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Original poster

To Object to my Colleague Harping on About Me Being British?

143 replies

BaMamma · 02/03/2025 22:28

I spent most of my adult life in North London and moved to the Pacific Northwest nearly 7 years ago so naturally pretty much everyone I work with is American. Sometimes I say something that denotes me as British, calling elevators lifts, or saying, 'I can't be faffed' to do something and we all have a good laugh, fair enough. However, I have one colleague who keeps commenting on it and it's starting to get to me.

For example, as part of a work committee, I had to do an 'icebreaker' activity for our team, and he sent a Teams message commenting that he was surprised at this as I was British. Afterwards he sent a message saying I'd done well despite being British and referring to me as a 'limey', he then went on to explain the term and tell me about his interest in British Naval History!

I messaged back saying I knew the term as my brother had been bullied with it when we were kids, commenting that 'kids can be so xenophobic', thinking that would be a big enough hint. But, no, he came back saying 'he came by it honestly' as his great grandmother came from X place in Britain!

I'm starting to feel weirdly 'othered' by this, am I being oversensitive?

YABU: you're being oversensitive, just let it slide
YANBU: that's annoying, address it directly

OP posts:
Notsosure1 · 03/03/2025 01:23

BaMamma · 03/03/2025 01:15

He was called a limey in Canada. I was born in Canada to British and American parents, we moved to London when I was two, then went back to Canada for a year when I was 4 and my brother was 8.
[I think I was writing this while you were editing yours 😆]

Edited
Show quote history

That’s interesting, you could maybe tell him you are Canadian by birth or have 3 (or4) passports.

The fact he keeps using this term and pointing out you are basically not ‘from round here’ is actually a serious matter work-wise I’d imagine. It is othering you and placing you outside the group. Would he be comfortable saying something similar to someone coming from a country with a different ethnic background - I’m guessing not. Your bosses should take this very seriously as presumably they would strive for inclusivity and everyone being regarded as equal and part of the same team. I’m not sure what the set up is regarding HR or the equivalent over there but if you are feeling bullied or made to feel different in a negative way then surely there is someone/something in place for you to disclose this.

I hope you get it resolved soon.

Original poster
BaMamma · 03/03/2025 01:15

Notsosure1 · 03/03/2025 01:11

OP, where was it that your brother was called a limey growing up, as you said you spent most your adult life in London - were you born in Britain?

edited to add - just read further comments by OP explaining they lived in North America for a year, sorry

Edited

He was called a limey in Canada. I was born in Canada to British and American parents, we moved to London when I was two, then went back to Canada for a year when I was 4 and my brother was 8.
[I think I was writing this while you were editing yours 😆]

OP posts:
Notsosure1 · 03/03/2025 01:15

BaMamma · 02/03/2025 22:41

I'm not sure tit for tat is particularly helpful here.

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Maybe ask if he’d find the term ‘yank’ offensive?

Notsosure1 · 03/03/2025 01:11

OP, where was it that your brother was called a limey growing up, as you said you spent most your adult life in London - were you born in Britain?

edited to add - just read further comments by OP explaining they lived in North America for a year, sorry

Notsosure1 · 03/03/2025 01:08

RedHelenB · 02/03/2025 22:32

It's good natured, wouldn't bother me in the slightest to be called a limey.

If you read some of the well known online forums most Americans find the term ‘yank’ quite the offensive slur. Limey isn’t an endearing term.

Devianinc · 03/03/2025 00:54

BaMamma · 02/03/2025 22:28

I spent most of my adult life in North London and moved to the Pacific Northwest nearly 7 years ago so naturally pretty much everyone I work with is American. Sometimes I say something that denotes me as British, calling elevators lifts, or saying, 'I can't be faffed' to do something and we all have a good laugh, fair enough. However, I have one colleague who keeps commenting on it and it's starting to get to me.

For example, as part of a work committee, I had to do an 'icebreaker' activity for our team, and he sent a Teams message commenting that he was surprised at this as I was British. Afterwards he sent a message saying I'd done well despite being British and referring to me as a 'limey', he then went on to explain the term and tell me about his interest in British Naval History!

I messaged back saying I knew the term as my brother had been bullied with it when we were kids, commenting that 'kids can be so xenophobic', thinking that would be a big enough hint. But, no, he came back saying 'he came by it honestly' as his great grandmother came from X place in Britain!

I'm starting to feel weirdly 'othered' by this, am I being oversensitive?

YABU: you're being oversensitive, just let it slide
YANBU: that's annoying, address it directly

I don’t know why you don’t tell him that you don’t think he’s funny and should find somelse that appreciates his totally off putting English prejudice. That should make him shut up.

Original poster
BaMamma · 03/03/2025 00:50

JHound · 03/03/2025 00:50

He would but instead it would be him being obsessed with whatever country you are “REALLY” from!

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OMG, so much worse!

OP posts:
JHound · 03/03/2025 00:50

BaMamma · 03/03/2025 00:48

As it happens, I am. I wonder if he’d do it if I wasn’t?

Show quote history

He would but instead it would be him being obsessed with whatever country you are “REALLY” from!

Original poster
BaMamma · 03/03/2025 00:48

JHound · 03/03/2025 00:47

Is OP white?

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As it happens, I am. I wonder if he’d do it if I wasn’t?

OP posts:
JHound · 03/03/2025 00:47

Wtafdidido · 02/03/2025 22:47

If he was making similar comments to other nationalities would that be acceptable to he? Being white and British does not make it acceptable. You need to clearly tell him that he needs to drop the references and comments as it is making you uncomfortable and you do not like it.

Is OP white?

JHound · 03/03/2025 00:45

It would annoy me too. I hate being othered in this way and I would let him know.

