Due to give birth tomorrow and dp has said ...

The problem you are having, OP, is a now and then problem: now you are suffering because your idiot partner is selfish, incompetent, improvident, impulsive, and ill natured. Your “then” problem is that he always will be this incompetent and his incompetence, like his debts, will compound and compound. He is robbing Peter to pay Paul. He uses money from a client to pay older debts, then frantically borrows from your relatives to stay afloat. Even if he ever finishes this big job and he gets psid for it he will never dig himself out of the hole financially. He will never pay you back for the wear and tear this has cost you. And I doubt if he will ever pay back the family loans. Because he seems completely unable to grasp how money is earned, saved, or invested. He lurches from one crisis to another as though he has no idea (and perhaps he doesn’t) that you and the babies need to eat, have housing, buy pads and diapers every day—why are you having to subsidize him?

Oh OP. Breathe deep. In time you’ll have the mental and physical resources to leave this idiot. For now please contact healthy start and let your HV know what the reality is. You have nothing to be ashamed of so you need to harness your anger to work for you. Foodbanks. Friends. People can rally around you even if it’s just to make you a cup of tea. I feel for you as I was in a similar situation many years ago. This too shall pass. Congratulations on your wee baby. X

Yup he took a risk and screwed the pooch. It will be grim grim girm, but it will pass even if it is rough for a year.

Have the baby and tough it out for 6 months. Then review and see what your options are.

I have just read your update, I’m sorry to hear it’s been so tough. You sound like you’re doing a great job in a really hard situation.
Please see the following link for a list of baby banks in the uk. There may be one near you. They can usually help with nappies, toiletries, baby clothes and equipment. It might just help ease the financial pressure a little bit
babybankalliance.org/baby-bank-map/

I think people have shared re food banks. Community shops (cheaper). Olio you can get free food. Tesco are now giving yellow stickers good free after 9.30.in some locations.

And the baby bank - for mums in need. My local one offers, pads. Milk. Equipment. Furniture etc. Do you have one local? Or a homestart?

Uc will issue food bank vouchers. Make the selfish swine apply.

Yes, I have not looked at the problems from this angle, I see your point.

Why are you wasting your Time with this waste of time!!!

Definitely worth checking, a lot of water companies have recently put even more into support for those struggling with low income. Local Citizens Advice would be a good shout

OP, I’ve just read your latest post. Congrats on your baby.

PLEASE reach out to a friend, neighbour or someone else. People are more willing to help than you think when a new baby is on the scene.

Please use healthy start:
https://www.healthystart.nhs.uk/how-to-apply/

Also look up your local mother and baby donation centres and local food bank - there’s no shame in it. It’s temporary help. They will give you supplies, pads, nappies, milk if you need it and food for the family. They will deliver discretely - if you let me know your general area you can PM me and ill give you local links and numbers.

You deserve better than this. You’re doing your best. Reach out for that help.

Congratulations on your new baby.
Sorry you've had such a tough time re ops etc and that you are currently going through such a struggle.
I didn't want to read and run, although I cannot think of more practical advice other than to transfer all the loans/credit etc to an account that he cannot touch so that yiou can pay the bills before he spends it, particularly if its a loan from your family.

It sounds like he needs to go back to the client and say how the job was under quoted and they need to put more funds in to finish it. He can't subsidise his client at the expense of feeding his children?

Another thought, Is it possible to contact a debt counsellor who might help you apply for temporary easement of loans etc...

Other than that, I think at the moment, difficult as it is, you need to take this one step, one day at a time, as you seem to be doing. You will heal, your baby will thrive and become less velcro and you will be in a position to make some changes in how things are done for the future. Get support wherever you can. Talk to health viz, friends and family, it won't always be this hard, although it may feel like it at times.
Wishing you all the very very best.

Get rid of this cretin as soon as possible. He's let you and your children down massively.

She hasn’t said she is without the support of her parents. They have lent them money, that is supportive, her mum was supposed to come and stay a week, but got ill and was in hospital. So they are supportive, but only so much they can do

the thing is she IS in a strong position. If he leaves she makes her own UC claim, and the money isnt going to going straight out again. She is already doing everything at home without him, so that isnt going to change but the money/security will change massively and that will help her so much. His debts and bills are his problem to sort then, not hers.

Also I really echo asking for a food bank referral. And there are often organisations such as church’s that do baby banks for those in need (clothes, baby supplies etc)

He should be ashamed of himself. What a selfish selfish man. Once you are more yourself have a think about how he deprioritised your needs when you really needed him.

So your partner has left his steady job to work for himself.
You are short of money to feed yourself and pay bills when you are due to have a CS.
Partner borrows money from his parents to keep the family ticking over and then spends it on his job.
You borrow money from your parents and he dips into that too for his job. Job still not completed.
He's also taken a loan out and spent that on this job yet its still not finished.
You've then go on to lend him money which he's spent on the job.
And finally he's used your universal credit advance payment to spend more on this job?

OP, How much has he spent on getting this job done now? Surely all of that comes to more than £1k? Have you seen how much he needs to finish the job? It feels like he's spent much more than £1k on this. He appears to be siphoning every penny he can get hold of onto this job and now you're contemplating going to a food bank to survive!!
Are you married?
Whose name is your house in?
Is he managing to pay any bills or buy any food?

Congratulations on your new baby.
I could cry reading your update, it’s so unfair leaving you to struggle like this.
Please talk to your HV or midwife, at least get access to a food bank, I know the one in my nearby town delivers.
If either SIL treated my DDs like this they’d be under the frigging patio.

Yes to this ^^

I don't know how, but UC must go into an account that only you can access for household costs.
He can't spend it on his.work costs, that's not what it's for. (I'd not normally think about that, but in your situation, it might be a useful thimg to say to him re bank account).

Definitely food banks. Can you also talk to your health visitor about what you can access?

I had a rough second C section OP where they had to remove an awful lot of scar tissue from the 1st and it was a rough recovery. You have my absolute sympathy. I think it was about 8 weeks in before I really felt remotely like myself again afterwards. I'm also sorry your DP is still ploughing along inside his own head.

What a fucking idiot fantasist he is, you poor thing. It’s such a weight being the only grown up facing the music.
He needs to take out a loan, finish those jobs and GET A JOB WITH A REGULAR INCOME ASAP. No more start up or sole contracting. He has kids and bills on the monthly.

Ask whoever is supporting you for a week to stay a little longer.

I’m excited for you meeting your baby. Best of luck to you. Take care, OP.

I would also ask to get the log in details and see the amount of UC going in. And get it made maybe to your account. You need to get tighter on finances hard as it is juggling it all.

You issue ultimatums when you are in a strong position and able to follow it through - the OP said she is without the support of her parents, has nowhere to go to and has no money at the moment. What ultimatum?

OP, he is one of life's selfish losers.
I feel desperately sorry for you.
You are paying dearly for investing your time and energy with such a waster.
He is not trustworthy.
Be very careful.