Friend's one night stands to get pregnant

And if one of them wished to adopt as single man one day? Grounds for sterilisation?

However ill advised her actions she isn't deceiving anyone. They shouldn't be using contraception because of untrustworthy women after their babies, they should be using it as a matter of course because unprotected sex is how pregnancy and STIs happen.

I warn my sons about women like this at the same time as telling them they need to use contraception. This is a main reason why they need to use it!

Any adult who puts their desire for a child above a child’s need to have two parents is selfish and deserves to be sterilised. The stories of children who are fine having grown up with single parents are not a reason to do this. Those children will all have felt their lack of a parent at some point.

I know this is none of my business. I won't say anything to her unless she brings it up again. I will NEVER say anything to anyone else.

My friend is late 30s and long term single. She has always wanted kids and is very aware of her age.

She told me drunkenly the other night that a few years ago she started having one night stands with the hope of getting pregnant.

She says that she is open with the men about what she is doing as she has no interest in tricking or trapping them. She is happy to nevet see them again and be a single mum.

She thinks she's done it about 25 times in the last few years. Apparently only a few have said no. Most of the men just want reassurance that she won't go after them for money/relationship. 🤨She said 2 men have said they would like to stay in touch if she gets pregnant.

She is stunningly beautiful and funny so I can well imagine that most men will be so impressed with themselves for getting her in bed that they aren't thinking straight enough to say no.

She is very capable of looking after hererself/a child. She has a strong family network who will make sure the child is sorted if something happens to my friend.

She said that the men who don't want anything to do with any child are deadbeats and she wouldn't want them in their life anyway. I asked about what happened if the ones who are interested turn out to be deadbeats and she said that could happen with any pregnancy. I asked about the child that won't know who their dad is and again, she said it's better than a deadbeat who won't support the child and let's them down.

She reassured me that she does do STD tests and never puts herself at risk. Apparently she is very strict with herself and if she is "going out to make babies" she doesn't drink at all and apparently if she has never bought anyone back when drunk.

I asked why she doesn't use donated sperm. She said she doesn't like the idea of it being medicalised and all the pressure of it and that she was also having fun.

She pointed out that any one night stand could result in a baby with a stranger and at least this way, the baby will be wanted.

I couldn't explain why I think this is all just so yukky. She accused me of slut shaming and pointed out that the men she takes home will be bragging to their friends every time they get a woman in bed and that lots of women take home more men than she does and plenty of people don't use protection.

Ignoring the risks, I don't think it's the taking people home that made me purse my lips. It's the intention behind it. It's irrational but I feel like maybe an accidental baby from a very short relationship is a better idea than a wanted baby after a one night stand?

ARE unreasonable- your friend will make a great mum and there will be good support for her and any baby. She has told you she isn't taking any risks.

ARE NOT unreasonable - getting pregnant ON PURPOSE from a one night stand is grim. She should be exploring other options.

This happened to my dh before we met.

The mother had no intention of him ever finding out and he was lucky in that a mutual friend told him about the pregnancy and the fact she had tried this with other men.

She never wanted him in the childs life and just wanted a baby and even now would rather he was not involved.

I don't have sons but if I did, I would be warning them about this type of woman.

"She reassured me that she does do STD tests and never puts herself at risk."

This doesn't make sense, how would she know what they are infected with if they're one night stands??? She's risking having to be treated for an STD while pregnant!

Good point. I do think think the men are stupid though and I don't understand why they would choose to risk a baby without having any interest in it. 😪

I do think she is probably honest with them but as others have said, even if she isn't, they have equal responsibility to manage contraception.

She's called a common name like Jane Smith and her job is something generic like receptionist. She doesn't really do much social media so it wouldn't be the easiest to find her. Plus I the more I think about it, the more I think she probably does it when she's away. I don't imagine any men will be looking for her after a one night stand anyway.

Maybe they should have the right to though? If, the next day they regret it and think they should support any child. That must be a bit rubbish as well, knowing you potentially have a baby.

Did you read the full original post ?”
Two of the guys said they would like to keep in touch if she got pregnant”

my point is relevant.

As HIV can take up to 3 months from the sexual contact with a carrier to show positive i assume your friend is waiting a minimum of 14 weeks between sexual partners.

I am against having sex before marriage, but in this case I think she is doing the absolutely right thing - she is in her 30s, fertility falling. And life is pointless without either biological or adopted kids for normal people (nuns and priests excluded as they have a higher meaning). All my clever female mates who either did not have or adopt children, deeply regret it now in their 40s. It is OK for men to dick around with this decision and then sprog off in their 60s, but our fertile age is very short. She is doing the right thing. She is honest and upfront and unlike some second wives on here who 'had have accidents' and then bemoan their elderly husbands do not engage with child rearing, she deceives nobody. Good luck to her and I hope she is successful in her plan.

I think my concern is that the baby will one day grow to be curious about their father and looks like they will be denied the opportunity to have a father/child relationship, also the grandparent/Aunty/cousins/uncle relationships.

Knowing your parentage is important to me. Genetics are another issue and knowing about family health.

It's OK her saying she doesn't need the money/support now. But you honestly never what will be happening 10yrs later...

I think you'd be surprised at how many men this would apply to, though. I had a bit of a wild phase before settling down with my DP and I'd say more than 90% of men will suggest sex without a condom. There's a spectrum from "only puts one on when you ask but does so without complaint" to "actively pushes for it and is pissed off when you say no", but it's a pretty common thing, even amongst otherwise "nice guys".

I think she should start looking for a relationship with someone who wants children fast and will be happy for any pregnancy attempts to be very soon.

It is sad for a child to have a dad who just went along with it as long as their mum said she wouldn't pursue him for it. I think I'd feel sad or empty somehow if I knew that was my dad's criterion for conceiving me.

YABU. It is her body. Not yours. Not mine. Not anyone's who is passing judgement on here. As I fully believe in a woman's right to bodily autonomy, I'd be a hypocrite to even express an opinion at all. She can bear the consequences of her actions, whether they be positive or negative. Her choice.

As for a baby born from this, any child can have disadvantages even if born in a solid relationship.

As for the, "she's slept with 25 men" 😯, comments. Misogynistic prudes.
I'm a one man kind of woman but, if he wasn't around, I'd sleep with whoever and however many I see fit.