Fallen out with DP over comment made at Sunday lunch

PopkinsBear · 2025-03-03T20:29:27+00:00

Opinions welcome as DP is adamant I am over-reacting. We went for a roast yesterday with a group of other couples (my friends and their OH’s). I have been going to the gym regularly since January and my friends complimented me on some changes in my figure. DP announced ‘the only problem is that with all the protein shakes, her farts take the paint off the walls’. Hardly anyone reacted and it went really awkward. We had an argument about this when we arrived home and DP maintains I should lighten up. I feel like he embarrassed me for no reason and should apologise.

pikkumyy77 · 12/03/2025 22:22

What a lovely partner you must be!

Ratisshortforratthew · 12/03/2025 21:51

pikkumyy77 · 05/03/2025 14:42

Are people hard of reading? Even if its in some sense “objectively true” that OP’s protein shakes make her fart, and that he is aware of this because they live together, how does that justify his bringing that up when her friends are praising her for her hard work at the gym?

If the position were reversed and the male partner were out with his buddies and they complimented him on his great football skills would it not be considered hostile for her to say “yeah but his crazy steroid use has given him a limp dick and he can no longer get it up.” I mean: thats just all in good fun, right?

I don’t think anabolic steroids are comparable to protein shakes but… yes, this is my kind of humour and the kind of thing I’d say.

daleylama · 12/03/2025 04:46

SummerFeverVenice · 04/03/2025 09:21

I’m sure we are like other girls. We can’t be the only 2 girls in existence that think alike or the only 2 girls in existence to have brothers.

It seems to be common sense, but maybe not. Women are not a monolith, we are individual humans with a diversity of opinions, interests, goals and outlooks on life, relationships and humour. Saying a woman “is not like other girls” in a derisory fashion is a subtle pressure tactic used to enforce gender conformity within women.

Edit:
And saying ‘what are you 12yrs old?’ Is more of the same pressuring by calling another woman’s opinion childish.

Posting derisory comments about the person is a great strategy to win enemies and lose friends.

If you are secure in your opinion, you should not feel the need to attack posters who have a different opinion. Perhaps today’s affirmation for you should be “I am good enough, my opinion is good enough, and I will not feel threatened by opinions that are not like mine”

Edited

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Hi pot, meet kettle😅

daleylama · 12/03/2025 04:37

Ratisshortforratthew · 03/03/2025 20:35

This is the kind of thing my partner and I would say and I’d have found it funny. So would my friends. You and they sound humorless and uptight to me

speaking of nasty..read your post.

LuckySantangelo35 · 05/03/2025 19:45

hangxiety · 03/03/2025 21:44

Sorry but I think what he said is hilarious 🤣 you sound uptight & no craic

@hangxiety

you sound quite immature

pikkumyy77 · 05/03/2025 14:42

Are people hard of reading? Even if its in some sense “objectively true” that OP’s protein shakes make her fart, and that he is aware of this because they live together, how does that justify his bringing that up when her friends are praising her for her hard work at the gym?

If the position were reversed and the male partner were out with his buddies and they complimented him on his great football skills would it not be considered hostile for her to say “yeah but his crazy steroid use has given him a limp dick and he can no longer get it up.” I mean: thats just all in good fun, right?

Gtbb · 05/03/2025 10:43

He's her partner fortunately.
Thankfully not her husband.

LuckySantangelo35 · 05/03/2025 09:53

He’s jealous you’re looking so good Op, when he isn’t.
it would give me the ick tbh

Thistlewoman · 05/03/2025 03:06

Firstly-well done with your diet & fitness regime.
I'm sorry your DH upset you, but honestly your post and some of the responses to it on this thread have made me laugh out loud this evening, thank you!! I really needed a laugh today.
And tbh, if your farts smell that bad, and you are doing them in front of your DH, perhaps have some (small) measure of empathy for him; he could be at his wits end🤣.
If they are REALLY bad farts-then there's a fair chance your friends probably know that and have smelt them already (which maybe is why there was an awkward silence🤣🤣) Or maybe they are doing the protein shakes too & are embarrassed about their own evil emissions!

PS If you think protein shakes are bad, whatever you do, don't try the cabbage soup diet!!!

Notsosure1 · 05/03/2025 03:05

What is interesting is the almost 50-50 divide of what is and isn’t acceptable humour regarding farting in a relationship.

Neither view is wrong, but I guess the difference is the target of the humour. If they find fart jokes funny in and out of the relationship, don’t mind others laughing, and can laugh themselves, then all
good.

But if it’s something they are embarrassed about in front of others and the partner knows this then it’s vindictive and cruel, and you’d expect a partner to totally know what their reaction would be unless it’s never happened before - which would still make it an ill-advised risk to go for.

pikkumyy77 · 05/03/2025 01:56

SwordToFlamethrower · 04/03/2025 00:01

I read this out to my husband and he started laughing and so did I! That was the right reaction really! Just very funny!

Some people do find hostile, scatalogical humour funny. Especially about someone else. We fo laugh at someone else slipping on a banana peel too. But if your husband trips you up and forces a pratfall when you are out socializing with friends is it still funny? He’s not joking self deprecatingly about himself. He is undermining her in front of her friends reducing her accomplishment (a fitter body) to a disgusting smell.

pikkumyy77 · 05/03/2025 01:47

ArabellaWeird · 03/03/2025 20:32

He was taking you down a peg.

This: it was an extremely hostile and demeaning remark.

Diblin93 · 05/03/2025 01:24

He doesn’t like the positive charges you have made, he resents the compliments you have received and wants to knock you down a peg. He’s an absolute bastard. Get rid of him. Quickly.

