To think that being told to make my work emails more “flowery” is ridiculous?

I remember a colleague asking me if she came across as rude in her emails/interactions after she'd had some similar feedback. I said no, just Polish.

The way our communication is heard depends on the context we’re in. If your works organisational culture uses lots of fluffy faffy flowery bits in communicating, then it’s best to communicate like that unless you want the main thing people get from your email to be that the tone is a bit off. It doesn’t matter what people here think of examples you may post - it just matters how your communication compares to the norms in your organisation.

I work somewhere which goes in for very soft flowery communication. It drives me bananas. But I’ve made myself adapt to it because I find it’s most effective if I communicate in line with cultural norms, so that I’m not seen as brusque when I’m in fact perfectly happy!

I have a similar style OP, and nobody has ever complained. I hate unnecessary waffle.

I've given similar feedback to male and female employees many times over the years.

Nobody is expecting every email to be a romantic missive, but some people send emails the same way they send txt messages, and it can easily come off the wrong way, especially if the emails are external.

😆😆😆

It's the exclamation mark after 'Thanks' that would annoy me in this case. I put my email drafts into ChatGPT to improve them (my first language isn't English), which seems to work well. I don't think this is a men vs. women issue.

Just put it through an AI tool with the instruction that it's for work but the tone should be softer and more friendly, when you're emailing that particular person, and have it do it for you.

Could you change to the Disney font so you get little hearts over the "I"?

Or maybe write your emails like an edition of Lady Whistledown? She was a big hit on the 'ton.

I think it varies a lot across industries.

I work for a large supplier agency across different clients and have to adapt to different email TOV plus mirror back as appropriate to match client styles. There’s informal but direct client, fluffed up and spellcheck client, and one sentence max no worries about spag client… Keeps thing interesting I guess 😂

One of my team is very blunt in her emails and I can't stand it. I wouldn't ask for 'flowery' but have the decency to tell me why you can't make an event rather than just 'I can't make that date' and sign off with your actual name not just one initial....(particularly when the name is only 3 letters long anyway....) Comes over as offhand, superior and kind of lazy like she barely has the time for anything above the bare minimum. Which I know is absolutely not the case.

The Germans and Dutch in my old firm hated the English waffley not actually saying what you mean style.

I got negative feedback once that my voice was wrong not deep and authoritative enough. Err ok sorry am not a man got the message!

I think some of this is industry and role dependent too- one of my hats is PR and marketing and fan and artist liaison - so that requires a few more social niceties and networking than say 'legal'

there definitely is. Ask them to do a compare and contrast on random samples of men’s and women women’s emails - they’ll soon see that they are not seeing their own gendered expectations.

I think this is something that has changed over the last few years. I work mainly with younger people and have noticed that they are much friendlier snd enthusiastic in their email tone.
I now write mine as usual then go back and fluff them up. Things change and it's probably best to try and keep up.

I hate flowery, I want direct

@BleachedJumper it's an example of different writing styles, not depiction of an actual event!

I've had exactly same from my boss. My emails are perfectly polite, articulate and well structured. But not friendly enough apparently. I'm friendly with people I know, but he wants me to be equally friendly towards brand new contacts. I'm not particularly comfortable with it, and don't appreciate the micro-management, but I've gone along with it to keep the peace.

It’s difficult to say anything of value in the abstract. But I will say that communication isn’t just about imparting information, it’s also about building relationships. How do your colleagues email? Do they include “Hope you’re well” and “Have a good weekend?” If there’s an accepted house style, then it seems reasonable to follow it.

I'd be fine with such emails as you describe. Sounds like it's probably not you, OP.

Gmail will add stuff for you if you turn it on. It can add things like "Thanks so much - you're the best!" or "I really appreciate this, $name!" and you just press tab to accept. Might be worth it if you're getting this feedback, just to keep things smooth at work.

Really depends on the audience.

If I was emailing someone at my level and we were collaborating on something I would be direct and strip out pleasantries as there is likely a back and forth

If I was emailing a wider team to ask them to do something but I don't really have a rapport with them, I would be fluffy as you need people to buy in to you to influence them and that comes from the perception that you are nice and not asserting authority

If I was emailing higher up, I would be polite at the beginning and end but bullet point in the middle as they don't have time for war and peace

I used to work with someone who'd previously been trained in writing legal guidance.

They always stood by the idea that you should write to inform, not to impress.

I'm guilty of brusque emails having worked with Solicitors in the past, I do end up being a little too formal in my emails for the various industries I've worked since and have learned to soften it a bit, especially when I think the paperwork is wrong and needs a correction.

I hate long waffly emails, particularly those that wish me well/ hope I'm well, it automatically screams scammer. The only time I go off work topic is before / after Xmas, wishing a good Xmas/ hope they had a good Xmas ( only if I know them and usually if I'm asking a favour at a busy time).

I prefer to receive (and send) polite and concise emails promptly where I can get all the information on a quick scan without too many attachments.

Thankfully I don't send too many emails these days and I receive more spam or cc'd in non relevant chains than actual work emails.

That's mental. I've asked so many of my team over the years to CUT the indirect shite and niceties and politely get to the point. If your emails are polite, clear and useful your colleagues surely can't complain.