Due to give birth tomorrow and dp has said ...

You should be ok after the first week so if that is what worried you the most , try and be positive . Most people I know can go back to most stuff after the first week .
It seems you are in a financial predicament so I ancn see why he needs to work but for the future you either you put your foot down and take control of finances from now on or you need to consider what your stability will be like . He clearly is not organised enough to work for himself without help . Is it even viable ?

Congratulations on your baby! Please tell health visitor and GP and they might be able to support. Also please talk to neighbours, friends and tell them you are struggling. When I had my first child and she was a velcro baby with reflux, it was horrendous! My mum had to go for a week as my sister also had a baby and she went to see her other grand child. During that time I was really struggling and confided in my lovely neighbour. She was a lovely lady in her 60’s and similar age to my own mum. She would call me daily to check and come when it was convenient and hold my daughter for me so I could take a shower or cook a meal, eat, take a nap etc. She made that week without my mum bearable! I will never forget her kindness and we still keep in touch even though we have moved from that area 7 years ago. So people are willing to help, just ask.

Congratulations on your baby OP💐.

I'm sorry for everything you've been put through it's really not fair,do you have any other family or friends or neighbours your close to that would help you out at home whilst your still recovering?

I'd honestly help anyone I knew that was going through what your going through,someone to just be able to provide a bit of support with your toddler,someone to help with laundry and washing up ect so your not so stressed bless you because you really should be taking it easier with all you've been through.

Agreed. OP this is horrendous. Your man-child of a DH needs to wise up. This is not at all right or fair. Chances are you will take an extremely long time to get over the resentment of putting you all in this situation. If ever and who could blame you. He had one job, cover the financials, pull out all the stops to get his work completed. Absolute joke he undercharged and unfortunately you won’t get what should be a special time back. His parents sound like enablers and no two ways about it. He has let you and DC down. Next time he asks what’s wrong tell him. Ridiculous all in you can’t even say you are struggling, not recovering well and the stress of the situation he chose to put you all in has been horrendous. Tell him you feel really let down as it shouldn’t be like this.

OP, you come across as strong and rational and the kind of person who will cope well and thrive once you’ve recovered, got your ducks in a row & LTB. He doesn’t deserve you, he’s let you & baby down massively, you deserve better & will find it. Lots of good advice on here.

Oh op this must be so much stress. I wish you the strength to tell him to leave and block him on everything. You’re doing it alone and tough with a man sized dead weight. One of those problems you can fix, he’s never going to be a support to you. He doesn’t even understand what he’s done to you, because he cannot consider taking responsibility for his decisions.
when you do leave, no support. Not a penny to his debts. He has taken and taken and taken from you.

You already have two children, soon to be three.

This sums it up really.
Im so sorry OP. He’s let you down in a massive way. I would struggle to get past this. What a selfish nob.

@Onedayaway just regarding your sling comment. A c-section shouldn't stop you babywearing. If a sling is worn correctly, it won't be anywhere near your wound, and baby should have legs in the frog-leg position so shouldn't be near your wound either. I've had an emcs and used a sling from the beginning. A baby should always be sitting 'close enough to kiss'.

Your partner is a selfish, pathetic failure. I am so, so sorry @Onedayaway. He has failed you so much.

Dp saw me today and asked what wrong. He just doesn't have a clue what it's like to be cut in half, do all the night wakes, look after a screaming clingy newborn and toddler, and then have to scrape money together so he doesn't have to worry and can go about his day only having to be concerned about his job.

I hope you find a way to make the useless shit see this ^

Fuck me, this rings familiar with me…my ex told me on night I came home sleep deprived for c-section that he was likely to be made redundant. I’d literally spent 4 nights in hospital, difficult birth with over 2 days labour…I got up to breast feed (still establishing) crawled back into bed at 3;30am, and exh decided it was time for dumping his work woes onto me, and scaring me shitless with money worries

i ended up with post natal depression.

I long along learnt that some men will not take responsisiblty to step up and adult re earning money by any means to keep roof over head, food on table, heating etc no matter what. They want to do what they feel is best for the, even when family suffers…in my exh case it was refuses to find a job, any job…he wanted senior level positions he frankly wasn’t fit to do …and we were getting into debt

it took me way too long to realise his selfish entitlement. And longer to divorce.

nope, a decent man wil priorities fiancnail security while family is young and mothers wages limited. Time for starting new risky ventures was when he was young, single or married with no kids, or when the kids have left home. He chose to have kids (or at least chose not to actively prevent having kids by having a vasectomy) and therefore he needs to also care for those kids, not default that care to you both physically AMD financially so he can continue his vanity project.

him getting parents involved last time, just reeks of emotionally immaturity…it ain’t going to get better OP.

