How do you navigate different love languages?

No he doesn't.

*sound

For the love of god. He doesn't remotely vile.

Have you thought maybe he might be on the autistic spectrum?

I'm seeing a very similar man. He was married for 20 years. He says he has autistic traits when I mention that he has never complimented me. He has also never said he likes me but all his actions point to him liking me.

We are actually very similar, like doing all the same things. He is gentle caring and loving. Do people think that this is insurmountable then? I've no experience of dating someone who is possibly slightly autistic (is that a thing?)

It doesn't bother me btw, I am not one to compliment people either and feel awkward when people compliment me.

German? South African? Israeli?*

That's actually hugely relevant if you're British because the cultural norms in those societies are different and there can be a clash.

(*I am not saying that it's ok to be over blunt, or that people from those countries are all like that, but British people often perceive what some people from other cultures would see as normal comments as horribly rude because of the culture differences).

My DH is similar but he is like you a words person. He also quickly explains what he means because he often misjudges my facial response to it.

He misjudges my confusion and distracted face as something negative or he’s upset me.

We’ve been together almost 15 years. I’ll be honest, it does get trying at times being someone who is “acts of service” dealing with a “words” person.

Is he....Dutch?

Seriously, that example is an odd thing to say for someone brought up with UK cultural behavioural norms and suggests that, for some reason, he has struggled to absorb these. Do other people in his life find him quite abrupt?

Lots of autistic people get married. The failure rates for those marriages are really high - 80%.

My Ex was autistic. He was great when things were easy in our relationship. Absolutely adored me and it showed. We really laughed and got on brilliantly - lots of shared interests and opinions. But he could not be there when things were not great. In all relationships, the test of longevity is not how things are in good times, but how things are handled when things are not going well. That is what you need to pay attention do in a relationship.

Red flags from your post are (1) he simply cannot understand why you are offended. This inability to understand things from your perspective is a massive red flag. It does not bode well for his ability to handle more serious differences of perspective. (2) he shifts blame onto you with ' you are too sensitive'. Massive red flag. Some autistic people really hard to accept responsibility, or what they see as criticism ( even when it is not criticism) and instead shift blame onto others. This is a killer in relationships.

Whether he is autistic or not, those two behaviours are not good signs.

^This.

Long term this won't work for you. Eventually, it will go from hurt to full on resentment. You'll never know where you are with him - whether you're everywhere or nowhere.

He's not enough of what you need (he sounds emotionally very basic).

I believe you op. I'm glad my partners have been understanding of how I struggle like your boyfriend does... Although to be honest I'm single again and never make it very long term with anyone! Some of us aren't good at relationships. I don't think it makes us bad people

Using your example above, the way you communicate will start to wind each other up.

Long-term, you like to talk and share, he prefers direct, factual speech. It will become frustrating.

You can have lots of fun together until then, but in my opinion it'll end in miscommunication and bickering. I actually think style of communication is really really important.

Sorry if harsh! Might well be wrong obvs!

Comments like this make me laugh. He's 'vile' because he's different and clearly struggles with the kind of interaction op wants. Op asks for advice and support and this poster thinks posting 'he sounds vile' is helpful/ the right thing to do. The irony.

He sounds like Sheldon Cooper from the Big Bang Theory. That is the sort of line he would have.

Seriously, have you considered that he may be autistic? Because that example you give is a striking example of a failure to understand the social relationship importance of what you said. Its a very literal way of communicating - he was just talking about the quality of the food.

Similarly it would explain why he cannot understand when he was causing offence and then blames you, not him, for the offence he caused. My Dad was autistic and was like this.

If he is, think twice about the relationship. He has some serious barriers to understanding what being in relationship means, and that will make things harder.

He sounds vile.

Nothing whatsoever to do with love languages, just a question of compatibility.

I'd say this one probably won't work out after first flush is over. Just enjoy it while it lasts as it won't be too long til you both find each other impossible 😈

Very literal. Sounds like something my autistic dad would say. He's crap with words too but loving in other ways - quality time and acts of service.

I'm also a bit crap with words. Genuinely really struggle to say how I feel - because I can't work out how I feel - and struggle to say loving things. It's just not how I work. But I like to think I show love in other ways.

Your boyfriend won't change. So accept it or move on. And acceptance can be life changing and freeing!

Sympathies as having similar issue!

That's quite an odd response. I understand how that would get draining. Is he trying to be funny?