To think that being told to make my work emails more “flowery” is ridiculous?

I know a workplace where 4 people have left in quick succession due to a new manager being brought in who speaks to like this. My friend is hanging on due to personal reasons but she's miserable. There's no feeling of friendliness or team camaraderie.

So from her experience and from your tone, I'd take the advice.

My old assistant used to do that… she was a delight, but she would ask vendors she’d speak to 3 times a year what their holiday plans were or send pictures of what she was doing.

Or email ‘thank you’ back for everything - which was fine, except when you receive it 15 times a day. Or she would never challenge an unreasonable request or feedback, just say ‘sounds good, thank you 😊’

She had a reputation for being a lovely person, but not the most efficient worker. I didn’t give the feedback to make emails less flowery though!

Could you not reply Hello Steve , happy to help, please let me know what kind of information you need and how the project might impact your own work . Meanwhile I’m attaching the outline document.
?

Flowery is a bad word, they are being very unreasonable for using that. It doesn't sound like something that would ever be said to a man.
Obviously tone doesn't come across with written word like it does verbally. I write a brief but nice 'hope you're keeping well' after my greeting and before the request/feedback and its served me well because let's be honest, nobody wants to spend time reading over beautifully written prose for a simple request.

I thought it’d be a woman. Men generally don’t give a hoot about that kind of stuff. Like the woman boss I had years ago who insisted I wear court shoes to work (I used to wear good condition, polished Doc Martin shoes). I worked on an hotel reception desk (feet largely hidden) and was on my feet all day. She said it was ‘in case you have to walk across the reception area’. I asked why that wouldn’t be acceptable. She got flustered and basically said it wouldn’t be acceptable to the male gaze haha! It was because she wore court shoes and was rather preoccupied about being attractive to men, so clearly thought my bum should wiggle more too. I pointed out my male colleagues wore similar shoes to me.

Some people (usually women sadly IME) have to micromanage and judge other women by their own standards at work. If your emails are always as polite and professional in tone, as you describe, and (sounds like) mainly to internal colleagues anyway, I’d just politely humour/ignore her. If she keeps bringing it up, ask in writing for examples of the preferred way, an explanation of how that’d affect the outcome and bring up the comparison to male colleagues. Once they have to explain it they realise how petty and unreasonable it is.

Agree. And YANBU.

Because the rest of our society does…

‘Flowery’ is a valid (albeit older fashioned!) word for elaborate speech or writing - you’re assuming its gendered because you’re associating ‘flowery’ with feminine - why?

I’ve recruited and trained/mentored many people over the years and have definitely told many men to soften their tone, as well as women. I’ve also told both men and women to be less wordy and more on point my. There’s a middle ground and it isn’t based on your sex.

Written communication comes naturally to some but others need to develop the skill.

Am I the only one who would add a gif of flowers to my email signature...

Completely agree. It's pretentious claptrap from the "be kind" brigade. Completely insincere.

A bit of malicious compliance here would be excellent.

If it were me I would do, word for word, the same “small talk” at the start and end of every email to this person. On every email. Forever. No exceptions.

One of my colleagues set her font to italic cursive. It's bloody infuriating and I pretty much ignore her emails because they are impossible to read 😂

I was told the same 10 years ago (I’m 40) and it still annoys me! A man wouldn’t have been told that but I’ve also been very successful so she was wrong 😊

If I do have an awkward email to send rather than overthinking, I do make the most of ChatGPT these days and just chuck what I want/need it there and let it spit out the email.

Maybe when you explained the first time you didn't do such a good job of your explanation? It takes two to communicate and if you were at fault getting - and it sounds like you think it's the other person at fault - and how can you be so sure, you being blunt at this point isn't going to help.

Emails also need to be tailored for audience.

So for example, I've had emails from colleagues I don't know that say something like

"can you tell me about the ACME project?", Regards Steve

I've actually raised these sorts of email with managers as unhelpful (yes, even if they come from men) as I think the colleague needs to tell me who they are and why they want the information rather than just throwing me an enquiry like that. Yes, I know about the ACME project -it's a huge project spanning 10 years, what do you want from me? An email like that puts me off helping you before we've even started.

Equally if writing to a client, you need to think about customer service.

Good rule of communication is that you need to think about how the receipient will perceive your message, not what suits you.

I suspect "flowery" is the manager being flowery themselves and not saying "rude".

I don’t, I hate "I hope this email finds you well" because I know the sender couldn’t really care less and "warmest regards" is meaningless if said to everybody. But there are still ways of wording requests that come across as more polite and human than other ways.

There's a difference between a shit ton of waffle and brief, polite acknowledgment and appreciation of their efforts while you ask for something.

Your draft nails it, though, I think 😁

The first is sickening!

Take your point.

BUT what if colleague in question is a lazy and unhelpful one. What then? There’s a lot of it
about.

It’s all such a waste of everyone’s time.

No wonder productivity is in the toilet despite all the tech we have available!

I hate hate hate all the “how was your weekend” bollocks from people I know full well don’t care how my weekend was because we’re not friends. Goes to the bottom of the heap along with emails from pronoun people (often one and the same).

If someone already has a "busy plate"

Then reading a shit ton of waffle from every cunt that emails them is just going to add to that plate. Then if they have to reply with a wordy load of bollocky word salad, that's also adding to their plate.

Polite, but to the point should be the goal.

Something like,
"Oi dicknose, here's that shit you said you wanted you wet spunk weasel"
👍🏻👍🏻

What does “flowery” and “softer” have to do with being polite? As for it not being about gender, would a man have to be “flowery” to come across as polite? 😂

That's the perfect example of a clear but pleasant email.

I tend to word emails on the same way that I'd communicate with that person if they were in front of me.

@BoldBrickDreamer if you read your email back to yourself and can imagine using those exact same words if you bumped into your colleague in the corridor, you should be okay. If using those few words (and saying nothing else) in that corridor situation would be rude or brusque, then you need to rethink.

One more thing - I've seen insincere colleagues receiving this feedback go from rude to sickly over-the-top smarmy and both are quite off-putting!

The way to navigate this, I find, is just to develop a genuine appreciation of how others help you do your job and consideration of the fact you're adding something to what is probably an already busy plate. None of this, "well it's their JOB!" attitude.

This line of thinking should naturally inform your tone appropriately.