To think that being told to make my work emails more “flowery” is ridiculous?

"When you get a chance" invites "Well, I didn't", so don't do this.

Propose action and with dates.

People are busy, and need to know the bottom line.

I disagree. And I've worked in financial services for over 20 years.

@BoldBrickDreamer

"I’d say something like “Could you take a look at this when you get a chance? Thanks!” Still polite, just not overly flowery."

Despite what I posted above, that sounds totally fine to me OP... perils of not RTFT before posting...

Are you sure there isn't one email exchange with one colleague where you might have been more brusque and they've made an informal complaint to the boss who spoke to you?

But OP does already say “hi [name]”, “thanks”, and “when you have a chance”.

To be honest, like a PP, if someone says when you have a chance/a moment, it goes to the bottom of the priority list for me. It doesn’t convey a deadline or any urgency.

I think the male/female thing is a red herring.

I've worked in several places and three of the best bosses were male. Flowery is an odd choice of word (suspect it's OP's word not who gave her the advice?) but emails that are human centred start with Hi / Dear and your name, and if it's a sensitive issue (could be interpreted as a criticism, etc) give some background to why it's being asked just to make for good relations and better staff morale.

The three worst bosses I or my DH had were female, intransigent and authoritarian. One of them never put a greeting at the front of emails (saw it as a waste of time - one of my male bosses said how much it pissed him off and left him feeling undervalued).

When she left, no-one bar a handful went to her leaving do.
MyDH's boss went through a disciplinary and she was managed out for really serious bullying.

Nice emails aren't the be all and end all, but brusque, barking emails are sometimes symptomatic of much bigger issues.

I'd take heed of the advice, OP.

Yeah polite and direct emails usually come across as stern, rude and robotic so get my back up. It doesn't have to be all emojis and kisses but just some warmth and maybe humour. It goes a long way for fostering good work relationships.

Being clear about what you’re communicating, with polite tone is fine if it’s with colleagues. I work in a pressured environment and frankly I’d see any request framed as ‘just wondering’ or ‘if you have a moment’ as simply not a priority. It’s also not very neurodiverse friendly or clear to people who don’t have English as a first language.

Hi X

Did you have time to contribute to the report we discussed earlier this week? It goes out on Friday morning so please update with the latest figures by then. Let me know if you need a quick chat first. Thanks for your time on this X!

Best wishes
Power

'@loveawineloveacrisp

The number of people saying this is sexist is quite frankly ridiculous.'

Nope.

I doubt very much that any male, especially in senior management, are asked to use 'soft' and 'flowery' language in their communication.

This is the type of language used by dinosaur male managers to imply that women are expected to be nice and quiet in the workplace...

Polite and direct is my preference.

But would he write “just a note” and “thanks a million!!!”? I would be surprised if he does.

OP, your example email was fine. It is possible that the commenter has been shot down herself for being too “direct” (for a woman) and is either trying to make your life easier or has internalised that feedback.

But PP had a good suggestion to check if your style is bugging your manager.

But then key dates are buried in a load of unnecessary waffle. Also, why give someone a reason to be late?! A deadline is a deadline.

The first is a little abrupt but also clear.

The number of people saying this is sexist is quite frankly ridiculous.

I share care for various family members with acute and chronic illnesses. Sometimes in conditions of considerable distress. Being told "Have an amazing weekend", "I hope this finds you well", "enjoy the rest of your day" or "did you see the match?" by someone who knows nothing of my circumstances is grating. They aren't asking me to tell them if I'm OK, offering help or even expressing any solidarity or fellow-feeling. It's none of their business, completely meaningless and totally insincere. I limit myself to "I hope things are OK with you" if essential. I would welcome any other suggestions of neutral pleasantries, if anyone reading has them. Flowery emails not welcome here.

My pet hate is a Teams message out of the blue with no 'hello', just a demand for something. So rude.

I would guess that none of your male colleagues were given that feedback?

'Flowery' is such a silly way to describe work emails.

It is a work/business communication not poetry that you are writing.

