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AIBU?

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Taking on most of the responsibility in the house but partner thinks I’ve given up my life?

31 replies

supposedtobehere · 03/03/2025 10:08

Me and my partner moved in together a year ago after a year of dating. He has three kids from a previous marriage and I have a little boy. We all live together now, and I have enjoyed it but it has been difficult. My little boy was only 21 months so we moved cities to live with my partner (his dad has never been in the picture, moved countries when he found out I was pregnant despite being in a relationship with me for years). I treat all the kids the same, make sure they all have what they need.

I work full time, partner works part time. I do most of the house management - cooking, shopping and cleaning. Partner likes to go to the gym a lot and spend time at football. I make most of the money and it feels like I have to contribute more to keep us afloat.

Anyway, I have been diagnosed with a health condition recently which has led me to feeling really down and depressed, and struggling at work. I have confided in my partner that i feel really down and anxious. He has responded saying that “women always do this, get into relationships and neglect their hobbies and friendships. That’s why you’re depressed”. When I said “what do you mean?” He said he didn’t mean me, just women generally (wtf?) but that my work and home was my whole life and I wait for him to get home (I really don’t).

I see my friends regularly (when I can with work and looking after kids). I have tried to build up friendship groups in my partners city.

I’m really upset about what he said. Should I be? I feel unsupported and feel like he thinks I’m a loser.

OP posts:
pinkdelight · 03/03/2025 10:32

You've made a mistake and I think you know it. Cut your losses and get out now.

GlitteringBall · 03/03/2025 10:27

So let me get this right... you've moved cities for your DP, work full-time and him part-time, you've taken on his 3 kids (does he have full custody?), you have your own little one, you do all the housework, pay most of the bills, and he's moaning at you about you have no life? Apart from saying I think you must be superwoman, you just need to leave, it's as simple as that. There's nothing positive in this relationship for you.

minipie · 03/03/2025 10:16

“you’re absolutely right, I’ve been neglecting my own life. This weekend I’m going out on Saturday afternoon and Sunday morning. I’m also out on Thursday evening. You’ll have the kids and can you also do a light wash and change the beds. Gosh I feel so much better already”.

MidnightPatrol · 03/03/2025 10:14

So you are now working full time and primary care giver / house keeper for four children? And him?

What’s in this for you OP?

I’d run a mile.

appleenish · 03/03/2025 10:14

What a dick.

Cornflakes44 · 03/03/2025 10:12

Why is he only working part time? Why are you doing the majority of the household stuff? And paying more? Why are you looking after his kids? This is clearly a hideously unequal relationship and he is an absolute piss taker. Why are you putting up with it is the question. Please prioritise yourself, especially if you are now ill and depressed.