and here - https://yougov.co.uk/society/articles/41662-part-six-alcohol-consumption

Drinking heavily is actually not particularly common. The YouGov poll tells us that only 6% of people drink every day, for example. Obviously some of those will be drinking heavily and some will just be having one. For your DP to state that drinking a bottle of wine a day is 'normal' is just factually incorrect.

Anyway, this is a bit of a side show to be honest, he really shouldn't be pressuring you into increasing your alcohol consumption regardless of hat is normal and what isn't. My DP doesn't drink a lot and will almost never have more than 2. I would like to occasionally get a little bit pissed with him to be honest but I'd never dream to trying to pressure him into it or even suggest it. It's not what he wants to do and that's absolutely fine. I get a little bit pissed with friends instead (very, very occasionally).

Pushing someone else to drink when they don't really want to us the red flag.
I can drink a bottle of red wine very easily. Cooking, dinner, nightcap. I limit it because of the expense and the calories and the health risk, and because I am aware, even if your DH is ignoring this, that a bottle can easily become a bottle and a chaser, or two bottles, or starting at lunchtime etc. You are correct to think it's a slippery slope. Also who these days has an extra £250 odd pm to spend on wine??

I agree, but glasses were so much smaller! If you look at charity shop barware, glasses are often tiny (liqueur and sherry glasses) but even wine glasses were smaller.The Growth of Wine Glasses (and Drinking) through History | Inside the Cask

It’s normal in my friendship group but I’m the outlier who drinks some weekends but not all and very very rarely in the week. I’m not fussed. The issue for me is I am a total lightweight. I often have a gin in a pub then ask them to top up my empty gin glass with lemonade so I look like I’m still drinking alcohol.

Mhmm.

There's an awful lot of projection going on in this post.

Lard

It's not as bad as we were led to believe

A bottle of wine a day is clearly too much and unhealthy, however ‘normal’ it might be in someone’s social circle. A couple of pints (depending on the strength) could be the same amount of alcohol.
However, I don’t think having a small drink most days is ‘abnormal’ or necessarily unhealthy, and I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want a nice meal with wine as a date night every couple of weeks. He shouldn’t need you to drink wine too though.

I don’t understand how you don’t understand.
A glass of wine or two while eating dinner. Takes the same amount of time as eating dinner. Maybe one while standing cooking. Maybe one while watching a programme/reading etc in the evening. Having a drink isn’t an activity that takes time separately to other activities.

I’m not snarking and I’d be really interested to hear WHO is teaching university students to fry with high saturated animal fats like lard and butter, and in what context, because that is definitely not what is being told to cardiac patients or those with hypertension. Could you have misunderstood?

Absolutely

Horrendous, isn’t it.

even if it’s just a £6 bottle of wine, that’s still the best part of £200 per month.

I may not be the most objective person to comment, since I was brought up by an alcoholic parent, and had a relationship, years ago, with someone who nearly died as a result of alcohol misuse. Consequently, although not completely teatotal, I very rarely touch alcohol and am very wary, watchful and cautious around it, and the people for whom it forms importance in their life, or who's attitude to it I find concerning! What stands out for me, OP, is that your husband wants to encourage you to drink more, in order to 'normalise' his behaviour - alcohol likes company, but it doesn't make friends, it takes hostages...

Absolutely

You just kind of gloss over the expense and justify it as part of the food shop, or that you don’t go out much or do other expensive things so it’s fine

Even during the COL crisis I’ve had more money than ever since stopping drinking.

It’s become “normalised” but that doesn’t mean it is normal, advisable or harmless.

I used to drink a bottle of wine a day and with all the social media and societal guff you can very easily trick yourself that this is fine

(I’ve been sober 3.5 years now)

Given that the message had changed multiple times over 20 years I shan’t bother. I think I’ll just go with the latest research that I was taught on the relevant unit at uni just last year.

But do feel free to snark.

I could happily drink every day, I love a glass of wine when cooking! I love the feeling of relaxation. I know it's not healthy though, so I limit myself to only having a drink on a Friday and Saturday night, unless I'm on holiday. I try to limit myself to one bottle of wine a week, but even that technically takes me over the recommended limits I think because I drink strong red wine, so half a bottle on one night is just over I believe. It's worrying actually how low the recommendations are, for women especially.

Just because something is commonly done, doesn't mean it's healthy, sadly!!