To think that women are still doing the brunt of childcare even on holiday?

It’s all true … but it’ll be the kids who suffer if mum drops the rope. So she doesn’t. And so it goes on. To protect the kids.

Ugh it's exhausting. I can't mention what my exh is like - doesn't pay maintenance, won't do homework with the kids - because I just get told "that's what men are like". Sigh

I replied but forgot to quote/ reply to you.

You are so right - but lots of people (myself included) just didn't realise this then on mat leave then it becomes a habit that mum does it all.

My sons equal parent with their wives.

My god daughter's partner equal parents with her.

Mine were raised by me and me alone, and they learned nothing but respect as well as love for their relationship, their partner, and their child/ren.

These men that you speak of are just lazy.

Truthfully, it's probably fear of the arguments and animosity a divorce would bring. Also, I have no idea how to unravel our lives. We've been together 15 years. Our kids are small and they love their dad. Well of course the do because he's the fun one and I'm always juggling too many plates.

I did try to end the relationship a few years ago. He promised he'd change and I took him back. He absolutely does more than he used to do.

Does it cause resentment .... Absolutely. I don't know how to get rid of that TBH.

What has upset me after divorcing, is that I've realised it's not that they (men) sit back and lazily let us do it, it's that many (not all) of them simply don't look past the end of their noses. My ex doesn't remember to book anything like dentist appointments let alone remember a parent drop in or World Bood Day. It's actually sad and makes me worry more about ever not being here, as our kids would certainly be the poorer for it as I think many men think about themselves first. Its not an insult, just the way many are.

I believe that those who wish to be a completely 50/50 couple should try and achieve this.
However I also believe it is equally important to recognise that not everyone wishes to do exactly 50% of partnered/ family life.
And just as some women will very much like to live a life where they have an extremely fulfilling and exciting career, with a partner who spends more time with the children, others really prefer to let their partners take on other aspects of family life while they spend more time with their children .

None of these types of women is "doing life" better or worse than the rest.
The important thing is the choice of partner and whether or not they are in agreement because you tend to feel resentment when you feel you have been forced into a life you didn't choose.

@TheRossie123 Do you both work? I'm not saying for one second it is OK for your husband to do nothing under any circumstance, but does he almost assume the kids are your "job" as he's been at work all day? Again, not saying that's right but wondering if that is how their minds work?

I wonder what can be done to change the narrative (or whatever the correct expression is). Is this one of the reasons why less women are having children? Because they want different things from life now, now that we have more choices in life

‘They choose when they want to parent, rather than parenting because they have to. Like mums do.‘
100% agree here.

I find this so frustrating. My husband will just switch off and say I need a break for a bit now and will walk off. Meanwhile I will have done all the washing, cleaning, cooking, preparing lunches, tidying, making sure kids have adequate clothing/ shoes etc up to date etc.
After kids have gone to bed (who I have bathed, dressed, brushed teeth, read stories, tucked in) I have a million things to prepare for the next day. He just lies on the sofa petting his cat on his phone and toddles off to bed when he wants. He’s the first to complain when there’s something missing the next day!
Total rant here but it’s a man’s world!
who’s in this club?

I know I'm going to get some grief for sounding smug but this is just not the case in my family. I actually think my husband does more than me. And in my friends circle it's the same. My own dad was defo not hands on in that sense and did the usual driving, bin emptying, fixing stuff but non of the actual parenting until it was time for a bollocking. But all my partners friends and my friends partners do their fair share (from what I see).

The bar is so low for men, that the bare minimum is celebrated. I don’t think it’s even a conscious awareness for a lot of them that their partner or ex-partner is doing the lions share.

Talking to my mum friends and they all feel like Dad does the fun stuff, so they then feel like they’ve done their share and can clock out if doing the rest. They choose when they want to parent, rather than parenting because they have to. Like mums do.

My DH rarely does baby care off his own back. He’ll happily do so if I ask him, but he then I feel like I’m project managing. And if I don’t ask and reach burn out, it’s the whole “well you should have asked” Women carry the bulk of the childcare in addition to the mental load.

It definitely starts from day 1. My DH genuinely got annoyed with midwives when they asked me how I was doing and not him. He didn’t like having to sleep on the chair while I was in labour!
He was exhausted too you know! Grgghh!!

Exactly. My dsis tried this, but it ended up with my niece's hair being left for dsis to wash the next day as her dh couldn't be arsed and ''another day won't kill her/ you do it better''.

Haha I need to use this line!

and don’t get me started on the 2 hour toilet trips!

But so many women seem to still want the traditional role of housewife and stay-at-home mother whilst their husband is the sole financial provider?

Only if you had children with a useless turd

@JoyDreamer86 well imo when men and women stopped making excuses and holding the right people accountable and that was done in a legal sense as well as a society thing as more women got into power government, started be able to control when and if they wanted babies etc

Sadly it's not just men keeping other women down and in their place by placing the blame on the wrong people .

A lazy man by proxy is allowed to get away with it because people make up excuses (usually blaming the nearest female for the actions of a man)

You can see it play out on this thread.

Absolutely. Until we overhaul maternity/paternity leave in a use it of lose it arrangement like the scandi countries to encourage parents to share the leave, this will continue to happen. Not a cure-all, but a step in the right direction.

I haven’t read it like that. Women aren’t to blame, men aren’t to blame, some people are just shits. I’m pretty lucky I don’t know many crap men or women. I know one, crap man not my friend but an in-law. He does nothing. His wife knew that, he was like that when they got married, after their son was born, and even worse after their daughter was born. She complained about him from before the children came. Why would you get married to that person, let alone have one, and then a second child?

At some point you have to take some personal responsibility for your choices, especially if you are bringing children into the world and you’re their main role models.

Yeah, I think 95% of the time that’s a cop out though and way too often used.

It's ok doing this if it's only your partner who suffers. It's not ok if it's your children, which is why we jump into the trap - to put them first.

Well woman have a voice so if they dont want to do it then do something about it, the martyrdom really is getting tiring if people have a partner problem then sort it out with that partner

Generally speaking, legislation has become more pro-women (and children) as more women have got into parliament.

I understand why a lot of women don't like the phrasing of women "allowing" discrimination to happen, but it doesn't go away just because men suddenly become fairer.

You cannot be "given" freedom. You have to take it.