Due to give birth tomorrow and dp has said ...

@SeeHistory - totally agree with you there. Talk about missing the point!

Crikey that sounds soooo annoying. Stay strong OP!!

Tell him he needs to get back into paid reliable work ASAP, or you're done. He's had a go at working for himself and he clearly isn't any good at it. Would your parents be supportive if you told them? Maybe they could lend you some money in the meantime or his parents could do. Longer term, is this the kind of man you want to be with? He's not looking like much of a role model for your kids

What kind of person responds like this, to an OP in this position?? Do you feel big and clever now?

you need to just focus on yourself and your children for the next week. You can’t do anything to fix this situation while recovering from surgery with a newborn. You are not responsible for making him feel better about things.

while your parents are staying with you, tell them everything. It may be embarrassing, but you need help. Hopefully they can help you brainstorm some
practical solutions to get through the first few weeks.

Unless you live with his parents, you can ask them to leave if they start treating you poorly.

OMG op I feel awful for you that instead of supporting you and the new baby, he has done the opposite and is causing you all this stress the day before a c-section. His behaviour is so juvenile and irresponsible. It is making me very angry on your behalf.

I suppose it might be just about forgiveable if it was all a well intentioned cock up. Or a youthful over estimation of capabilities. But this update basically explains it all doesn’t it? He’s never been held to account or been made to take responsibility for anything so it’s unlikely he will change, How very dare his parents get involved in your marital disagreements. They sound as unwise as he is.

Wishing you all the luck in the world for tomorrow 💐. I hope you can put all of these troubles to one side for a few days. Have a great birth Op and stuff them all for a day or two! I wouldn’t even let them in the room!

Seems like the prodigal son can do no wrong if that's the case any upset he'll go running to mummy and daddy for validation and you're the bad one... bugger that.

This in bucket loads

He is really just incompetent. He doesn’t know hoe to manage money, time, his bills, his own work, his customers, or his business. He seems to have literally o idea of the basics of performing the job he has committed to. And he is too stupid and sulky to fix this mess. If he is any older than 11 this does not bode well.

Ditch him as soon as you can, he's a noose around you neck,

FluffyDashhound · Yesterday 20:28

Maybe short term poverty long term riches. Shit at min but try to be supportive

WTF? Try to be supportive??? Did you miss the bit where OP is about to give birth AND has a young DC at home AND they have no money, all because of feckless 'D'H who is now sulking???

So we have a self indulgent man child whose mummy and daddy enable him.How very attractive.

He should temporarily move back in with his parents while he gets his shit together which would be finishing his jobs off then finding a stable job with a stable income and sticking with it.

In the meantime you should claim every penny you can financially as a single mum to protect yourself and your children.

He can help with his children without living with you.If he's willing to work on improving his situation and providing for his family then he can move back in at some point

@Onedayaway He started falling behind on this job, issues arise, money goes scarce. Now he is in a situation where he genuinely can not afford to finish the job (think labour based) as he needs more materials/tools. The client doesn't know this and is wondering why the job isn't getting done

As a saving grace dp managed to secure another job in the meantime which was meant to save us and fill his pockets to complete this job, however now he has just told me that actually most of this money is going towards outstanding invoices/loans he has, meaning effectively the money is out before it comes in!

It sounds like he isn't billing correctly. If he had no back up cash he should have his contract structured to pay for materials up front and then progress payments for his labour. Then he wouldn't be in this predicament.

Getting a second client and using their money to finish his existing job just isn't on. It sounds like he's trading whilst insolvent and will end up in a much larger mess as he won't be able to keep using someone else's cash to cover himself.

He needs to be proactive with his business and communicate with his client. If he continues his head in the sand, non communication then his business will be dead after client #2. Word of mouth is so important for trades people / labour based jobs. Delays, not getting responses etc get you a bad reputation.

