To think drinking daily is not “normal”

@Downtoearthandsinksthesun I don't need to downplay it. I'm aware of the risks. I know what an alcoholic looks like.

You come across very patronising as someone who stopped drinking and now looks down on anyone who can enjoy a drink responsibly. It's what a lot of ex drinkers do and if anything it just alienates people.

Well done for making healthy choices. Fair play to you on that. I'm under no illusions that less alcohol and less chocolate and more exercise instead of Netflix rotting would be healthier for me too. But we do what we do. Doesn't make us addicted - which is what you're implying with the constant use of the word habit.

Spot the daily drinker trying to justify.

The Mediterranean studies I've read were based upon 1 GLASS max 2 glasses per day, not a bottle a day. And most red wine these days is closer to 15% than 12%.

A bottle a day is NOT healthy, normal or fine.

Me having a shower every day is a habit, me having a pk of crisps every day is a habit, the wine I used to drink every day for the buzz it gave me was also a habit and a bad one so I stopped.

I definitely think me eating chocolate every day is a habit!

Downplay it all you like. You drink alcohol every day of your life for the effects. You have a drink habit. I used the same excuses myself for years except I never used anything as ridiculous as Netflix to compare to consuming alcohol on the daily.

I was just going to say this. Drinkers feel threatened and judged when their friends and significant others moderate their drinking because it's an implied judgment on them and it forces them to face up to their their own habits.

It's a classic tactic to say "everyone does it" when what is meant is "most people in my self-selected social circle of drinkers does it". So he's right that it's "normal" in the sense that most of his friends probably do it. But at a population level it's not normal and it's not healthy.

Sounds like your DH subconsciously knows he is drinking more than is good for him but is looking to you to normalise it.

@Downtoearthandsinksthesun thank you for your diagnosis. In that case I also have a chocolate habit, a phone habit, a caffeine habit and a Netflix habit because I do all of these not especially healthy things daily too.

Although eating upfs and sugar laden food daily, has also been normalised, which also has a significant negative impact on health

I drank 2 glasses of wine every night for 10 years. Sometimes one. Was it a lot? No. Was it a habit? Yes. Did I enjoy it? Yes. Did I enjoy it because it relaxed me, calmed me, helped me to sleep? Yes. Did I drink it to alter my state of mind however seemingly on a small level to some. Yes. Did I drink sparkling fruit juice or soft drinks etc instead? No. They didn’t do what I wanted them to do. Did it enhance my life? At the time yes, on a deeper level, of course not. Did I want people to know I had a drink every day. Absolutely not. Did I justify it to myself on the regular? You bet.

It’s not so much about the volume as the frequency. I had a drink habit. As do you.

I don't think it's normal or healthy. But if you had asked me a few years ago I might have thought it was ok. It's only through realising that my mother drinks wine every night and the effect it has on her speech etc that I have come to realise she's a functional alcoholic.

It’s not normal, it’s unhealthy and he shouldn’t encourage you to drink. Why can’t you have a nice drink that isn’t alcoholic and you could do that together. A nice spritzer and some nice snacks so it’s like a date but you both have what you like.

or maybe he thinks you’ll be less inhibited and take part in different things in the bedroom- could be a different red flag if it’s this.

I know some people who do have a daily glass and I don’t think that’s particularly healthy but a bottle of wine a day is not a great habit to be in even if they’re not addicted, it will have significant effects on their health. My OH had a period of time where he was stressed with work and started drinking one, then two, then 3 pints a night and started adding in spirits etc. It got to the point he had a horrendous hangover on a work day (never mind the vomiting that we had endure in our one toilet house) and I gave him an ultimatum and told him he had a problem and better stop otherwise he would not be staying with us any longer. Thankfully he stopped but sadly I don’t think it’s hard to become addicted to alcohol.

He wants you to join in so that regular drinking of alcohol becomes the norm in your home for both of you. It's as though he feels there is safety in numbers and if you are drinking regularly, you can't criticise him.

Don't be pushed into this to normalise his relationship with alcohol.

Drinking daily is problem drinking territory imo.

I think it has become "normalised" but I dont think its normal.
I have probably 4 drinks a year when i think of it or fancy one but daily drinking is a red flag to me.

@Downtoearthandsinksthesun by take it or leave it I mean that it isn't a problem for them if they can't have it because they have to drive or have other commitments, for example.

To me, problem drinking is when you fixate and prioritise drinking over everything else. If you can't drink one evening you become irritable or resentful or simply just opt out of the commitment so you can drink. That's a problem. Having one glass of wine with food but being able to say 'no thanks I'm driving tonight' is not the same thing.

And yes people do drink for a range of emotional reasons. It does alter your state but it's not always to get blackout drunk, it's to feel mildly relaxed. And as pp said because it can genuinely enhance a meal.

I don't think the attitude of 'these people will always make excuses to justify their drinking' is particularly helpful either just because someone has a different point of view.

The way I see it, we're here for a good time not a long time. I don't drink heavily but I do enjoy a glass of something most nights of the week. It would be healthier to stop altogether just like it would be healthier to give up chocolate and cakes but I won't do that either because I enjoy them.

Life is about balance. Drinking to excess everyday is clearly very bad for you. But a little bit of what you like isn't always a problem.

I agree on this. I don't drink every day but when I do drink it's because I actively like the taste of wine, especially with a meal. NA wine is grim, and I don't like sweet drinks. So I have the choice of water or water! NA beer is streets ahead of NA wine.

That's not coming from someone who drinks more than 1-2 times a week though. Mostly, it IS just water.

Again, I never mentioned anyone being an alcoholic. I said if you drink alcohol every day you have a drink habit. Which you do.

Adding my voice to others, it's terrible for you those red wine studies of the '90s are largely discredited.

I've tried the non-alcoholic versions of the drinks that I like and they don't taste the same at all.
It doesn't mean I'm an alcoholic!

Most people I know drink either 1 or 2 daily or not at all.
It's actually healthier to do that than to drink 3 or 4 in a night.

I actually think it is no longer aspirational, I consider daily drinking a bit " sex and the city"/ Brigit Jones and associate with those in their 50's really.

But they don't take it or leave it do they? They take it..every day. I didn't call anyone an alcoholic. I said they had a drink HABIT. Why do people drink alcohol every day? Why not have a soft drink? Because they want the feeling that alcohol gives them and they want to alter their current state. People argue that they like the taste. Why not have a non alcoholic option, there are some great ones now on the market. Because there is no alcohol in it and again, they want the feeling that alcohol gives them.

Like I said...people will give any excuse as to why they drink every day but the long and the short of it is, they are looking for the affects of the alcohol.

Of course it's not healthy. But obviously it's normal for a person who's dependent on alcohol.
The thing is trying to make people admit they've got a problem with booze doesn't really work.
Especially If they are managing their lives seemingly successfully.
So you just have to accept that this guy is a drinker and it probably will come back to bite him health wise in future. But it's his choice and there's no point judging or lecturing him.

Would you say the same thing about someone who ate chocolate everyday?
It isn't a problem unless it's affecting your health or daily life. A small glass of wine a day is very different to a bottle of wine or 5 pints a day.
It's hard having objective discussions about alcohol when people are so generic in their attitudes - you drink therefore you must be an alcoholic. There are so many more factors to it than that.

To correct your initial point - if someone has to drink everyday I would agree they have a problem. If they can take it or leave it and/or drink within the recommended units, they probably don't.