Fallen out with DP over comment made at Sunday lunch

I had to look up what Dutch oven is. Very funny 🤣

There is no right or wrong reaction. OP felt embarrassed and undermined, who are you to say she is wrong?

I really hate that kind of vulgarity so I would have been annoyed too. I’ve got a sense of humour but I hate coarse stuff like that. I went out with someonce who used to say, in an argument, “just because you think your shit don’t stink”. Well, I couldn’t be with someone that vulgar so dumped him. You don’t need to dump him for this if it’s a one-off miscalculated joke, but you're right for calling him out on it.

If he’s generally nice and doesn’t say things to deliberately put you down then YABU. Protein shakes are know to give you terrible wind!

If you’ve ever lived with someone who consumes protein shakes the farting is horrendous and honestly not something I’d wish on anyone! He made a rude, crude joke but maybe it’s also time to lay off the protein shakes, there’s no need for them whatsoever. Maybe he’s tried to suggest this and it’s fallen on deaf ears.

It’s difficult to know how to react.

If you’d said “You’re just jealous” it could have fed him or one of the other friends the line to ask if you’re referring to the farts.

If you’d said “Jealous that I’ve been losing weight?” that could backfire and make YOU look like the arsehole.

Maybe a cringe/pitying expression and a “Read the room Ken”, looking embarassed for and of him, then “Sorry about that,” to the others and change the subject. He’d be left looking the tool he is. Maybe save this for a possible future occurrence.

I would have been embarrassed.

Fine if people make jokes like that about themselves, not fine to make others the butt (!)

Also, not fine for him to decide how sensitive you are or are not allowed to be.

His response should have been ‘I am really sorry. I misjudged because if you said it about me I would have laughed. But you are not me, and I won’t do it again’

The blaming you is as bad, if not worse, than the comment, IMO.

He absolutely wanted to take the OP down a notch.
This the OP's template of a relationship with him.
Not a good man.
A petty little toad whom will always be intent on keeping her from feeling too good about herself or any success she might enjoy.

She cannot pretend she wasn't clearly warned and shown exactly who he is.

If you were my friend I would feel very sorry for you.

Same here.

Let’s be honest, those protein farts are horrendous too, he wasn’t lying.

Your standards are very low. This was massively disrespectful.

I completely agree with this.

He didn't like you being complimented and doesn't want you to feel confident.

It's all about control.

Based on your update that you laugh about it in private and he returns fire, I'd say it was intended as a joke but he misread the room. I'd explain to him that anything to do with bodily functions is off limits when you're out with friends. He should have been gracious and apologised for embarrassing you. Sounds like, based on the flat reaction from your friends, he knows it was wrong but his ego won't allow him to say sorry, hence the "lighten up" comment.

Personally I find the comment crass while out with friends, but then I think letting off loud smelly farts in front of your partner is distasteful too.

How bad is the smell?

I wouldn’t like it either but I wouldn’t fall out about it. I’d just make it clear he’s never to let anyone know you fart ever again!

Is he trying to bring you down because he isn’t managing to keep in shape. If I was one of your friends, I would assume that he was feeling insecure, unless he’s lean and muscular.

I think tone matters most here. If it was said with affection then it’s quite funny but if you felt he did it to be cruel/ to humiliate then that’s a different story.

So you were getting some compliments and he felt the need to bring you down. Is this typical behaviour for him?

The comment was gross I'd b annoyed. I always tell my kids if no one laughs it isn't funny!

I think he’s feeling insecure that you’re looking good

This.

You were being complimented, so he made it about him.

I read this out to my husband and he started laughing and so did I! That was the right reaction really! Just very funny!

It doesn't matter that some people find fart humour funny and some people don't. In a healthy, loving relationship if a person says "what you said embarrassed me and made me uncomfortable" the only acceptable reaction is to apologise profusely and promise to do better. You may have different types of humour and ideas of what's socially acceptable and that's ok. It's not ok to minimise your part in hurting or embarrassing your partner.

He's jealous. Simple. Was an easy way to take the shine off you

Totally agree with all this. That's the basis of all put-downs, really. It's social aggression and, yes, a display of dominance. And control.

It was a disgusting thing to say.

Ah, the delicate art of social positioning, where a single sentence can shift the balance of power in a relationship. What we have here is not just a poorly timed joke it’s an assertion of dominance disguised as humor.

Your DP (darling partner, or perhaps today, “damned provocateur”) executed a textbook social undermining maneuver: taking a moment of your success and undercutting it with a crude remark. It wasn’t just about farts it was about control. The setting? A public arena, where subtle power plays matter. Your friends were building you up; he made sure to bring you down a notch. And when you reacted? The classic defense: “You should lighten up.” Translation? “Accept my framing of reality, not your own.”

Let’s be clear: this wasn’t a slip of the tongue. This was calculated whether consciously or not. He saw you in the spotlight and took it upon himself to remind the room and you of his authority. And that awkward silence? That wasn’t just embarrassment it was recognition. Everyone at that table understood the move, even if they didn’t verbalize it.

How sexy of him to act as if you're his kid brother. Eye roll. My vagina would have slammed shut. What is WRONG with some men?

Maybe he's feeling threatened and insecure by how good you look?