AnxiouslyAwaitingSpring · 05/03/2025 00:49

Ratisshortforratthew · 03/03/2025 20:35

This is the kind of thing my partner and I would say and I’d have found it funny. So would my friends. You and they sound humorless and uptight to me

This. Sorry but lighten up a bit

TaterTots68 · 04/03/2025 21:49

I'm team DH here. It was a joke. Farting is funny. Unfortunately he picked the wrong audience.

StrikeAlways · 04/03/2025 20:03

I sympathise. I had stomach surgery. Since then, my farts, though not smelly are very loud and long. I realised that it’s the kind of thing men joke about, so I got ahead of it (no pun intended) and told him that this is one of those things that remains “within the sanctity of the marriage”.

My very loving husband could easily have made the joke yours did. It’s been done know. I suggest letting it go, but making it clear that it is not spoken/joked of outside of your private conversations.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 04/03/2025 19:39

PopkinsBear · 03/03/2025 20:35

Not really, he says I’m being prudish and should stop being so highly strung.

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Thereby adding insult to injury.

Mere1 · 04/03/2025 18:30

Quinlan · 03/03/2025 20:31

That was just nasty and not funny. Does he often try to bring you down when others compliment you? Has he complicated you at all on the fitter figure you have?
It just isn’t a very nice thing to say and isn’t funny; it was purely to embarrass you. That’s what would annoy me. That he simply wanted to embarrass you after someone paid you a compliment. It’s like a childish style of jealousy.

Agreed.

Starseeking · 04/03/2025 12:13

JadededViewer · 03/03/2025 23:30

Ah, the delicate art of social positioning, where a single sentence can shift the balance of power in a relationship. What we have here is not just a poorly timed joke it’s an assertion of dominance disguised as humor.

Your DP (darling partner, or perhaps today, “damned provocateur”) executed a textbook social undermining maneuver: taking a moment of your success and undercutting it with a crude remark. It wasn’t just about farts it was about control. The setting? A public arena, where subtle power plays matter. Your friends were building you up; he made sure to bring you down a notch. And when you reacted? The classic defense: “You should lighten up.” Translation? “Accept my framing of reality, not your own.”

Let’s be clear: this wasn’t a slip of the tongue. This was calculated whether consciously or not. He saw you in the spotlight and took it upon himself to remind the room and you of his authority. And that awkward silence? That wasn’t just embarrassment it was recognition. Everyone at that table understood the move, even if they didn’t verbalize it.

All. Of. This.

Starseeking · 04/03/2025 12:05

Sounds like he was trying to bring you down a peg or two given others had complimented your weight loss. I'd see his comments as a red flag; he's supposed to love and nurture you, not belittle you.

LuckySantangelo35 · 04/03/2025 11:59

PopkinsBear · 04/03/2025 10:01

I can assure you I wouldn’t be so uncouth to have farted in front of my friends and their partners thank you very much!

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@SummerFeverVenice

she wasn’t farting in front of her mates, ffs

I think her husband just sounds jealous that she’s getting in shape and looking fit when he isn’t.

Redpeach · 04/03/2025 11:23

SummerFeverVenice · 04/03/2025 08:58

I would have been mildly irritated at this. It wouldn’t cause an argument in the car or posting on MN.

You need to mentally unclench on this issue (we already know your anus is a methane factory)

If you’re willing to admit on mumsnet to a world of strangers that your farts are 🤢, then you should be alright with close friends knowing that protein shakes make you extra farty. I’m am 100% sure everyone at that dinner has heard and smelt a fart from you, they know you fart. Everyone farts.

And perhaps instead of knee jerk outrage, listen to your DH and reconsider the protein shakes? It can be bloody annoying living with a partner that deliberately keeps eating something unnecessary that gasses up the house with sulphuric odours- so unattractive. You don’t have to have protein shakes to reach your fitness goals.

Are you usually an all or nothing person? Ever thought being good enough? Alot less stress on you and everyone around you.

Ah so the dh is the victim here?

RhaenysRocks · 04/03/2025 11:18

Ratisshortforratthew · 03/03/2025 20:35

This is the kind of thing my partner and I would say and I’d have found it funny. So would my friends. You and they sound humorless and uptight to me

And I think jokes about farts belong in a primary school playground. The op clearly didn't find it funny and her DH should know that. It's irrelevant if others do like that sort of humour.

Howmanycatsistoomany · 04/03/2025 11:00

SummerFeverVenice · 04/03/2025 08:58

I would have been mildly irritated at this. It wouldn’t cause an argument in the car or posting on MN.

You need to mentally unclench on this issue (we already know your anus is a methane factory)

If you’re willing to admit on mumsnet to a world of strangers that your farts are 🤢, then you should be alright with close friends knowing that protein shakes make you extra farty. I’m am 100% sure everyone at that dinner has heard and smelt a fart from you, they know you fart. Everyone farts.

And perhaps instead of knee jerk outrage, listen to your DH and reconsider the protein shakes? It can be bloody annoying living with a partner that deliberately keeps eating something unnecessary that gasses up the house with sulphuric odours- so unattractive. You don’t have to have protein shakes to reach your fitness goals.

Are you usually an all or nothing person? Ever thought being good enough? Alot less stress on you and everyone around you.

And I suppose your farts smell like violets, SummerFeverVenice?

If any of your friends were embarrassed OP, they were embarrassed for him. I like a good fart joke but that wasn't.

cinnamongirl123 · 04/03/2025 10:53

I really don't like that sort of "humour" - so that comment would give me the ick. Additionally I would find it exceptionally cruel to do that to me in front of other people.