Original poster
BaMamma · 03/03/2025 00:19

potatopaws · 03/03/2025 00:17

He just sounds a bit obsessed with the UK, how long has this gone on for? hopefully he’ll get over it soon as the novelty wears off…

It's been a slow drip, but it's increased recently, which is why I'm bothered by it. An occasional remark is understandable, but it's getting a bit much.

OP posts:
potatopaws · 03/03/2025 00:17

He just sounds a bit obsessed with the UK, how long has this gone on for? hopefully he’ll get over it soon as the novelty wears off…

DoAWheelie · 03/03/2025 00:16

He sounds like a teaboo honestly

BMW6 · 03/03/2025 00:13

Just practice saying "Really?" While raising one eyebrow and fixing him with a Hard Stare.

Make him look away first.

Mnetcurious · 03/03/2025 00:09

BaMamma · 03/03/2025 00:05

Sounds good, but I suspect he'd cheerfully tell me he had plenty more 😆

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So then you just ignore! He’ll give up eventually if he’s getting no response. At least you’ll have (politely) made the point that it’s tiresome.

Original poster
BaMamma · 03/03/2025 00:05

Mnetcurious · 03/03/2025 00:04

Next time “ok, I think you’ve exhausted the quota of jokes about me being British now 🙂”. Then just don’t respond to anything else he says in future.

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Sounds good, but I suspect he'd cheerfully tell me he had plenty more 😆

OP posts:
Mnetcurious · 03/03/2025 00:04

BaMamma · 02/03/2025 22:37

If he was trying to make me feel included, wouldn't he say things out loud in meetings rather than sending me Teams messages?

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Next time “ok, I think you’ve exhausted the quota of jokes about me being British now 🙂”. Then just don’t respond to anything else he says in future.

Original poster
BaMamma · 03/03/2025 00:03

CowboyJoanna · 02/03/2025 22:58

The "arsey" response is justified because it's an arsey patronising response
This isnt a classroom where theres a new students, its an office of adults

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Thank you!

OP posts:
SalfordQuays · 03/03/2025 00:00

I can’t believe people are defending this man and his offensive racial stereotyping. Would it be OK to tease an Irish person and ask if they had potatoes for every meal? Or joke with an Indian man that his parents must have been disappointed he wasn’t a doctor? Or refer to a German colleague as a Hun?

Apparently OP has to put up with this shit, because he’s only joking and he probably fancies her.

OP I’d tell him that he’s out of order.

Original poster
BaMamma · 02/03/2025 23:56

Talipesmum · 02/03/2025 23:25

For example, as part of a work committee, I had to do an 'icebreaker' activity for our team, and he sent a Teams message commenting that he was surprised at this as I was British. Afterwards he sent a message saying I'd done well despite being British

This is the worst bit for me. Never mind the nickname stuff, some people see it as just fun casual terms for people from other countries and others like your brother have had it in nasty ways. I can see how someone might be jovially misapplying this sort of terminology even though it’s at best tired and at worst bullying / racist.

But the whole “assuming all British people have the exact same stereotypical personality” is far worse I think. It’s completely dense. He is clearly explaining that he is making total assumptions about what you like and what you are good at, entirely based on the country you were born in. It’s not even assuming you like tea and biscuits or something. It’s assuming your capability at work. This is what I’d directly address and focus on. Say to him “you do realise that British people have as wide a range of personalities as anyone else?” Unless you are personally widely known to hate icebreakers at work, and are known to be introverted and shy, he has no excuse. It’s not even like he said “I’ve heard British people don’t tend to like icebreakers, is that true?” He’s got no curiosity, only patronisingly showing off his assumptions.

Edited

Curiosity would be fine, but he's assuming that he knows about 'British culture' or some such on the basis of a great grandmother and a passion for British Naval History!!

OP posts:
BasicBeach · 02/03/2025 23:34

Sounds like he has a thing for that 'British accent' and is really bad at flirting. Yikes!! ;)

Talipesmum · 02/03/2025 23:25

For example, as part of a work committee, I had to do an 'icebreaker' activity for our team, and he sent a Teams message commenting that he was surprised at this as I was British. Afterwards he sent a message saying I'd done well despite being British

This is the worst bit for me. Never mind the nickname stuff, some people see it as just fun casual terms for people from other countries and others like your brother have had it in nasty ways. I can see how someone might be jovially misapplying this sort of terminology even though it’s at best tired and at worst bullying / racist.

But the whole “assuming all British people have the exact same stereotypical personality” is far worse I think. It’s completely dense. He is clearly explaining that he is making total assumptions about what you like and what you are good at, entirely based on the country you were born in. It’s not even assuming you like tea and biscuits or something. It’s assuming your capability at work. This is what I’d directly address and focus on. Say to him “you do realise that British people have as wide a range of personalities as anyone else?” Unless you are personally widely known to hate icebreakers at work, and are known to be introverted and shy, he has no excuse. It’s not even like he said “I’ve heard British people don’t tend to like icebreakers, is that true?” He’s got no curiosity, only patronisingly showing off his assumptions.

Shanananah · 02/03/2025 23:13

OP I think bluntness is needed here. Call him out for being offensive, explain what is not okay. Ffs, a icebreaker! He sounds like a proper dickhead! Whether he means to be or not, he needs to understand it's not okay and why.

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 02/03/2025 22:58

Maitri108 · 02/03/2025 22:54

I had an American work colleague who laughed every time I spoke because he'd watched Monty Python and my accent was so funny!

He got short shrift.

I have also experienced shit like that - I came down on it like a ton of bricks.

OP it’s not ok if he is repeatedly making reference to you in ways you find offensive. I’d probably ask him to stop, then mention it to his manager and/or HR. Where I work (also US) this would not be acceptable.