Frankly I would start keeping note of any other comment or behaviour towards you that seems sexist and antiquated.

I have a male colleague who is really 'flowery'. He will send long emails with an initial paragraph going about how he hopes I am well/had a good holiday/weekend blah, blah, blah. Then he gets to the point which is invariably him needing my help with something. The whole thing feels so fake and just comes across as if he is 'buttering me up' with a long intro because he thinks I will be more likely to help him as a result.

I much prefer concise and to the point emails rather than this type of fake friendliness.

Ha!! Yup, that'd do it 😂

Depends,if someone starts an email to me with:

Fang,

Blah blah blah blah...

This immediately gets my back up. Just two tiny letters "hi", a small greeting, will immeasurably improve the speed and helpfulness with which I reply.

I don't need flowery emails, but a basic greeting rather than being addressed like an Army cadet by a drill sergent does wonders for cordial working relationships!

It’s hard to know without an example (and I’ve not had time to read the full thread), but I have a colleague who I imagine would describe themselves as direct but really they’re pushy, and insensitive to others’ situations. I know it gets people’s backs up.

An example might be that a bunch of actions are agreed in a meeting, they follow up with:

At the meeting you said you will take notes. Please send them to me by x date.

Whereas something like this could go down better:

Thank you for agreeing to take notes, when we met on x date, it’s very much appreciated. We agreed the notes would be completed by x date but if that becomes difficult please do say, as soon as you can. Please get in touch if you’d like to discuss.

As an autistic person I value polite and direct emails more than flowery guff because it means that it's not hard to misinterpret the emails.

Employers that insist on the additional faff rarely consider employees on the receiving end like me, and it's ignorant and a bit ableist.

Tell whoever told you that shite to swivel. Your emails are professional. That's all that matters.

I agree about younger people (I’m not exactly old in my 40s). I have a new (24yo) colleague who last week sent me an email starting “Hi X hope you’re well!” when I was sat at the desk next to her and we’d already been chatting in person that day. Made me chuckle to myself, at least.

I’d say something like “Could you take a look at this when you get a chance? Thanks!” Still polite, just not overly flowery.

i would class that as terse not polite. I think as a minimum you need a ‘please’ in there…. Thanks just doesn’t cut it. Also you need what you’re looking to get out of it eg ‘let me know if you have any feedback’ or ‘file it in the shredder’ or ‘just for your interest’ etc. it might be obvious but still makes it a bit softer and less terse.

One of the best places I’ve worked banned “thank you” emails, citing the carbon footprint. The policy was to assume good faith and the best of colleagues: they’ve asked for the thing, you’ve supplied the thing, there’s no need to waste energy or clutter inboxes with the thank you email.

I find this really strange. I was working in local government when technology took leaps and we started sending emails to each other. They were very similar to our old paper memos, a bit less formal. Meaning you'd say something like -
Hi, have you got that quarterly report ready yet? If so could you send it over please. You might sign off with a thanks, Sue, but you might not because after all, we can see who it's from, and who it's too, at the top of the screen. Brief and too the point, not rude. Maybe it was the excitement of this rapid communication going to our heads - we were happily wizzing emails all day and getting things done so much more quickly - I don't think it occured to anyone to structure the message like a letter.

I left for a few years, went back on a casual basis and things had changed to -
Hi John, I hope you had a good weekend. Glad we got some sunshine at last! I wonder if you've had a chance to do that quarterly report? If it's ready please could you send it over, if not maybe you could get it to me by the end of the week? Thanks very much, best wishes, Sue.

I am of the opinion that work emails should be like quick, efficient chats, but times have changed and people are clearly too sensitive for that now. 😂😂

I am surprised at a senior manager asking for ‘flowery’ communications as busy people generally prefer more concise emails without extra meaningless words.

However, there is a balance to be had. Concise communications can come across as brusque and it's not that hard to make them more friendly.

Using your example:

"Could you take a look at this when you get a chance? Thanks!”

‘Please ’ in the first sentence adds one word, no ‘fluff’ and is a whole lot warmer than how you wrote it.

Gotta check Steve is entitled to know!