Teenaged DD not letting go of childhood.

DD is similar to this and she's 20, with ASD.
I'm sure she'd go to a soft play if it was allowed.
She also collects expensive dolls.

This is textbook autism in girls. I feel like all you can do is love and support her in her interests. Are there any meet up groups for autistic girls and women near you? Any anime or special interest clubs she could join? These things bring her joy and comfort so best to embrace. She may always be like this and that's ok too. There are plenty of autistic adults with these interests who have jobs, families etc. Just need to carve a niche for herself instead of trying to be like everyone else.

She's caught in a bit of a vicious circle. Teenage life isn't offering very much to a girl who has no friends her own age and struggles outside the home, so its understandable she's going to take comfort and pleasure in the safe things of her childhood. Unfortunately doing this makes it even harder to get into the next stage. If it were me, rather than taking away the 'baby' things (which will cause anxiety) I'd focus on adding in new ones, introducing her to age appropriate things a little at a time. Encourage 'older' TV, go to the cinema to see a more grown up film. Could you interest her in a sport or dance, or a club of some sort to meet other teens? Church based things can often be a good shout for this.

honestly sounds like SEN...

You probably need to pick things one at a time and address them, and give her plenty of time.

I kicked myself for not telling DD bras were compulsory for secondary school. Fortunately they changed from polo shirts to shirt/tie in year 8, so I told her they were compulsory under proper shirts, and she accepted that (only the bra-top things, but she was very skinny). She abandoned them as soon as she went into sixth-form, but I think she does still wear them under blouses; that's actually fair enough, given that she's still only an A-cup.

I wonder if you can wean her onto more adult TV by promoting something new, rather than telling her not to watch the baby stuff. Similarly, "let's go bowling" rather than "you're too old for soft play". Jigsaws rather than kiddy toys?

Work on the independence, too - drop her one street from school, ask her to pop to the local shop (self-service tills in the co-op can be easier to start with than a corner shop where you have to interact more).

I'd be keeping her off the internet, OP. Go the feminism boards and you'll see what happens to vulnerable autistic teenage girls when they find their "new tribe" online.

My dd is not quite teenage but she likes her fluffy stuffed animals and does not mix well with others. She has ADHD and autism so I feel there’s a slight developmental delay which will come with time. My dd however is articulate and will be independent given time! If your dd is the same it is best you go by their pace.

I wouldn't take away her comfort items, Autistic people can have a very hard time with change so I think that would be cruel and unwise. You could try and introduce new interests, or she might get them on her own as she gets older. An autisitc relative of mine also didn't want to grow up as he saw that adulthood brought more responsibilites and challanges.

Abruptly? Never suggested anything abrupt. Your feelings … start your own thread. This is about OP.

I still played with toys well in to my teen years and still do now. I was recently diagnosed with autistic, so maybe it's worth getting her in for assessment?.

Please don't be pushy with her, she has the whole rest of her life to be an adult.

I remember at 14 going to visit a school friend and she wanted to play imaginary hobby horse in the garden.

I thought it was weird but I am assuming she’s a fully functioning adult now. No sen as far as I was aware. Some people just like that and looking back it’s kind of sweet. I just wanted to play computer games.

My son is exactly the same (15) has autism and being referred for global development delay

Well, there you go then. Have you read up on her diagnosis?

No, of course you aren’t BU to worry.
All of us with children who are a bit different / less mature worry about that. But the main thing is to develop her acceptance and happiness in herself. She will need resilience to be different and be happy.
She will find her tribe eventually.

As she’s audhd she’s developmentally upto 3 years younger, so if she’s 14.5 it’s more like 11.5

I don’t think any posters are suggesting throwing away the comfort items and toys? Everyone is saying it’s fine!

It's difficult not to worry, isn't it?

But I hope a lof of PPs' posts are showing you that there are many other children/teens like your daugther who are doing things at their own pace. And that is OK.

The people who ostracise them don't really matter. You cannot get along with everybody. And that is OK too. Maybe gently encourage your DD to find her people. One or two good friends are more than enough.

Small steps 🙂.

As an audhd adult with an audhd adult aged child I urge you to completely ignore the posters telling you to throw away her comfort items. Awful advice!!

Lots and lots of autistic adults like "childish" items like anime and plush toys. That's not a problem at all in itself, they likely give her a lot of joy. She also sounds very intelligent and an avid reader.

But being concerned for her isn't terrible of you either. You know you won't be around forever and she sounds like she is struggling with the transitions and the idea of adulthood looming.

Has she read much about growing up as an audhd girl becoming a woman? There are some great books on the market now, if she likes reading it might be worth looking at some of those for her?

I'd also suggest things like The Big Life Journal, or girls challenge type clubs were they get badges for skills (these aren't all in person, some are book based or online based). I'd focus on finding things to boost her confidence in her abilities.

I'd also look at and read up on Sensitivity Dysphoria as it's something a lot of ADHD women really struggle with.

I think YABU to expect an autistic person to develop in line with their peers. It’s a disability that is all about difference in development. Did you imagine she could be diagnosed with autism and just not experience any of the disability?

Soonenough I think “ a bit ND” might cause offence

If your daughter has SEN her development across the board is most likely impacted. As a result play, communication, needs that are typically associated with much younger children are her normal. She's not broken, but it may be time to seek support to better understand her capacities and needs as she ages. It is not uncommon to see 20 year olds with SEN still enjoying toys, children/family films and play.

It’s your job to progress her into as much independence as is possible. That might start with showing a child how to dress themselves, how to eat with cutlery, how to cross a road etc. Somewhere along the line this progression has stalled.
Research some information about what is going on with your daughter, what kind of help you and her need, and make some kind of plan with her. There’s plenty of time as she’s young, you don’t know what the future holds and she needs to progress into better independence.

She already is different, and it's fine that she is. She knows what she likes and what she takes comfort in.

Does she have an allowance? You mentioned an interest in anime figures and Hello Kitty. Does she have an allowance she can spend on these things? That might encourage a little independence.

As for her childlike behavior, I wouldn't push it. 14 is really young. I still played with most of my primary ages toys up until age 15. After that I slowly started to lose interest in them. I also watched a lot of mindless children's television after school. It was for children much younger, but I used it to unwind after school. The days were long and I was always tired afterwards. I needed a bit a mindless, non-threatening entertainment afterwards.