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Original poster

To Object to my Colleague Harping on About Me Being British?

143 replies

BaMamma · 02/03/2025 22:28

I spent most of my adult life in North London and moved to the Pacific Northwest nearly 7 years ago so naturally pretty much everyone I work with is American. Sometimes I say something that denotes me as British, calling elevators lifts, or saying, 'I can't be faffed' to do something and we all have a good laugh, fair enough. However, I have one colleague who keeps commenting on it and it's starting to get to me.

For example, as part of a work committee, I had to do an 'icebreaker' activity for our team, and he sent a Teams message commenting that he was surprised at this as I was British. Afterwards he sent a message saying I'd done well despite being British and referring to me as a 'limey', he then went on to explain the term and tell me about his interest in British Naval History!

I messaged back saying I knew the term as my brother had been bullied with it when we were kids, commenting that 'kids can be so xenophobic', thinking that would be a big enough hint. But, no, he came back saying 'he came by it honestly' as his great grandmother came from X place in Britain!

I'm starting to feel weirdly 'othered' by this, am I being oversensitive?

YABU: you're being oversensitive, just let it slide
YANBU: that's annoying, address it directly

OP posts:
Original poster
BaMamma · 04/03/2025 01:26

Devianinc · 04/03/2025 01:23

I hate to say it but do you think he might in his little mind be flirting with you bc this is weird

I fear that may be the case, but he's not a little boy pulling my pigtails, he's a full-grown man, and if that's the way he shows interest he's out of luck.

OP posts:
ttcat37 · 04/03/2025 01:23

Can you say something like “being British is the least interesting thing about me, please can we stop mentioning it during every conversation we have?”

Devianinc · 04/03/2025 01:23

I hate to say it but do you think he might in his little mind be flirting with you bc this is weird

Devianinc · 04/03/2025 01:13

BaMamma · 03/03/2025 23:16

I'm agreeing with you, it's extremely uncommon, archaic even. It was used on my brother in Canada 55 years ago and it's weird to have this guy at work bring it up as a 'humorous' insult.

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I’m sorry, I read your thread and I apologize.

Original poster
BaMamma · 04/03/2025 01:12

Devianinc · 04/03/2025 01:07

No,

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What's your issue? I said, "I'm not surprised by a British person under 40 not knowing it, it's getting kind of archaic" and you commented I was wrong because it's unknown. And you keep coming back. What is your problem?

OP posts:
Devianinc · 04/03/2025 01:07

BaMamma · 03/03/2025 22:38

Yes.

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No,

Original poster
BaMamma · 04/03/2025 00:45

saveforthat · 04/03/2025 00:41

Yes I do realise that. Do Americans like them though or do they (as over here) groan when someone mentions the word?

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They seemed to enjoy the one I'd devised for the meeting. We were handing out those flip charts with availability messages on them; busy, be right back, do not disturb, &c, so I asked people to find a message for a few scenarios I offered, and it was fun* to see the different choices people made.

*more fun than a poke in the eye with a hot stick

OP posts:
saveforthat · 04/03/2025 00:41

BaMamma · 04/03/2025 00:39

It's not a matter of liking them, it's my ability, as a British person, to lead one that he was questioning.

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Yes I do realise that. Do Americans like them though or do they (as over here) groan when someone mentions the word?

Original poster
BaMamma · 04/03/2025 00:39

saveforthat · 04/03/2025 00:37

In this case though he would be right. I have never met a British person who likes ice breakers. Do Americans like them?

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It's not a matter of liking them, it's my ability, as a British person, to lead one that he was questioning.

OP posts:
saveforthat · 04/03/2025 00:37

Talipesmum · 02/03/2025 23:25

For example, as part of a work committee, I had to do an 'icebreaker' activity for our team, and he sent a Teams message commenting that he was surprised at this as I was British. Afterwards he sent a message saying I'd done well despite being British

This is the worst bit for me. Never mind the nickname stuff, some people see it as just fun casual terms for people from other countries and others like your brother have had it in nasty ways. I can see how someone might be jovially misapplying this sort of terminology even though it’s at best tired and at worst bullying / racist.

But the whole “assuming all British people have the exact same stereotypical personality” is far worse I think. It’s completely dense. He is clearly explaining that he is making total assumptions about what you like and what you are good at, entirely based on the country you were born in. It’s not even assuming you like tea and biscuits or something. It’s assuming your capability at work. This is what I’d directly address and focus on. Say to him “you do realise that British people have as wide a range of personalities as anyone else?” Unless you are personally widely known to hate icebreakers at work, and are known to be introverted and shy, he has no excuse. It’s not even like he said “I’ve heard British people don’t tend to like icebreakers, is that true?” He’s got no curiosity, only patronisingly showing off his assumptions.

Edited

In this case though he would be right. I have never met a British person who likes ice breakers. Do Americans like them?

SALaw · 04/03/2025 00:30

@Timeandemotion they aren't pointing out you come from somewhere else, they are taking an interest in you?! My Dad has lived in Scotland for over 50 years and still gets asked about his home country and he loves it, so long as it's out of genuine interest about why he came here etc. My name is from his country and so I've had 46 years of being asked about it. No issue, it's not done out of malice, just interest.

