Friend's one night stands to get pregnant

I am against having sex before marriage, but in this case I think she is doing the absolutely right thing - she is in her 30s, fertility falling. And life is pointless without either biological or adopted kids for normal people (nuns and priests excluded as they have a higher meaning). All my clever female mates who either did not have or adopt children, deeply regret it now in their 40s. It is OK for men to dick around with this decision and then sprog off in their 60s, but our fertile age is very short. She is doing the right thing. She is honest and upfront and unlike some second wives on here who 'had have accidents' and then bemoan their elderly husbands do not engage with child rearing, she deceives nobody. Good luck to her and I hope she is successful in her plan.

Makes my blood run cold at the thought of a baby being conceived with a planned one night stand.
If friend desperately wants to be a parent, why doesn't she consider adoption or fostering?

I am against having sex before marriage, but in this case I think she is doing the absolutely right thing - she is in her 30s, fertility falling. And life is pointless without either biological or adopted kids for normal people (nuns and priests excluded as they have a higher meaning). All my clever female mates who either did not have or adopt children, deeply regret it now in their 40s. It is OK for men to dick around with this decision and then sprog off in their 60s, but our fertile age is very short. She is doing the right thing. She is honest and upfront and unlike some second wives on here who 'had have accidents' and then bemoan their elderly husbands do not engage with child rearing, she deceives nobody. Good luck to her and I hope she is successful in her plan.

We have no idea what she is saying to these men. If she says she is on the pill then they may be foolish enough to believe that. Also condoms aren’t foolproof anyway.

I know this is none of my business. I won't say anything to her unless she brings it up again. I will NEVER say anything to anyone else.

My friend is late 30s and long term single. She has always wanted kids and is very aware of her age.

She told me drunkenly the other night that a few years ago she started having one night stands with the hope of getting pregnant.

She says that she is open with the men about what she is doing as she has no interest in tricking or trapping them. She is happy to nevet see them again and be a single mum.

She thinks she's done it about 25 times in the last few years. Apparently only a few have said no. Most of the men just want reassurance that she won't go after them for money/relationship. 🤨She said 2 men have said they would like to stay in touch if she gets pregnant.

She is stunningly beautiful and funny so I can well imagine that most men will be so impressed with themselves for getting her in bed that they aren't thinking straight enough to say no.

She is very capable of looking after hererself/a child. She has a strong family network who will make sure the child is sorted if something happens to my friend.

She said that the men who don't want anything to do with any child are deadbeats and she wouldn't want them in their life anyway. I asked about what happened if the ones who are interested turn out to be deadbeats and she said that could happen with any pregnancy. I asked about the child that won't know who their dad is and again, she said it's better than a deadbeat who won't support the child and let's them down.

She reassured me that she does do STD tests and never puts herself at risk. Apparently she is very strict with herself and if she is "going out to make babies" she doesn't drink at all and apparently if she has never bought anyone back when drunk.

I asked why she doesn't use donated sperm. She said she doesn't like the idea of it being medicalised and all the pressure of it and that she was also having fun.

She pointed out that any one night stand could result in a baby with a stranger and at least this way, the baby will be wanted.

I couldn't explain why I think this is all just so yukky. She accused me of slut shaming and pointed out that the men she takes home will be bragging to their friends every time they get a woman in bed and that lots of women take home more men than she does and plenty of people don't use protection.

Ignoring the risks, I don't think it's the taking people home that made me purse my lips. It's the intention behind it. It's irrational but I feel like maybe an accidental baby from a very short relationship is a better idea than a wanted baby after a one night stand?

ARE unreasonable- your friend will make a great mum and there will be good support for her and any baby. She has told you she isn't taking any risks.

ARE NOT unreasonable - getting pregnant ON PURPOSE from a one night stand is grim. She should be exploring other options.

Sorry, are you suggesting a man who knowningly has unprotected sex, doesn't know he could end up with a baby?!

It’s totally different. A man who has been a sperm donor knows he will have biological children out there. He will be informed when a woman has a live birth from his donations. As anonymous sperm donation is now illegal in most of Europe, he can anticipate that his donor conceived children may contact him in 18 years time. He of course has no legal or financial obligations to them.

This is totally different to a man that has biological children he knows nothing about because he had a one night stand with a woman whose sole intention was getting pregnant. That’s deception.

The poor child who will be involved in this . Your friend obv thinks her need to have a child outweighs the child’s need for a Dad .
Imagine the child growing up and finding out this information .

That's a good point. She's at least vetting them for looks.

But how would a child conceived that way feel? Or do you lie to your children about something like that, would that be ok?

It's understandable not to want to use a sperm bank - expensive, some medical procedures you'd probably rather not go through and the lack of information at least about the looks of the donor.
But I think the future feelings of the child need to be considered. This method doesn't scream future child happy with their relationship with their dad.

She says that she is open with the men about what she is doing as she has no interest in tricking or trapping them

And a load of pigs just flew over my garden. Absolute bollocks she tells them. She’s taking for an idiot and she’s awful.

Its not any different to using a sperm donor