Get him to hire the tools needed get the job finished then get a paying job until your both more financially stable

I’m really sorry for you this is shite timing. My ex was exactly like this. I ended up kicking him out 3 months after my 2nd C Section. I gave up a good job in banking. He was a window fitter and earned good money but was useless at organising himself and had no urgency to earn money. He drove me mad. In the end I knew I was better on my own. 16?years on he’s still sofa surfing, earning when he needs a few beers. Basically just drifting through life. Your husband needs a reality check a good talking too. If he won’t go out and earn money or sort things out instead of sulking I’d say call it a day. Good luck with your birth and the baby

I suggest asking him to move out until he can prove he has a stable income to move back in. If he moves back with his parents then perhaps they will see the issue. Their enabling attitude is very telling.

Apply for universal credit, there will be a wait but you will have a small income.

I can't imagine dealing with all this and a newborn. So sorry op.

I had a "d"h like this. Self employed but when he did have regular jobs he was always underperforming. Got made redundant during Covid but tbh I think they just wanted any excuse to let him go. We are now divorced and my career has progressed well despite being the main parent to 2 kids. He's on benefits...

what a horrific mess and he’s obviously been putting his head in the sand.

are you sure he wasn’t asked to leave him previous role. As it’s such a bizarre thing to do when you’re pregnant?
is it possible he can go back to work and focus on personal stuff over the evenings and weekends.

I’m think the idea of him having paternity leave was pie in the sky anyway with a new small business. It’s unrealistic and he should’ve been honest about it.

Can you stay with your DP for a month to help your recuperate? I think he is going to have to get full time job but you may also end having to go back early and full time.

ypu also need him to be open about what’s owed and he is liable for financially.

Totally not the point but it's "Lo and behold" not lone behold...

He's living in a dreamworld
I really feel for you. You need to feel you can rely on him practically and emotionally when you have other DC and a newborn
Tell him to register with an agency and take the first job available for now
He can build up his business around that job
Wishing you a safe delivery of your beautiful baby

I'd beg my parents to stay another week or at least one of them. I'd ask the man child who silks to leave because instead of supporting you he's stressing you out and dragging his family into debt. You have to be super organised to be self employed and your partner clearly has no idea how to run a business. I'd give him one last chance to get a PAYE job or lose his family.

Are you off your trolley?

The OP has NO MONEY!! If she had savings she probably wouldn't be posting and so worried.

Sorry OP, that you're going through this.

You can't do anything now. It's difficult, but try to put a pin in it for now, as you need to focus on yourself and your baby. Whatever happens with your twat husband, you and your baby need rest and calm. There is nothing you can do at this moment in time.

FWIW, I had similar (although admittedly not as bad) with my 2nd baby - my OH had a business that he insisted on being secretive about, which ended up being a failure. He was then in and out of paid work whilst I was expecting, then on maternity leave. So I can empathise a bit. I remember feeling so, so let down and despairing. We did almost break up. I spent a lot of time at my parents, and was lucky that I had their support. I'm reading in your posts you don't have an option of moving out, but I'd encourage you to lean on any support you do have, as much as possible. Even if it's just in the daytime, to get away from the stress of the situation.

My OH did everything he could to fix it - everything did improve after he got an adhd diagnosis and medication to help him concentrate and not get fired, but that's an aside. The main difference now, is that I'm bolshy AF when I need to be, and have zero tolerance on all this bullshit "Let me worry about it, I'll let you know if there's a problem", cloak and dagger / feeling like I "don't trust him" pity party stuff. I know he hates me essentially auditing him (I hate it too, it's stressful). But we know it's necessary, and better than having horrible problems crop up down the line, and potentially ending up breaking up.

It sounds like you have a good career skills, so will have options and choices further down the line. You might be able to forgive, and work together to get in a better situation, if he's willing to. Or you might break up. But I wouldn't make any big decisions now.

Really hope it all works out for you OP. It could well be fine in the end with your husband. Or you will be fine by yourself. Good luck with having your beautiful baby soon x

This.

He needs to go back to what he was doing. Clearly he couldn’t afford the self employed luxury he was hoping for. I understand that anyone starting a business takes a risk. But with a young family this didn’t seem the ideal time. He should have realised that. If he can work around an employed position and build it up that may be sensible.