Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

There is something wrong with me but I don’t know what

32 replies

GardenGloves2 · 02/03/2025 23:08

I’m really worried about my mental health. I have been through a lot in the last few years, I’ve lost my dad, left an abusive relationship, raising two neurodivergent children on my own with all the social, emotional and school problems that brings, my dd recently took an overdose and is struggling with their own mental health. Then my work recently announced redundancies and I feel I am pretty likely to be on the list and I just spiralled. Not just a bit worried about it, but straight to worries about losing my house, never getting another job, homeless. I can’t sleep, can’t think, can’t concentrate, I feel sick most of the day and have really awful intrusive and suicidal thoughts which I hope are not real. Tonight I feel Ok for the first time this week, but almost as if nothing bad is happening at all, like denial. I feel like this isn’t a normal reaction, and I’m worried there is something wrong with me. Maybe it’s just the build up of so much stress and maybe I have some of my own trauma, can anyone relate to this or provide any insights. I am planning to go to the doctor tomorrow but if I wake up with the level of anxiety I had last week I couldn’t even make the phone call.

OP posts:
WorkHardPlay · 02/03/2025 23:44

I think this is more than burnout: The feeling of numbness, emptiness and apathy is a worrying sign of depression OP. It’s your brain trying to protect you from the trauma.

It sounds like you’ve been having quite normal emotional reactions to traumatic events, but when that slips into feeling numb about it all, that’s absolutely the time to seek help!

It’s called ‘emotional blunting’ and is seen in depression and post traumatic stress disorder. You will find that both positive and negative emotions feel blunted, and this will continue to get worse without help. You might feel more, and more detached - so absolutely, reach out to your GP! Things WILL get better ❤️‍🩹

itsallsohard · 02/03/2025 23:31

I came on here looking to ask a very similar question, and just hearing from someone else struggling is helping clarify a couple of points in my own frantic mind. So you've already helped me, OP. I feel less alone and at least temporarily more able to think through my similar situation.

First, whether your depression is caused by all the stress you've been under, as seems likely, or is more biological is not important right now; it's more important to get some help. You should definitely call your GP urgently. I have in the past found mine quite sympathetic.

Besides the Samaritans proposed by PP, also you might try looking online for the charity Mind, which provides mental health support around the UK, including, I gather, free support groups. You can just call them, you don't have to be referred by any doctor, and I myself didn't know this till your post caused me to go looking. I personally intend to call them tomorrow.

Don't forget there's also Carers UK on 0808 808 7777. They gave me some free one-on-one mental health counselling back in 2016 when I got stuck in a crisis around my dying parents and disabled child.

Original poster
GardenGloves2 · 02/03/2025 23:30

Thank you for replying @Partybaggage @RoastDinnerSmellsNice I think I could be in burnout and maybe have been for a while. I was at work last week and people were chatting and laughing and I think that’s when I realised that i’m really not coping because I just didn’t want to talk to anyone and I just felt frozen and numb. Hopefully I will manage to call the doctor tomorrow. I’m wondering if I should mention how much I am struggling to my work? I did mention a bit about it when my dd overdosed, and I’m worried about becoming a nuisance if I mention i’m still struggling. Thank you for the hug, I don’t think there is anything I can talk about. I just feel like I’ve gone from one crisis to the next for years now and I can’t believe this is my life. I feel like it will just always be like this now, and when my anxiety is bad, I don’t feel like I can keep going like this, but I will for my kids.

OP posts:
Pookypook · 02/03/2025 23:28

OP, that’s an enormous amount of pressure and trauma for anyone to cope with. It’s no wonder you’re having these feelings, which are a very sane reaction to such a harrowing series of events. Do you have anyone to support you (friends/family etc)? I second the PP who suggested the Samaritans- they’ll give you the space to just talk through things and let it all out.
As an aside, if your DC are both ND, is there a chance you might be too? I’ve suffered from very bad autistic burnout before and it was similar to what you describe.
In any case, please see your GP asap - get a friend to call for you if you can’t face it x

Illegally18 · 02/03/2025 23:22

GardenGloves2 · 02/03/2025 23:08

I’m really worried about my mental health. I have been through a lot in the last few years, I’ve lost my dad, left an abusive relationship, raising two neurodivergent children on my own with all the social, emotional and school problems that brings, my dd recently took an overdose and is struggling with their own mental health. Then my work recently announced redundancies and I feel I am pretty likely to be on the list and I just spiralled. Not just a bit worried about it, but straight to worries about losing my house, never getting another job, homeless. I can’t sleep, can’t think, can’t concentrate, I feel sick most of the day and have really awful intrusive and suicidal thoughts which I hope are not real. Tonight I feel Ok for the first time this week, but almost as if nothing bad is happening at all, like denial. I feel like this isn’t a normal reaction, and I’m worried there is something wrong with me. Maybe it’s just the build up of so much stress and maybe I have some of my own trauma, can anyone relate to this or provide any insights. I am planning to go to the doctor tomorrow but if I wake up with the level of anxiety I had last week I couldn’t even make the phone call.

You've been through too much for a long time. Take care of yourself. tell your doctor.

RoastDinnerSmellsNice · 02/03/2025 23:15

Definitely make the call and see your doctor a.s.a.p OP, and don't let any receptionist put you off, or tell you you can see someone next week or next month. If they say they don't have anything, tell them that you're feeling suicidal.

You've obviously had so much going on for such a long time, that your mental health is now saying enough's enough.

If you get desperate before you see the doctor, then please call Samaritans, here's the number, it's a free call.

Samaritans - 116 123

Is there anything you'd like to talk about now? Sending you a hug, you're not alone.

Partybaggage · 02/03/2025 23:13

Wow that's more than a lot of people could cope with. This feeling of calmness might be burnout. It feels a bit like apathy, like there's just too much now for your brain to handle so you kind of shut down from feeling anything at all. Can you do an econsult with your doctor so you don't have to think too hard about having a conversation with someone?