Give him ultimatum…either he gets work, any work, to bring in income in next 4 weeks or you start discussing divorce. Divorce will mean he has way less choice about what he does with his time and money than he does now. You’ll both be poorer for it, butnatnleastmyoucan work forwards to improving your lot without him pulling you down with debt for his next vanity project.

tell his parent to butt out unless they’re prepared to financially bail him out.

WTAF is the matter with you? How the fuck is this helpful?

She has said her mother is quite ill and not able to take them in.

how dare he sulk and stress!

So sorry you’re going through this OP. I would suggest speaking to all of your financial commitments - mortgage, insurance etc and arrange a payment holiday. Make sure you tell them you are in a ‘vulnerable’ position - suggest asking to speak to someone who deals with vulnerable customers and they can be the most flexible.

I hope that this too shall pass, and you and your lovely family come through be other end and make up for this hardship xxx

I'm so so cross with your arsehole DP for this.

And that is all I have to say right now.

I would seriously consider what you want your life to look like going forwards. I’ve been there with an exceptionally hard working exh who left a week paid job to set up his own business. He spent years trying to make it work, he was out the house from early til late sometimes 7 days a week with absolutely nothing to show for it.

Any money coming in immediately needed to go towards materials, fuel etc so I got no contribution to bills. I issued an ultimatum and he ended up getting a steady job but the damage was already done. Some people no matter how hard working can just not make their own business work whether it’s underpricing, not keeping records and charging for extras, being over optimistic how quickly they can complete a job, even just being a soft touch. Be really honest…. If he can’t explain where the moneys gone (if he even knows) how is he going to improve and get to a point where it’s profitable

I’ve just read some of the great advice about baby banks etc.

Don’t feel embarrassed or ashamed to ask anyone and everyone for help. You have nothing to be ashamed of. The DC’s father has very badly let you down.

Do let us all how you’re feeling if it helps. Mumsnet should be for mothers to support other mothers 💐

What @Wakemeupbe4yougogo said, with bells on.
OP, I really feel for you, as, well in advance, you told your DP your concerns re his self employment, and he has ploughed on regardless, as if you haven't said anything at all.
Bless your parents for helping for a few days, do they know your DP is like this? If not, I would tell them everything you have had to put up with, and see if they can help you further. It sounds like you would cope better as a single parent.

Congratulations on the baby.

have you looked at both your credit reports to see if there’s any other surprises?

OP I don’t think you’ve expressly answered this question but could you go and stay with your parents or a sibling?

you can’t go in like this. The man is stealing money from you and refuses to explain where the money is going.
What he is saying simply doesn’t add up.

Oh OP, that’s a terrible situation to be in. Don’t attempt to do anything other than absolute essentials. Your DP should be pre-prepping healthy meals and snacks for you and your toddler, and doing housework, in the evenings.

Post-partum, even in a standard natural birth, women should be taken care of for about 6 weeks. Historically, referred to as ‘lying-in’. At a time like this, family and friends should rally around. Is there anyone who can come to stay with you for a few days, perhaps if they can take one or two days leave either side of a weekend, so they’re with you for 4 days in total. Or come to look after your toddler for a couple of hours, so you can lie in bed with the baby and rest.

If you’re getting pain, talk to your GP or midwife.

Just focus on getting through each day, both physically and financially. Don’t spare your DP’s feelings and put your needs second. He needs to step up, given he caused this mess by taking a risk at such an important time. What was he thinking of giving up a secure job! And without your agreement!

Most women don’t give birth many times in their life. It’s the one time you must be selfish and put yourself (and of course the baby) first.

Sending strength.

He needs to get some proper debt advice from one of the major debt charities.

I feel for you...

Please tell HV, GP or anyone else how unsupported you are while trying to recover. They may be able to suggest or find help to see you through each day. You should not be pushing yourself physically. Can you tell DP to take a day off to help you? Just a start, to give you a break and chance to rest. Wish there was something I could do. It breaks my heart that you are going through this.