Friends not sponsoring dh

When you sponsor as much as you can, do you find out first how much of your money is going to the charity and how much covering the event costs for the person asking, or do you just assume it always goes to the charity, or indeed, not care?

I can't see anyone having a problem with a bake sale; presumably all money paid on the day goes straight to the centre, and people have provided ingredients and time at their own cost. Very little to object to.

Why do rare diseases make you laugh? They can be life ending, life altering, disabling, painful, scary, isolating...

That sounds totally fine. I'd come and buy a cake or two.

You realise that rare disease you are mocking might be genuinely devastating?

Lots of rare diseases are devastating, or life limiting, or profoundly disabling. They are just as terrible and horrible as cancer but more so because people think they are something to joke about, or dismiss, or ignore, or not donate to. So you don't even have hope, or care packages, or respite care, or sympathy. It's lonely and crap having a rare disease or caring for someone with a rare disease.

They don't have the big fundraising juggernauts like Macmillan behind them but they can be just as likely, if not more so, to involve debilitating treatments, or a devastating prognosis. And even when they are just low level you don't have the same support or understanding or empathy that you would get from a condition someone had heard of.

Charities for rare diseases will almost certainly have much less bureaucracy and cost wastage than a large cancer charity and their recipients are just as deserving of care and support

I think joking about rare conditions is deeply unpleasant and ignorant

Bravo - exactly - breathtakingly entitled

It's posters on Mumsnet, who generally hate most things. Plenty of people have no issues supporting a charity venture.

I sponsor as much as I can and like the OP I find it a bit disappointing when people I've supported don't support me in return. I guess that you just learn who to donate to in future.

Give your husband's event a push about A week before he does it and you'll get a better response. I often don't sponsor until the actual event because I'm short of cash. Good luck to him and to all fundraisers!

I think I get it now.

A marathon or skydive is a no because it’s something that has fees and the person wants to do anyway, but something like a charity bake sale would maybe be okay? When people could choose to attend or not and the money clearly goes directly to the charity? so just post the link to the charity / bake sale time?

Please do correct me if I’m wrong! I want to do it correctly.

YABU

There are so many things doing the rounds that you can’t expect everyone to sponsor him.

Having said that other than for a very close family member I wouldn’t be sponsoring children doing walks round the playground etc. I never asked anyone to sponsor my kids for that kind of dross either. I just put in £20 myself

You have had a hard time on here @Primmyhill from many - including me - and I'm sorry for being a bit rude to you (and a bit harsh.) I think people have just found it jarring, because they have been ambushed and cornered so many times by so many people to give money, and donate to their DH or DC's sponsored 'thing,' and have had enough of being ambushed by chuggers and beggars in the streets, on the exits of shops and stores, at their own door, and at 1 in 3 checkouts they pay at.

So I think it's just jarred people. That's why people have piled on.

No hard feelings. I hope your DH manages to get some support, but I think many of your pals just feel like many on this thread. And as has been said, some people do just try to raise money to pay for something they want to do/dream of doing, and much of the money goes to paying for said activity, and not much goes to the charity.

To be honest if I didn't trust the person sufficiently not to be lying about that if they just said it, I wouldn't be giving anyway.

Not wanting to sponsor doesn't mean not wanting to give to charity.

Sponsorship usually involves paying an admin fee before anything else goes to the charity.

Better to give direct to your chosen cause and dump the middle man.

You don't tend to find many consultants or chief financial officers removing invasive plant species from downland or dragging fifty beer cans and half a burnt out Nissan from a wildlife pond, in my experience.

Ten a penny at the start line for a race, though.

I agree with your first part you can't expect people to reciprocate.

But realising your community won't support you when you reach out is sad, and I think the OP has a 'right to moan' about that. She is at least not saying it to people's faces, she is getting this sadness off her chest in an anonymous forum which seems like a decent way to deal with the hurt feelings.

I think charities could provide 'proof of entry payment' to the person doing whatever it is, that could really help.

@Terribletwoss - I empathise.

We decided to go for Christmas presents. We asked everyone who would normally buy us something for Christmas to make a donation to the charity that helped our child instead. We didn't want to know whether they did or how much, that was their private business. After the charity did so much for us it was the least we could do - we obviously gave as much we could afford as well.

I know in some cases they are, and in some cases they are not. That's kind of the whole point. If they are, they might as well just provide a direct link to the chairty of course.
Just Giving, I believe, sends money to whoever the person has set up the Just Giving page wants it sent to. The vast majority are not registered charities.

Yabu

You mention it's for a local person with MND and friends in common.

Maybe these friends have already donated to the cause through coffee mornings, raffles, disco etc and as such feel they have donated to the cause.

I think what he's doing is relevant.

A friend wanted sponsorship to do a parachute jump. It was something he wanted to do and apparently our sponsorship was partly to pay for his jump. As the whole thing was in fact just a bit of a jolly to him I didn't reply to the request. Frankly he was taking the piss.

Do people know your husband has funded the activity himself? Is it something that could be perceived as something he just fancies doing but is being disguised as being for charity not just for fun?

If you were my friend, I'd know about your children and you could just ask - I would happily put in some money.

I think what many posters (including myself) don't like is the expectation that people will fall over themselves to pay for someone to do whatever it is that they're wanting to do. The cost of that should be borne by the person themselves and maybe the charities could send proof of 'fully funded by person'. I would be quite willing to pay a donation to the charity then because they'd get the money directly.

It is breathtakingly entitled for charity-wanna-doos to demand funding for something they are not prepared to pay for themselves and i think that is what people are objecting to.

"Raise more than they cost" is a very low bar.

What makes you think they aren’t paying their own entry/participation costs?

If the fundraiser is through Just Giving it goes directly to the charity.

The admission costs etc would be paid entirely separately by the participant.

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