Devianinc · 03/03/2025 23:49

wordywitch · 03/03/2025 23:26

I have no idea what this means or who you are.

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Nevermind

JMSA · 03/03/2025 23:34

He sounds like a pain.

Original poster
BaMamma · 03/03/2025 23:31

wordywitch · 03/03/2025 23:26

I have no idea what this means or who you are.

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I think she misunderstood something I said early in the thread. Leastways, her response was confusing.

OP posts:
wordywitch · 03/03/2025 23:26

Devianinc · 03/03/2025 23:08

It’s only one way with her and she makes it up as she sees fit. I’m out of this.

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I have no idea what this means or who you are.

Original poster
BaMamma · 03/03/2025 23:16

Devianinc · 03/03/2025 22:37

I’m American living in New York and the word limey is such an uncommon word used here it’s not even funny. That’s is so untrue. It’s not even in an everyday vocabulary thing.

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I'm agreeing with you, it's extremely uncommon, archaic even. It was used on my brother in Canada 55 years ago and it's weird to have this guy at work bring it up as a 'humorous' insult.

OP posts:
Original poster
BaMamma · 03/03/2025 23:14

wordywitch · 03/03/2025 22:57

Good for her

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I'm sorry it's happening to you, but it's just not been a major part of her life in the UK.

On the other hand, as an 'undercover' American (no accent) I do recall feeling hugely relieved when Obama was elected, and it felt okay to be an American abroad again.

OP posts:
Devianinc · 03/03/2025 23:08

wordywitch · 03/03/2025 22:50

Welcome to my world. I’m from the US but have lived in England for 24 years, virtually my entire adult life, and I still get comments all the time about my accent, words I use, people looking down their nose at me, judging me based on whatever is going on with US politics, imitating my accent to my face, asking how my family members voted and if they’re fat, do they have passports, and so on. Even got spat on once during the Iraq War.

Xenophobia is tiresome, annoying, and downright rude. He probably doesn’t mean any harm but it’s the impact that matters, not the intent. Tell him to back off or embarrass him into not messing with you again.

It’s only one way with her and she makes it up as she sees fit. I’m out of this.

knitnerd90 · 03/03/2025 23:07

mm, American friends definitely experienced it, sometimes outright, sometimes "jokes" that have that edge to it that you find hard to object to without looking humourless.

I'm British & live in the USA. There's no use being subtle here. Say it outright. He will probably get offended and make some excuse along the lines of "I was only making conversation!" Then if he does it again report it to your manager. It is considered harassment on the basis of national origin.

suburberphobe · 03/03/2025 23:02

You need to just take it and laugh it off, or tell him to fuck off "cos that's British too".

Sorry he's a pain in the butt. That's American, no?

wordywitch · 03/03/2025 22:57

BaMamma · 03/03/2025 22:55

That's odd, my mother, an American, has lived in the UK for 50 some years and has rarely, if ever, experienced this kind of xenophobia.

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Good for her

RedHelenB · 03/03/2025 22:56

Kianai · 03/03/2025 11:59

Sorry, you don't think the British have ever been colonised? I'm assuming from your post that you are British, don't you know your own history?

That's embarrassing.

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I didn't mind the Romans actually, or indeed the French.
What is embarrassing is equalling limey with the P word, it's just not on the same level. Its more like having banter with the Aussies about whinging poms
I understand OP doesn't like it and fair enough for her to tell him she doesn't.

Original poster
BaMamma · 03/03/2025 22:55

wordywitch · 03/03/2025 22:50

Welcome to my world. I’m from the US but have lived in England for 24 years, virtually my entire adult life, and I still get comments all the time about my accent, words I use, people looking down their nose at me, judging me based on whatever is going on with US politics, imitating my accent to my face, asking how my family members voted and if they’re fat, do they have passports, and so on. Even got spat on once during the Iraq War.

Xenophobia is tiresome, annoying, and downright rude. He probably doesn’t mean any harm but it’s the impact that matters, not the intent. Tell him to back off or embarrass him into not messing with you again.

That's odd, my mother, an American, has lived in the UK for 50 some years and has rarely, if ever, experienced this kind of xenophobia.

OP posts:
wordywitch · 03/03/2025 22:50

Welcome to my world. I’m from the US but have lived in England for 24 years, virtually my entire adult life, and I still get comments all the time about my accent, words I use, people looking down their nose at me, judging me based on whatever is going on with US politics, imitating my accent to my face, asking how my family members voted and if they’re fat, do they have passports, and so on. Even got spat on once during the Iraq War.

Xenophobia is tiresome, annoying, and downright rude. He probably doesn’t mean any harm but it’s the impact that matters, not the intent. Tell him to back off or embarrass him into not messing with you again.

Devianinc · 03/03/2025 22:46

Where, cause I’ve never heard any one speak like in my whole 68 years of living in New York unless you no some pretty shady people.no one talks like that here.