Friends not sponsoring dh

I had an argument with my DS about this. He had done a sponsored activity for a fundraiser (we had paid for all his costs involved in doing the actual thing) and then he wanted to do another one. I said I wouldn't support it, as it would be all the same people giving money basically just to be nice to him. I told him that if he needed more money, he should do something useful for people (car washing, giving people lifts back from the pub, gardening etc.) He just didn't get it at all and insisted that the best thing was getting people to sponsor him for doing a bike ride, climbing a mountain etc. In the end he very reluctantly went along with my idea.

I don't do sponsored stuff at work anymore. In my first couple of years I sponsored all the kids "hop on one leg all day", sponsored silences etc. (even though my colleagues came in and laughed about how the kids hadn't actually done any of it properly anyway). But then every 6 months those colleagues would make a beeline for me for the next school sponsored event and it just got out of hand. So I don't even sponsor kids anymore, unless they're family or very close friends.

I'd sponsor an adult doing something really impressive, but not a work colleague or their spouse, as it just makes you seem like a cash cow to them and they'll never leave you alone afterwards.

Oh, look how much 'I' raised for X!" It gives false praise to someone else for my money going to the charity, and some people tend to wear it like some badge of 'look how great i am' forevermore,

This can’t be a real thought process in someone’s actual head.

You sponsor a child £10 for a silence to raise money for school gym equipment: £10 goes on school gym equipment.

You sponsor somebody's husband £10 for the London Marathon to raise money for the RNLI : £10 is split between the Marathon, charity staff, advertising etc etc. It's a terrible use of money.

This is what I do, sponsor her myself job done 😂.

As for adults, I will sponsor in situations where it's an actual challenge, like my step-dad did a huge walk to raise money for a hospice that cared for his recently passed mum. Step dad is the least fit person I've ever met so it was a genuine challenge for him.

But otherwise no and it makes me cringe.

I think people are just trying to offer explanations because you asked for the reasons not to donate, not for ideas that would encourage donation, but it's coming across as criticism.

One angle you might not have considered is if there is already a strong fundraising arm for the person with MND in the same community. There was a very ill child and my kids school and lots of fundraising ideas flying about, but most linked to the same fundraising place. By the time I was asked for the third or fourth sponsorship for the same cause, I didn't consider donating as I'd already done so.

I used to donate a set amount to charity every Christmas. After I started getting lots of sponsorship requests, I switched to doing those instead. It is better than just donating to charity as it makes my friends happy as well. I wouldn’t always choose their charities but it is important to them, so I don’t mind.

For me atleast, i'd rather donate direct to the charity, than through a third party who then get the credit of "Oh, look how much 'I' raised for X!" It gives false praise to someone else for my money going to the charity, and some people tend to wear it like some badge of 'look how great i am' forevermore, which gets annoying fast.
As has already been pointed out, such sponsored events with adults tend to be events they want to do anyway, like runners doing a marathon, jumping out of a plane when its something you've always wanted to do etc, so it's not like they're putting themself out doing something awful for the good of the charity.

The fact pages like just giving etc take a percentage of the raised funds is also a reason why I'd never donate through such a page, I'd much rather an old fashioned the money collected in person then given to the charity direct so they get every penny.

As you say someone in your community has recently been affected by this, could it be the people you're sending this link to has already donated quietly themselves?
Either way, sending the link once is enough, to have sent it a second time imo is actually really cheeky, if they wanted to donate they would have done the first time you sent the link. Sending again is like shaking a tin in their face like, "I see you didn't donate, come on, don't be stingy!" Maybe one or two might have intended to donate later if they didn't have the funds at the time, but that your second share has gone without a donation clearly they just don't want to.

That's not what @Stravaig said. Read the post properly and then answer it! They said they can write this charity into their wills if they care THAT much, they didn't say 'why don't you die and leave all your money to charity' FFS! 😂

Yes OP, what you and DH ought to do is die and leave all your money to the charity. Right now. 😆🙄

FGS you are so stubborn and awkward @Primmyhill and absolutely NOT admitting you may be wrong, or even attempting to understand why some people feel like they do.

I explained why I believe the people around you are reluctant to give, on a post last night which you can't have seen as you didn't respond - so I will post it again (some of it.) From my post last night...

I think people find it jarring, (you asking for sponsor money) because they have been ambushed and cornered so many times by so many people to give money, and donate to their DH or DC's sponsored 'thing,' and have had enough of being ambushed by chuggers and beggars in the streets, on the exits of shops and stores, at their own door, and at 1 in 3 checkouts they pay at. So I think it's just jarred people. That's why people have piled on.

