Friends not sponsoring dh

Also don’t donate to people I don’t like! Colleagues etc… who I may not be very fond of. Problem is- LOADS of people do this stuff now.

Spends for me, I’m not funding anyone’s adventures but I do donate to fundraising that’s not some stupid like not drinking for a month or running a mile!
I also don’t donate to people I know very well - so I would for a friend but perhaps not for their DP who I barely know.

I get the impression that you (op) are asking your(singular) friends, rather that he is asking his or your (joint) friends.

I'd be far more inclined to sponsor someone I knew and asked me themselves than someone whose side asked me and I didn't know.

On the whole for adults it has to be a close friend and something I want to support, because at one point I was having several requests a month. Request for husband I didn't really know would be way down the list.
If I was doing something sponsored I'd never expect dh to ask his work friends, just as when he was doing something for sponsorship I didn't ask my friends. A couple of close friends I talked about what they were doing, one may have chosen to give something, but I would not have expected it.

Always depends on the charity for me. I prefer to sponsor for smaller local causes such as our hospice, or the local wildlife rescue. Too many of the "big" charities siphon off too much for the bigwigs.

I agree though, if people are quick to ask for their kids, they should be prepared to return the favour for someone else.

@Primmyhill so frustrating isn’t it, just how much misinformation there is about marathon fundraising. Alllllll funds go to the charity. The runner covers all the costs of the actual marathon ‘ticket’ themselves just the same as if they’d entered the lottery. Pays for the accommodation and travel.
I fundraised for a marathon once for a charity very close to my heart and never again. I was in the same position as your dh, I paid half of the fundraising target myself and did various fundraising activities / posted links etc. I was surprised by some people who didn’t sponsor even £5 when I had previously sponsored for their projects, supported their businesses, sponsored their children and tbh I have pulled away from those people.
Best of luck to your husband ❤️

I would assume he’s running the London Marathon! I wonder if your friends see the donation page and think that they’ll sponsor him nearer the time. That is what I do!

Have you even asked the ‘friend’ if they are happy for this to be done in their name? Are they comfortable with this? As I wouldn’t want this at all if I had MND.

Assuming you have checked, why are so horrified that no one is interested in your dh’s mid life crisis? Because that is what it is.

If your dh wants to support his friend, he can donate himself without involving a whole publicised event. He can spend time listening to his friend quietly, drive him to the hospital, organise the odd supper or day out if he is up to it.

A ‘look at me charity’ event feels exploitative annd attention seeking, thats why no one has responded.

More to the point it will do precisely nothing to support the actual person going through this ghastly process. Do you not think your dhs time could be better spent actually supporting his friend? Rather than grandstanding in his Lycra.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. It’s a very worthy cause and you’ve sponsored little Jonny and friends many times in the past despite probably not being interested in getting a play house/vegetable patch/basket ball net built in the playground! I think it’s rude of your friends not to reciprocate and I would make a point of not sponsoring them or their kids again. Stick to your own charities of choice. I bet they were the types to badger people until they felt obliged to sponsor as well 🙄

Seems PM is off at the moment.
But I usually give something - can't believe all this pearl clutching at giving a fiver!

I think people have fundraising fatigue. It never used to be a thing beyond supporting your kid's sponsored silence at school, but now fundraising is an industry in itself and it can feel exploitative and manipulative at times. I have to agree with others that lots of the adult endeavours do feel like we're paying someone to do their hobby. In fact, in the case of the London Marathon it's true: you can't get a place unless you're doing it to support a charity.

I have a DD set up for one charity and I'll give directly to others if it's a cause I truly believe in. But funding someone's walk along the Camino de Santiago? No chance.

So when you asked AIBU you didn’t really want to hear what people think, you wanted them to tell you what you wanted to hear. Noted.

This!

If you PM me details I'll give him a tenner

I’d tell him also to send his own emails

It always seems to be a man of a certain age, springing around in Lycra and having paid no attention whatsoever to charity, suffering or serious illness in their whole life, have decided to take on a ‘challenge’ of God’s work (mainly for their own benefit to suit their hobby) and they attach a loose acquaintance who has probably not been asked, to the ‘project’ to give their sponsorship a boost, and it’s really all about them and their ego and not about the charity at all. And everyone knows it, can see it, and wants nothing to do with it.

It’s a classic stereotype that is extremely prevalent in the lower middle classes of a certain age. A bit bored, unfit and in need of an ego boost and attention. It will be heavily publicised on SM throughout. It’s embarrassing.

I think it's a bit tight not to sponsor adults. It's not like it's a sponsored Carribean cruise. If it's for cancer reasearch or another worthwhile cause, what is a couple of pounds if u would put the same ina collection box?

Sponsoring people has been done to death, no one does it anymore. As it annoys everyone. I’m not sure why you are so out of step with the general consensus op.

I haven’t been asked to ‘sponsor ’ anyone for years, and even if it happened now it would be a day too soon.

I contribute to and choose my own charities that are important to me, and I don’t want to get involved with other people’s ‘Goals’ and such like. That is for them to pay for. I wouldn’t mention it to anyone again, and would quietly withdraw it.

It's a bit mean of them to not support him tbh, but then you've learnt something about them all. Are they otherwise stingy or is it just that they don't want to sponsor anyone? I do understand the objections if its a foreign holiday essentially but this doesn't sound like that.

How close were ye to the person with MND
Did your husband ask the family if it was ok to use their name to fundraise?

The fact that nobody sponsored him makes me think he is overstepping.

This depends entirely what he is doing, and what the charity is. Your charity is fine, but I tend to support more local charities that can't essentially be accused of being a racket.

For example, I would always sponsor a friend or colleague (who is a non-runner) and decides to do a marathon. I've done one as a non-runner, and the commitment and training are very hard.

If it's a Tough Mudder or similar, then I'll begrudgingly "like" the inevitable stream of "look at meeee!!!" photos, but don't expect me to get my wallet out.

But yeah, generally not sponsoring kids for non-events either.