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Original poster

How do you navigate different love languages?

57 replies

Cubagoodeggjunior · 03/03/2025 10:13

I know the love language thing isn’t actually science but I’m trying to muddle my way through a relationship after years of singleness!

I’m in a relationship with a really wonderful man. Truly.

It’s quite clear, however, that words are not his thing. His actions are so kind, he’s (mostly) thoughtful and he seems very dedicated to a long term relationship with me.

However, he’s just awful with words. He accidentally insults me and then cannot fathom why I’m insulted and he gives very minimal compliments.

I am very much a words person and I am finding it a bit tricky sometimes.

For example, last week he started talking about what songs he’d have at our wedding… and yet his actual words on his feelings about me amount to the occasional “I quite like you, you know, Cuba Goodegg”, and not much else.

Similarly, he can’t keep his hands off me but conversely, I can count on one hand the number of times he’s complimented my appearance, and those occasions have been mild “you looked nice in that dress yesterday”.

Any time I’ve raised it, he’s been quite baffled that I have any insecurities regarding his feelings for me, but I teally do struggle with it.

I realise this is probably more my issue than his, but interested to know how people
deal with this kind of difference in a long term
relationship.

Are men just from Mars and women from Venus?

OP posts:
wherearemypastnames · 03/03/2025 11:13

Well to solve that needs communication- but don't be surprised if the person who doesn't use words the way OP does things she should change as much as him

GlacialLook · 03/03/2025 11:12

wherearemypastnames · 03/03/2025 11:08

I would guess accidental insults occur because OP is into words and he isn't - people can take things the wrong way - they were not intended as an insult but OP felt they were

Something like "you look tired"
In some relationship that's just a fact and used to trigger conversation about how someone is feeling - yes / no / why

And other people get insulted - you must never mention anything negative

Or the person who 'isn't into words' is too dopey to realise that their inarticulacy has consequences?

wherearemypastnames · 03/03/2025 11:08

I would guess accidental insults occur because OP is into words and he isn't - people can take things the wrong way - they were not intended as an insult but OP felt they were

Something like "you look tired"
In some relationship that's just a fact and used to trigger conversation about how someone is feeling - yes / no / why

And other people get insulted - you must never mention anything negative

takealettermsjones · 03/03/2025 11:02

Yeah I'd also be more concerned about the 'accidental' insults. How does that actually work? What does he say?

I wouldn't mind too much if a truly wonderful man was just taciturn by nature but did show me love and appreciation in other ways, but the insults change things by quite a lot.

ItGhoul · 03/03/2025 10:57

Are men just from Mars and women from Venus?

No. This is not a man/woman thing. It's a you/your partner thing.

How long have you been together? Do you feel loved? Does he show his feelings in other ways?

What do you mean by 'accidentally insults you'? Can you give an example?

GlacialLook · 03/03/2025 10:55

What are these 'accidental insults'?

This wouldn't work for me. I'm a verbal person, and I couldn't be with someone who wasn't equally articulate, in person and in writing. For me, it would be less about compliments, than about someone who wasn't able to use their words to communicate their feelings. How long have you been with this guy?

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 03/03/2025 10:50

He insults you and is truly wonderful?

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