Teenaged DD not letting go of childhood.

OP, your daughter is neurodivergent. Everything you have described fits with her diagnosis so presumably isn’t a surprise to you? Ideally, separate the things that need to be worked on (ie independence) from her special interests and personality, which don’t need to change. I don’t mean this harshly, because I fully understand the frustration and worry that comes with parenting neurodivergent children, but please try to let go of your expectations for a ‘normal’ life for your daughter. She is brilliantly unique and as you’ve described, has many wonderful talents. The teen years are tricky anyway, try to give her some space to grow up in her own time.
check out Lisa Galley on Insta. She’s an advocate for autism affirming parenting. Much love xx

doesnt seem all that childish to me op

Hello, I hope you read this message because I want to give you my opinion. Im not a Doctor but I've experienced Life a lot. Your Daughter is now entering a profound stage in her life where so many changes and transformations are taking place. Please let her evolve at her own pace. I don't want to make this a long text but I do know one thing: The most advanced humans are destined to experience the most challenging Adolescence. She has a lot to contribute to The Human Race but giving her more challenges and forced expectations upon her will cause utmost harm. Let her develope into an Adult in her own way. So many children are being damaged by forcing them to become adults too soon. Once the damage is done, there's no going back. Nurture the child and there's nothing wrong with everyone finding their own inner child, if poss. Being in touch with ones inner child is a gift which is not possible once the head is messed up.

What are her solo hobbies?
Drama club…. What is feedback from the teacher?

This is interesting as my dd tried university, she attempted to live away from home but basically went into shut down. Wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t speak to anyone. In the end I had to pull her out as she tried to take her own life.

I pushed her into independence too soon and I have to live with that.

I know a few kids like this (two of mine included)! Other kids won’t admit to it in front of others, I know many a 16 year old who admit to still live watching Peppa Pig.
i can understand your concerns, SEN can point to hanging on to childhood happiness as adulting can seem scary.

Some can grow up overnight at 7, while others it often takes longer.

I would say most by Yr9 are starting to drift over to more teenage stuff - some at Yr7 are off to theme parks while others at 16 are still happy with parents. Believe me, it can be a scary world out there for some kids, if they’re happy at home you are lucky.

it will come, if you’re worried ask the school if they have any concerns, maybe just at home it’s their happy release.

Well then, that would account for her reluctance to grow up. Just support her and give her time.

Primark do quite soft crops type bras with removable pads - they are comfortable and are quite appropriate under clothing.

My DD is very articulate and has never had any problems with toileting. She is autistic though, has an EHCP and has SEMH support

Maybe she is just not interested in typical teenage and mainstream crap, but hasn't found a grpup of friends that are similar so is stuck in a kimd of limbo. Gossiping, makeup, parties, small talk, boys, hanging around etc, most kids just do this stuff purely to 'fit in' and don't even understand what they are doing and why.
Does she have any interests ehat you can find a like minded group thatvare not typical interests. Pottery, sewing etc. I saw a program about female morris dancers the other day, they make their own costumes and make up the dances. Maybe there aren't any kids that arent following the mainstream stuff in her class so she hasn't got any references of what to do if she doesn't want to do the typical mainstream stuff. But you could help her to find something that she does like that is social so she can start to come out of her shell and find out there is a world out there that isnt all 'designer labels, tiktok dances etc'

I don’t say this to cause upset, but a lot of this is often seen in a girl who has, or is being, sexually abused by someone.

But what does monitoring it to if you’re not going to set any limits? Genuine question

So what we talking here? How many hours a day during the week and at the weekends?

Anything extra curricular at all? What does she do at the weekends? Just phone?

I wouldn’t shut it out either though. Being LGBTQ+ and her having the trauma you spoke of actually lean me in the direction that she is, even in some small way, correct. Your DD is clearly intelligent, you say academically she does well and is extremely well read. She clearly isn’t afraid of adult discussions with the books you say she’s reading. It’s not that she isn’t capable, but that she feels more comfortable at least some of the time being/playing “younger”

Age regression doesn’t have to be kink related at all, it’s often a trauma response and is more common in ND people. It isn’t necessarily something to be afraid of in itself. But yes, it can also go in hand with kink. I believe it would be helpful for you to calmly research and consider these things carefully.

Do you impose any screen time restriction at all OP?

My DD was very similar to this. Adamant she did not want to grow up, leave home etc. She wouldn't even sing along with songs relating to growing up. She's now at uni and managing. She's selected those parts of growing up she was prepared to live with tried to accept them. She's also autistic. I'd not push it, let her go at her own speed, she might amaze you.

OP it feels like Snoopypajamas is projecting her likes on to your daughter!