Friends not sponsoring dh

Is it the charity that's putting them off? We sponsor that which we support and are very open about not just sponsoring friends / their causes / their endeavours, unless they are charities we support.

@Primmyhill you say

'And for those saying maybe they already give to that charity/are doing their own bit, they really aren’t. I would know about it.'

How exactly would you know? I've just given a fairly large donation to a charity I support. No one knows except me and a trustee. That's how it should be. Giving to charity isn't meant to be performative.

I support charities that I choose. I don't need an adult virtue signalling and guilt tripping me into sponsoring them to support one of their chosen charities. He could just have sent the entry fee straight to the charity and added his own generous contribution. These organised events cost a vast amount to run, skip the middle man and send direct! But of course it's fun to take part in these things, and that's fine. He should go ahead but can't expect people to sponsor him if their charitable budget has gone to charities they are more aligned with. Sponsoring kids is very different, they don't have their own money unlike an adult, and it's a good lesson in working hard and being selfless/ charitable.

For years I sponsored people for all kinds of jollies — marathons in Namibia (with a ten-day wraparound holiday), polar-bear counting in the Arctic (Arctic cruise and trek), helping build/maintain schools in Costa Rica/ Guatemala/ South Africa (three-week holidays with four or five days of work involved) on the basis that it was for charity. Then the penny dropped and I realised that less than half what I gave went to the charity. I guess the penny's dropped for your friends, too, OP. If you're well off why isn't your DH just giving a couple of grand to MND rather than virtue-signalling and getting his friends to pay for a trip?

I hope someone has a word with Kevin Sinfield and tells him to stop 'grandstanding in Lycra' and using Rob Burrow's name to make himself feel good. After all, I'm sure the various MND charities don't need the £15m or so that he's raised so far with his running challenges 🙄

@housethatbuiltme

Yeah, no I would ignore a sponsored thing, really tacky to contact people. Is it a 'middle class' thing because here in the 'poorer classes' we are taught from a very young age not to beg.

That's interesting - growing up in a working class family, we were only ever allowed to ask family for sponsorship for all the school stuff, never friends or neighbours.

That did also make it more difficult to join in with the 'look how much I've raised' crowd.

No one should be asking for sponsorship using school as the gateway.

Just stop sponsoring other people. That is what I did. I used to sponsor all my friends DC and family DC etc, then when DD did something a few years ago, only 1 person sponsored her, so I stopped sponsoring anyone at that point.

I don't mind sponsoring adults doing things, and I've done a couple of events that have required me to ask for sponsorship so I know how awkward it is asking too.

I have a loose rule that I'll sponsor one person per month and generally I give about £10-£20 depending on the charity ( more if I support it and like it and less if I don't ) and the difficulty of the event. If its a close friend, niece/ nephew /sibling I'm probably more generous.

I often get more than one request a month ( marathon season etc) and I then don't feel guilty not contributing.... and I also sometimes explain to people I'm not sponsoring this for reason but I wish them well for their event.

I really like it when people show they are trying hard with sponsorship and make some effort themselves such as raffles, quizes, cake sales, curry nights, litter pick ups, car washing, vinted wardrobe clearouts, car boot sales etc. This makes it more likely I will support and sponsor them!

I have another rule,,, it someone I sponsor doesn't thank me by messenger, email or in person I will never sponsor them again. Rude! It happens alot!

Oh Wow OP, what a pile on! You are probably unreasonable to expect people to sponsor your DH, but you are not unreasonable to be disappointed that your friends haven't (especially as they are friends of your and the person with MND and you sponsor them!). Personally i hate sponsorship requests but always sponsor my friends (because they are my friends and we support each other!)
Don't let the irritation of their behavior stop you being the kind generous person you have been so far.

I only sponsor DC. I give to charity on a regular basis but I prefer to choose the ones I support.

Ehh? 🙄

The most charitable people I know say nothing about their huge donations, because they are coming from a place of true altruism, and it’s not something to fill up their SM feed for a bit.

DH paying his own event costs still doesn't justify it. He could have donated every penny of those costs directly to the charity instead, and send out an email to his family, friends, and colleagues saying 'I've decided to support X charity, for Y reasons, please can you check them out, and consider donating your time or money too.'

Same effect, greater income for the charity, but no vanity event for DH (nor wife work for you).

You and DH can also leave a bequest in your wills, and encourage anyone you might be inheriting from to give to the charity instead of you. Or are you and he not that generous after all?

Dh has had his Lycra cladded buttocks handed to him on here,
and hasn’t enjoyed the experience -
maybe his humility towards ‘lardy couch potatoes’ only there to donate to his latest wheeze will blossom from this discussion, as it finally dawns on him that the predicted fawning and donating might not materialise after all, and he can at least salvage his dignity by not thrusting out the begging bowl for the third time - unless he enjoys being a dick.

Sincerely op, I hope it goes well and if you are floundering get the dog, cat, pet rabbit, hamster and the nice old lady next door to kick start things maybe…

I admire your confidence!

I don't think I could do that in real life - couldn't manage the awkwardness!!

I agree that most people would suck it up and donate for friends…
but given the way OP is talking about them I doubt very much whether these people are actually friends. I don’t think they even like each other.

I think you just have to let it go and accept that some people will sponsor whilst others won't. People sometimes have the perception of being bombarded with sponsorship requests, whether or not that's true. It's not worth turning it into any sort of battleground. Hope your husband's challenge goes well.

Have you made it clear to people that he is paying for his own place?
I would always sponsor friends who have paid in themselves but not if they're using it for a free experience.
Unfortunately, when I ask, most people use the donations to cover their own place before the charity gets anything. So then it's a firm no.

I'm sure MN is a parallel universe to the one that I live in.

OP, I can see your point of view. You happily sponsor little Tarquin and Josephine but their parents aren't sponsoring your DH for a good cause. I'd be miffed as well.

Oh and the false claims and guesswork regarding your DH in here is laughable!
Well done to your DH for trying to raise some money for a great cause

I did a charity challenge years ago. I had also sponsored people in the past, and thought the raising money element would be relatively straight forwards. It was the most stressful part of the whole thing! The training and the event were nothing compared to the challenge of trying to get enough money to make the minimum target (I had paid for my place, but then there is another minimum of what they think you should raise).

I'd never do another one, it was an awful experience.

How would you know? Are you treasurer for the charity? Plus presumably there’s more than one charity raising money for that condition?

I donate money to charity directly every month but I don’t say a word about it to anyone irl

Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure your DH has very admirable intentions, but I think you are making a lot of angry assumptions about these people that could be totally unjustified.

I will often donate to fund raising activities carried out by friends, just a small one off amount. I never sponsor anyone. Too open ended.

Depends what he's doing.

If he's trekking the length of Africa, then fair play, I'll drop him a couple of quid. But if he's doing the local 10K, then get lost.

TBH, sponsorships are for kids unless it's something super-extreme and/or dangerous and/or takes more than a day or two.