Friends not sponsoring dh

@Itisbetter

"Well I sponsor someone’s child to encourage them. In the same way I smile at their attempts to discuss current events or praise their achievements. It’s part of nurturing the next generation. I don’t think adult men need that do they?"

It's ungrateful to expect someone to sponsor your child and not to give back when they do something especially if they don't have children or their children aren't partaking in anything for you to sponsor.

Yes, given that that same person has asked you for money but now when it's their turn, they won't reciprocate. I have no problem with people not giving when asked but only if they haven't had their own hands out for their own particular cause.

Don't ask if you won't give when it's your turn!.

As explained in this thread many times, people do their research and donate directly.

Just to add, we have a neighbour who is into "banger racing". He told us that he had spent over £2k on his hobby over the last year, but it was all worth it, because he had raised £400 for charity. 🙃So I do not support people doing outrageously expensive hobbies and then asking other people to give money to charity on their behalf.

To be honest, I really dislike these endless 'please sponsor me' requests and always ignore them.

They put huge pressure on friendships and are, I believe, banned in some countries. Sometimes I feel they are a kind of emotional blackmail.

Why not just give the dosh direct to a charity of your choice.

Wow I’m surprised at some of these responses. It’s for charity. How do people suppose money is raised for charity? Things like this make a huge difference. How depressing that some people can’t see this. I do agree with you OP for what it’s worth. It’s a worthwhile cause and every little helps. Good luck to your husband x

Is it though? Is it ok to be offended that someone doesn’t choose to give you their money?

The way I see it, if I care about a charity I'm probably already giving to them.

If a little kid asks me to sponsor them I'll probably throw a few quid at them just to make them feel good, unless it's a charity I don't agree with.

I feel like an adult can take it on the chin that not everyone does sponsorship.

The trouble is that everyone is always doing a sponsored something and I simply can't afford to give money to every person who pops up saying that they want some money.

George: Hey, check this out. I gotta give out Christmas presents to everyone down at Kruger, so I'm pulling a Whatley. (Gives a Christmas card to Jerry)
Jerry: (Reading it) "A donation has been made in your name to the Human Fund." - What is that?
George: (With pride) Made it up.
Jerry: (Continuing reading) "The Human Fund. Money for people."
George: What do you think?
Jerry: It has a certain understated stupidity.

Well I sponsor someone’s child to encourage them. In the same way I smile at their attempts to discuss current events or praise their achievements. It’s part of nurturing the next generation. I don’t think adult men need that do they?

I have various charities that I support. They mean a lot to me. I've looked into them carefully and am satisfied that the money I give is used in a way I am happy with. If I had any extra money, I would give to one of them.

I have no interest in giving to a charity that I know very little about and is less of a priority for me than the ones I support. I think it's good that we all prefer different causes and support those that mean something to each one of us. But just because it means a lot to you, doesn't mean that it's something I would prioritise.

Any gifts I do make to charity I give direct to the charity, not via someone else, who may, or may not, be using an organisation that helps itself ('for costs') to some of the gift on its way to the charity.

And I certainly don't wish to give money to people for doing some hobby or challenge. I think most, quite likely all, people do that because they want to and then add the charity to make themselves feel more virtuous. After all, if supporting the charity is their aim, why not just give the money direct? If you really want me to give to a charity that feels important to you, ask, explain why and I might make a donation to them direct.

See also the dreadful 'I couldn't be bothered/didn't feel like paying to send you a Christmas card this year. But because I want to feel like I'm nicer than that makes me appear, I shall make a donation to the charity of my choice, regardless of whether or not you would want to support it.' Send me a card or don't. Give to charity or don't. No need for an announcement.

TL:DR. Give to charity or not. Your choice. The performative bit is unneccesary.

Edit: to replace a line that disappeared.

That's your particular circumstance.It's not always the case.

And yes you and your friends trust each other, but this isn't all about close friends. It's about asking a much wider circle of acquaintances to sponsor you. Not your best mates.

So if your point is "me and my best friends always sponsor each other, and give the money directly to the charity, no questions asked" then the reason you do it no questions asked is because all the questions are already answered. That isn't the case in other scenarios.

You donate on the Cancer Research website so how could anyone keep the money?

And of course my friends and I trust each, why on earth would we be friends if we didn't? Genuinely can't imagine having a friendship with someone who's trust was questionable.

Disney don't think we are all fools. Disney turns over 91 billion dollars a year because they know there are enough fools in the world to sustain it.

I think it's ok to be surprised / offended / put out that people won't reciprocate when you have responded favourably to their requests. Don't ask for sponsorship if you won't reciprocate!

I wish people wouldn't be so glib about rare diseases.

Sometimes having family and friend fundraise and try to raise awareness is the only way this particular condition gets a look in.

There are no support groups, no charities, no network for some of the rarer diseases.

Please don't be so dismissive.

If they know how important the charity is to you, it's not exactly no questions asked, is it?

Would you give them £10 "no questions asked" and be happy when you found out they were keeping half for themselves for their efforts and giving the other half to the BNP? Or would you think that's a question you ought to ask?

If your answer is "We're a close group of friends and trust each other" then fine, but that's not really the point here. The point here is that you ask questions when that's not the case.

No it's not, if someone sponsor's your children but you don't sponsor them back just because they're obviously adults I think that's unreasonable.

This one annoys me too! There always seems to be a local dance /cheer /gymnastics group raising money for this. Disney must think we are all fools.

Thankfully my daughter's dance school has more sense

Urgh a "friend" is currently trying to raise money to send her kids hobby class to Disney so they can perform on stage or something. Hobby she pays £3k plus in fees a year! Yeah fuck off I'm not paying for you to go on holiday. If it's that important you pay for your own kid.

I think there is so much shit like my example above going round, people get a bit fed up of donating and just tend to ignore the sponsor me texts / Facebook posts.

I tend to sponsor kids to do things but not adults. I think it’s unusual to be offended that you ask for money and someone says “no”.

You really are a piece of work aren't you? And you wonder why your 'friends' don't want to give anything? The more you post, the more I can see why!
And your whole 'well I gave to them, so THEY should give to meeeeeeeeeeee' attitude is bizarre and unpleasant. You don't give to receive, and life is not transactional. What a miserable, tedious life that would be if we all only did things for people, with the agreement that they do something for us in return.
Have you got a little notebook where you keep all the information, and lists of everything you have done for people and everything they do for you (or don't do,) and a little checklist to make sure they all do something in return? What if they don't comply? Do they get a big black cross next to their name (whilst the ones who do comply get a gold star?) Do the non-compliers get unfriended on Facebook? Do you block them on your phone? What? Just curious.

Wow, this is a pretty horrible response! OP states plenty of friends have had their kids sponsored but when she's asked them to reciprocate there's been silence - I agree, that is unreasonable of them.

But the pile-on OP is getting is ignoring the point of the AIBU and instead making personal attacks on OP. No wonder OP is getting snippy in response.

I can't believe the grief you're getting!! In our friendship group we would absolutely sponsor each other, no questioned asked. I do a cancer research walk every year and my friends continue to sponsor me as they know how important the charity is to me.

To be fair it's only been called into question because you've not said what it is.

Some of them are unworthy. I know you've now said that he's covering all his own costs, but that took a while, and you still (I don't think, I may have missed it) haven't said what the actual challenge is so people are quite within their rights to say that they might not think it's worthy if they do find out.

If it is the London Marathon, then I personally don't think that's a problem if, as you say, he is covering his own entry fees and costs and all money raised is going to charity. Despite a few people saying "this is always the case", it certainly isn't.