Friend's one night stands to get pregnant

I would worry she would get an STD including HIV from her unprotected sex with strangers more.

she is either on bones of her ass financially if she’s needing to do this rather than get a
donor
or she’s not really all that desperate that she’s prepared to put down some money on the problem
or
she is winding you up op

I would bet on the third

She says that she is open with the men about what she is doing as she has no interest in tricking or trapping them. She is happy to nevet see them again and be a single mum.

So, out of the 25 men [or thereabouts] the vast majority of them agree to her rules. I find that hard to believe unless she is deliberately picking men who she thinks are wasters .

I hope to god she fails and doesn't get pregnant. She is bloody stupid and selfish.

Her strategy is clearly not working

If this was a man it would not go well.
He would be ripped to pieces.

However the her bidy count has nothing to do with anyone good on her at least she will have plent to think about in her old age.
If 25 is such a huge number to mumsnet id better not say mine.
But hey ive had some fun times.

Some really odd replies here. You can go for STI tests as often as you want, she isn't going to be spreading disease or infecting a foetus. Sperm banks have a distinctly seedy side, with some donors fathering hundreds of kids, and 'unofficial' donor systems are even worse.

People don't usually go for a full battery of genetic tests before TTC, so she's running no greater risk there than any other woman ... plus, the commonest genetic disorders are de novo.

I wouldn't have tied this strongly to patriarchy but the feebleness of these objections is making me think it is all about protecting the male's control over female fertility.

It if she never gave her full name or said where she lives it's unlikely And why would a bloke go hunting out someone he'd had a random shag with. Obviously he wouldn't know about any pregnancy.

I could have a ONS with someone. Tell them my name is Jane Smith when really it's Lilay Brown. Even say I lived in London. How would this guy track me a year later? Espr not knowing id given birth to his child. C'mon realistically what's the odds?

I can understand you are concerned for your friend. It sounds to me as though she is selling herself short. If she is stunning and attractive in other ways, she could probably have a proper relationship which may lead to a child. However she may not want that - or may say she doesn't. No matter how open someone appears they don't always tell the whole truth, even to themselves.

It is of course her business. I don't get any of it, neither do you but there's nowt we can do about it. I feel sorry for any child she might conceive, most like to know that they were at least conceived in love, even if things don't work out with their parents. It always seems selfish to me to just have sex randomly in order to become pregnant, smacks of desperation. She must have other things in life that are fulfilling.

However it is what it is. Let's just hope for the best. Nobody else's business.

I don't think it's a terrible way to try to conceive but it seems a bit unfocused? IVF would obviously be expensive but sperm donor in the UK costs around £1000 per shot and she could target her ovulation days. I would be most worried about the health risks to her rather than any judgement about enjoying sex with strangers. It is irrational that you think an accidental pregnancy from a short term relationship would be better, better for whom?

My concern would be she is bedding an abuser . Who decides to control, and play games afterwards with her and the child and her life is ruined for 11-18 years with ,,, he turns up he doesn’t turn up .
or Court action.

Yes if she does get pregnant and do it alone then she has a child who wonders where their dad is and doesn’t bother. Then what.

If she's so desperate for a child, I don't understand why she wouldn't go to a fertility clinic and use a donor. She'd get a better estimate of her actual chances and could move on to further fertility treatment if her initial attempts are unsuccessful. She's putting her health at risk by having unprotected sex with randos without knowing if she has any underlying fertility issues which might make the whole endeavor pointless.

Exactly. There is NO WAY that she's upfront with them.

What’s wrong with that?

I've been on two threads on here where oopsing has been presented as a feminist act, and those opposing it on the basis of the rights of the child were "upholding the patriarchy".

MN is absolutely bonkers on this issue.

Well she is putting herself at risk if she's had sex with 25 men without protection.

She doesn't sound very mature to raise a child. No amount of money and family support can make up for the immaturity of the parent.

There’s a bit of me that thinks meh! But then there’s another bit of me that wonders what she’s going to say to her child about their father when the child gets older. My kids absolutely love hearing about how me and DP met and how wanted they were when we were TTC. I just wonder how she is going to frame fucking random blokes in clubs into a heart warming tale for the child?

This relies on neither the father nor the child ever going looking, which is incredibly unlikely, and her never being found, which is also unlikely. It's incredibly easy to find someone these days if you want to. Unless she is exclusively doing this in other countries than the one which she lives, which does drop the chances of her being found somewhat, but not entirely. In order for her to have any chance of never being found, she'd have to drop off the radar entirely, move, change her name etc.

This was actually my Plan A. I went off-plan and got married. It was a massive mistake, I'd have done better by myself, and I ended up having nothing but miscarriages anyway.

I do have a younger friend who's co-parenting rather brilliantly with a fling who, when asked, said he'd like to be involved. It looks perfect to me.

Agree..Loads of {especially more intelligent} people are choosing not to have any children at all.

@Polkadotbikinininii

My main concern would be that she knows nothing about the men's genetic histories. I know many couples don't get genetically screened, but a lot of them will know at least about things that 'run in the family'. Diabetes, certain MH/intellectual conditions, certain cancers, heart disease, kidney disease all can be genetic and are often known about by relatives.

I'm adopted and have 3 (all non life threatening, but 2 life 'affecting') genetic conditions. It would have been nice to know about them, although it wouldn't have changed my decision on having children. But what if one of those conditions was Huntington's, Cystic Fibrosis, or BRCA? This woman will have no idea if any of these men actually do have genetic conditions that, had she known, would have 'ruled them out' as potential 'donors'.

She really needs to think twice about the safety of 'medicalized' sperm donation as well as the legal 'freedom' it provides. One of DS1's single friends (aged 42) is expecting her first via IVF. The donor's medical and genetic history was thoroughly screened. They are screened for drug use and legal history. She knows his educational background. She knows his ethnic history. She is over the moon about becoming a mother. She also knows that the donor cannot pop back up in her life at some point claiming parent's rights.

Others mentioned it, but I have no doubt that she is NOT telling these men that she's trying to become pregnant. Unless she's intentionally choosing stupid men (which could be a problem in itself for offspring), most men would run a mile.

The trolls are out today full force, must be the spring.

It's so utterly selfish and short sighted.

''I want a Baybeee'' without thought that it is only a baby for a very short time, and soon turns into an adult that will question very hard their mother's morals.

''Sorry I haven't a clue who your father was, I was having multiple partners as I wanted a baby''.

Children deserve to know who their father is.

I think it's very unfair to any future child - there's a very high chance that they will never know who their father is, as I strongly doubt that any of these men would want to stay involved, or that they're even giving your friend their real names. Though I also doubt that she's telling them that she's hoping to get pregnant with them, what man would agree to that risk?

If she uses a sperm donor her child can trace the father when he or she turns 18, and children have a right to know who their parents are. What does she intend to tell her child about their father "I hooked up with him in a bar when I was on a work trip, he gave me a fake phone number, but his name is Juan and he lives in Madrid?"