I did say I felt bad for you having such a pile on, and I apologised too, for being a bit harsh on you on a couple of my posts before, but I withdraw that apology after you posted THIS nasty post earlier.

@Primmyhill 7.52 today

No mid life crisis involved. Why is it always described as this. Just because your OH is probably a lardy couch potato past his prime, slightly jealous are we?

You really are a piece of work aren't you? And you wonder why your 'friends' don't want to give anything? The more you post, the more I can see why!

And your whole 'well I gave to them, so THEY should give to meeeeeeeeeeee' attitude is bizarre and unpleasant. You don't give to receive, and life is not transactional. What a miserable, tedious life that would be if we all only did things for people, with the agreement that they do something for us in return.

Have you got a little notebook where you keep all the information, and lists of everything you have done for people and everything they do for you (or don't do,) and a little checklist to make sure they all do something in return? What if they don't comply? Do they get a big black cross next to their name (whilst the ones who do comply get a gold star?) Do the non-compliers get unfriended on Facebook? Do you block them on your phone? What? Just curious.

I hate asking for sponsorship. We used to fake the kids’ forms and write pretend names and just give the whole
lot ourselves.

I will however sponsor close
friends and family. None of them seem to do the OTT ones though. I have recently
sponsored a lovely acquaintance who is doing something q tough in the UK. It is for a charity that provided support when her young adult child was unwell and then died. There is no way I would refuse that one.

I dont sponsor anyone.
I did once a little boy about 5 or 6.
He was doing a sponsored bike ride at school i gave him £3.
Every one that sponsored him he gave them a home made cupcake he made.
He was so sweet going door to door with his paper form and a tray of cake.
He was very polite and done it all by him self dont see that anymore.
It was way back in the day.
It was the only time i have ever sponsored anyone.

After one month of spending 25% of my low income on sponsorships and charity donations I’ve stopped sponsoring pretty much anyone. I did a couple of sponsored events and only ever had 2 family members sponsor me so I never do sponsored activities now.

Erm Mcdonalds owns Ronald Mcdonald house, hospices for very sick children of course they ask for donations for them.

Do people seriously scrounge money off others for temporarily not doing an optional thing? That's pathetic, I wouldn't be able to stop myself bursting out laughing if someone tried scrounging off me.

'pay me to not eat melon for starters for one week'
'give me money to not drive along the A3 on Wednesdays'

People should just be left to donate to charities they choose to. No sponsoring nonsense.

MN is always off about money. I’ve never encountered such a money obsessed bunch* either in real life or online.

NAMNALT

'And for those saying maybe they already give to that charity/are doing their own bit, they really aren’t. I would know about it.'

I give £50 a month to three charities. Plan International, a women's DV charity and a hospice. Have done for years 30+ years. All via standing order. I don't think even my partner of 20+ years knows I give each month. I rarely mention it to anyone. Occasionally someone visiting might notice annual report or a letter or something the charities have sent me and comment, but other than that no one would know. Which is how charity is supposed to be. Not virtue-signalling for Likes.

I agree with @80smonster too - next time you're asked, just say you're maxed out giving to DH's charity event.

@Primmyhill If you've been hit up numerous times over the years for contributions to similar sorts of charity challenges like your DH is doing it would be reasonable to hope this same population of people that asked your family would do the same for you.

However - people often don't, it's sad/annoying but true.

Depends on the challenge. If it is something like a parachute jump or a mountain trek request for sponsorship feels a bit like ‘pay for me to do this adventure holiday’ - even marathon charity places feel a little like ‘pay for my marathon place’ unless you have a genuine connection to the charity (like someone in your family has a rare illness), or you have some kind of physical barrier you are overcoming, such as running after a cancer treatment. Likely your friends find the request a bit cheeky. Times are also tough. You can’t spend other people’s money.

I carnt afford to sponsor anyone or give money to charity. Keeping food in my kids bellys is my priority. Sorry not sorry.

@Primmyhill sorry I really couldn't read the full thread. But I wanted to suggest you look at the sponsorship 'platform'. I sponsor most of my friends/ family who do these things. I click the link and it's all done in under a minute. I feel bad a cousin of mine recently done a pretty huge challenge one and I went through the link a few times but it was a PITA and I'd be feeding the baby or something and I'd think I'll do it later..... I did not do it later.