To think that being told to make my work emails more “flowery” is ridiculous?

I have noticed school have started this. One of the deputy heads writes"as a mother of five" in every sodding email. I find it so unprofessional, but as a lawyer of many years standing i can't bear the faux niceties that have crept into emails. Surely an estate agent I have never met doesn't actually care how my weekend was, and frankly I don't give much of a stuff about hers. I do care whether they have managed to sort the chain out and we are ready to help our mutual clients move on to the next step. It's just a waste of time. And very gendered.

I’d add a “please” in there, but otherwise it seems fine to me.

Hope you are well is just an extension of hello - call it insincere if you like but it's part of the social dance you do. When you meet someone and you say how are you? you don't expect them to respond - not everything is literal but a greeting is an expected social norm.

Ok. It is difficult to really know without both examples of the emails and knowledge of how your relationship with the receiver is.
But I chose this post because I think it is a good example.

I hope you are well.
It is not flowery, it is not unneeded stuff either. If you are addressing someone you have not seen or communicated in a while, it is the norm. And I think that if you do not use this or similar, you would get asked to soften up at some point.

It is a natural thing to some and an added bit to others. But it should be there.
Direct to the task, easy to read, is good- after you have greeted and addressed the receiver.
Otherwise soften your emails but, please, do not make them flowery! Are you meant to start with my dearest darling customer, and write them a poem?

The first one would piss me right off. And no it wouldn’t endear you to me, you are clearly not interested in my or my hypothetical kitten. You come across as a user and very false. It also implies you are asking her to break company policy.

The second one is too blunt unless you have a long email chain going already. In which case it could be ok.

There is a middle ground.
Hi Elsie,
I know the Q1 results aren’t published yet but we need them for the report we are working on. Can you pass them over as soon as you are allowed? Always busy around quarter end!
Thanks
Taggie.

Interestingly, I have just done a mental health first aid awareness course and asking how someone is, when it is a throw away comment and not ment at all is actively discouraged.

I thought you could if they are within their first two years of employment? You can sack them for anything you like as long as it's not breaching the Equalities Act?

This "hope you're well" and "have a great day" is SO insincere. Makes me boak. Why can't I have an interaction with any stranger these days without them coming out with dribble like that? "Take care" is the worst of the worst thought.

I used to work for a French company (in UK). My supervisor hated the people she worked with but sent emails with "Dear..." every single time. She thought my "Hello..." wasn't friendly.

It's a flipping email.

A storm in a teacup post. Mumsnet has nosedived steeply as far as quality of content post Covid. I miss the days when we had women of substance.

I’m sure you could have worded a quick polite dismissive response meaning an unmistakable “fuck right off”, then forgot about it to get on with your day.

i have sometimes responded to mansplaining or idiotic emails with the failsafe passive aggressive “That’s certainly… a point of view” It’s not hard is it.

@BoldBrickDreamer please include pics of cotton wool, clouds and flowers on all future emails! what a lot of drivel!

Why do people need such validation and niceness in an email?
Yes, if you are asking (phone or in person), then a friendly approach andxa comment about thei newxteeny, tiny kitten and its bean pad paws if welcomed, but in a written communication, it's ridiculous.
Same in meetings; no need to excuse why you cannot attend (sorry, can't make it, picking darling LaLa from ballet), just say, 'no I can't do that date' will suffice

I have team members who are all OMG! And smiling faces etc and I just can’t be arsed!
inhave one person though who I do t like and I know my emails can be terse so I run it though AI and say ‘ make the tone warmer’!

I agree that no man would be asked to make their emails friendlier or more flowery in any way if they were professional but direct .
My Director barely uses punctuation, he’s so ‘to the point’

Then you would be liable for constructive dismissal. You literally cannot sack someone for a friendly email. Have you never had a job before?

I’m a senior female leader (late 40’s) and understand gender bias.

However, studies also show progressing at work is how well you are able to get on with and communicate with people. It is perfectly possibly this feedback is valid and nothing to do with gender bias, so rather than constantly posting “I just don’t understand why I have to…”, consider they may be right and you are too direct.

None of us know as we don’t know you or your emails.

Interesting, I hate flowery and agree with @Auldy that if you asked then what flowery meant they'd be digging themselves a grave.

I am polite and to the point, and say I need a number of things, please see list below: Because I need so many things I have to bullet point mine, or number them:

1. Inter-company reconciliation at YE 31/03/23.
2. Fixed Asset List @ YE 23.

My line manager has actually had to give feedback to our male dirrctor to rethink the way he communicates with her team. Sure she didn’t use the word ‘flowery’ but he was absolutely told he is too direct and blunt and that her team do not appreciate it.

It sounds to me like this feedback is a result of your colleagues' complaints that they find your style abrupt and rude. It's been delivered a bit clumsily, especially the completely unnecessary expression 'flowery' but I would take what's been said on board.

The "truly" is too much

This is the approach I take. I don’t mind directness if it’s polite enough and the person in real life is friendly enough. But I have noticed people are a lot more willing to help you out if you take this approach

I would sack anyone who sent the first email. Yes, friendliness gets things done, that's hardly rocket science. Smarminess and faux interest does not!

YANBU. Your email is fine.

Out of interest, I stuck your email into CHATGPT and asked it to make it ‘flowery’; here’s what it came up with:

"When you have a moment, I would truly appreciate it if you could take a look at this. Thank you so much!"

Sounds really passive aggressive / condescending.

Our previous accountant was blunt and direct - not rude but couldn't be accused of being warm. She used as few words as she could get away with - she was hard to work with, and explanations were thin on the ground. We eventually told her boss we didn't enjoy working with her due to her difficult communication style - the joy of paying for a bought-in service is that you can have it with a smile.
Life's too short for dealing with grumpy-sounding accountants.

“ I appreciate you’re busy…”
They should be. They are at work.

I don't enjoy it, but, in the culture of the people I work with (non-UK, non-europe) a little bit of small talk/fluff is necessary or it really jars culturally for them.

So I've had to learn to add it. Not to just cut straight to the point, but do the 'hope you are well' dance.

doesn't come naturally, but I consider it part of my work persona these days.

With people I work with all the time, I relax it and just talk to them, but with everyone else, I paste on my friendliest smile and kick off with small talk (well, the Slack/email version of such)

I am very good at fluff. Because it gets you things.

”Hi Elsie

How was your weekend? Brian from accounts told me you got a lkitten last week! I’m so jealous - have you got a photo?

I know it’s a cheeky ask as the figures aren’t released til next week but I was just wondering if I could possibly have a look at the Q1 stats for a report I’m doing?

Thanks so much,
Taggie”

”Elsie,

We need the Q3 data. Can you share this with us early please as we need it asap.

Thanks
Taggie”

Which do you think is more likely to get you what you want? You don’t need to use it all the time, but fluff is a valuable tool and it’s not to be dismissed. My colleagues are always aghast that I manage to get x crotchety old so and so to answer me, or that y has agreed to our ask. It’s the power of the fluffy email!