To think that women are still doing the brunt of childcare even on holiday?

Can't say my observations are the same as yours

It's a tricky one. My DH is very 'hands on' (I hate that phrase!) but ultimately my children do prefer my comfort because of how it all started. I carried them, breastfed them, had maternity leave with them. They are 3 and 2 now and I have a Friday off with them because my job allows me to condense FT hours into 4 days. My DH also works Saturdays so I'm with them more. At home there's no difference, but out and about when they're in a new situation that might be a bit overwhelming or a change from the norm, they naturally come to me comfort. Sometimes we don't 'give in' to the demand (eg no you're going shopping with dad because mummy wants to try things on which I can't do with you two hanging off my legs) but other times it's just easier to go with it. I can imagine this scenario with my kids like yes, he could sit with them on the plane, but they are less likely to cry/whinge/tantrum with me so I would probably do it to make everyone's lives easier (especially other passengers). I think a lot of families are in this situation and it's not necessarily how it appears.

I’m not sure if it’s because we did shared parental leave, I have noticed a common pattern with people who have, but we are very even. I’m probably the one more likely to be on my second cocktail whilst he’s scrambling with inflatables, sun cream, etc!

It was never the case when ours were small. My husband would do all of the entertaining and insist that I got to chill out.

But I have friends with pretty useless husbands who don’t even know how to pack for a holiday let alone care for their kids. More fool them, I say.

But I think a lot of women prefer that. I can count the number of families I know where the man is the primary carer on half a hand.

My DP and I did shared parental leave and he spoke to a few colleagues about it when they mentioned that their DP was pregnant. Only out of a small handful but all bar one said that their DP wouldn't want to give up any of their maternity leave so that they could have some time off. You can make the argument that Paternity leave should be 'as well as' not 'instead of' but regardless, if men are going to be more equal parents then it has to start at birth, imo.

Also probably for the best I never had children as I would be filled with resentment if I noticed my partner was comfortable seeing me doing all the work while he chilled

I think it starts even before maternity leave - baby showers are still overwhelmingly female because children are seen as women’s domain.

This is why I laugh when Father’s Rights groups complain about the imbalance in custody arrangements with women retaining primary care.

Well yes that typically reflects the situation pre the separation!

But I think a lot of women prefer that. I can count the number of families I know where the man is the primary carer on half a hand. But in the remainder the couple seems fine with that. And also with the man having a lot of leisure time while the woman has almost none.

I totally agree - me and my DP did shared parental leave and although we both went back to work after DC1, we've now had another and he's given up work for a while and I am still working. That would have never have happened if he hadn't have taken time off when they were born.

The problem is, if you're the default parent, you're the default parent. That doesn't change just because you're on holiday. Unfortunately to get the other parent to do stuff you normally do requires you to ask them and you might feel like it's easier just to do it and not spend the entire holiday 'delegating'. I'm not saying it's right but to break the habit of a lifetime for one week feels pretty unrealistic.

A dad with a toddler (doing something mundane like going to the park/a toddler group etc) is often treated as a superhero, or doing something special when women do the same day in and day out and are probably told they're doing it wrong, or lazy for not being at work

My DM told me last week how lucky I was that DH was coming to parents evening, and poor him for having to rush home from work. She ignored the fact I was also “rushing” home from my office in London that day. I made it clear that OF COURSE DH would be there/ they are 50% his dc too and we share parenting equally.

Oh and societal expectations of men vs women

Yes and typically the men don't see they are doing less and are outraged at even a hint they are not pulling their weight.

I think it stems from childhood/role models, men generally having lower standards ( tidy house, home cooked meals, screen time etc) and the way workplaces often expect men to not have home issues impacting.

Just the fact that we have the term ‘hands on dad’ says it all. How often do you hear about hands on mums?

Totally agree.

The classic I see on planes is mum with two children in one row, then dad across the aisle.

Behaviour on holiday is just a continuation of expectations at home - and that is, in most families, that mothers are the primary caregivers.

My view is that this starts with maternity leave, which sets expectations around mums doing more and being the expert on everything - and then just continues.

Many years ago now, Jeremy Clarkson wrote a column about exactly that.

It’s not new.