Due to give birth tomorrow and dp has said ...

Yes, perhaps it will limp on another few years until the OP feels strong enough and not a zombie from tiredness to pack up and leave him to the mess he will continue to create.

This isn't shit that just happened to happen. It was predicted by the OP, but he wouldn't listen, and now when she is at her most vulnerable point, he dumps the problem on her. Now he is the victim in need of rescue and her surgery and recovery must take second place to his chaos. Neatly done.

Again, this is a chaos maker, a man who derives satisfaction from seeing terror and distress in his partner, that arises from his gross irresponsibility. He is creating nightmarish financial instability (which means food and housing insecurity for the OP and her baby and toddler). He has dropped this bombshell the day before she is to undergo major abdominal surgery. This is all ego driven behaviour.

This will not get better. It's part of a personality disorder.

So many people aren't suited to self employment. They seem to think you have to work less hard than in employment, when the reality is you have to work much harder and have far more skills than you think you might need. People just want to work at their hobby and think they'll make a fortune.

I agree you should talk to your midwife. I'd plan an exit from that man but I wouldn't do it until I'd got my money sorted out. Don't even think of moving out yourself. He caused this problem with his arrogant views. He needs to leave, when the time is right for you.

He is not made for self employment, its only partly having a skill but there is so much more to it and it sounds like your DH just isn't suited to it.
He can't fanny around with a vanity project when you need him to support you financially and his (and his families) attitude when its suggested he do that absolutely stinks.
Sadly OP you can't make him get a job but you can decide whether you want to be with him long terms
I hope all goes well with the baby, I think you just need to try and focus on that and try to postpone everything else for a few weeks BUT the situation isn't tenable long term

Stop this situation right now. My DH gave me the “Oh but this is my big dream. If you say no you are ruining my big opportunity” He wore me down until I agreed to us buying a business. We started off mortgage free (our home) and 15 years later he was bankrupt. Massive debts, almost lost house and will be working until we drop dead. All life savings gone, everything. He’s an arsehole like my DH. Tell him to grow the fuck up and if his parents are that supportive, tell them to cough up the cash.

As a side note I had a C Section with a 2.5 year old. DH had one day off and I was then totally alone as I’m an orphan. Honestly it’s really not that bad at all. You just get on with it.

Well he sounds like an absolute trash human being who deserves to be left on the pavement with the bins.
I'm so sorry to ask this but could you not do c section? I know I opted one because quite frankly I didn't want to give birth naturally but would a natural birth allow you to recover quicker.

I was in a similar situation when my husband decided to become a contractor when we had young children. So incredibly selfish. He then got into masses of debt which he hid from me and couldn't pay and he expected me to bail him out. It completely wrecked our marriage.

Exactly this. I don’t care if he was using up a box of tissues a day snivelling about his previous job, when you are responsible for two kids and know your partner is about to start a recovery from major surgery you behave like an adult, suck it up and put your dream of self employment on hold until the finances work better for your family. Self indulgent prick.

Cross posted.

This is the end of the relationship.

He's financially unreliable and he's not just playing with his own livelihood. He's playing with that of you and your children too.

Also he's an idiot for using credit cards for business purposes.

FIL is a labourer and it's in his pre-work estimate contract that there's a non-refundable 20% fee of the estimated total costs with an addendum that says if the costs of materials comes to more than 20% then additional fees will be requested before work commences. Then if there are any adjustments, like he managed to source cheaper materials or if things cost more in terms of daily labour or tools required he alters it in the final invoice which also includes the original copy of the estimate to show the difference.

He never has to use a credit card because the customer agrees that to use him as a contractor, if they want him, they pay the overheads upfront.

That's how a sustainable business should work.

He doesn't seem at all clued up about running a business and if he can't swallow his pride and stop making this about his feelings, and instead make this about your future and collective success then split up. Don't get yourself in debt for this man.

I don't understand why he doesn't have enough money for the job. Has he spunked it? My brother does what sounds like similar work. He bills for materials, materials are delivered then bills for labour. He shouldn't be out of pocket.

If his parents want to support him, and his new venture, now is the time when he needs to ask them for money.
Otherwise he needs to get a loan or business overdraft from the bank. Priority is to finish these jobs and get paid in full, and line up the next one ASAP !
Ideally, he should line up a permanent contract if he cannot make this a success. It’s a bad time to be starting a new business.

How has the OP been irresponsible? She has a small child and works part time like lots of Mums of small children. It wasn't a problem before her DH jacked in his secure job to start a business without a proper plan and against her wishes.

So what’s actually the issue with this job? My DH is a contractor and a deposit is requested up front to cover materials, then interim payments depending on the size of the job. Issues or extras are always discussed with client and then invoiced. Profit is only affected if he (or one of his guys) accidentally fucks something up. He might take the hit of a day or so if it runs over but there will always be a reason for this and client will normally be charged.

What did your DP spend the materials money on? Why is he not invoicing the client for the additional work/materials?

I really feel for you.
He needs to ask financial help from his family, it’s on him. And throw himself into finishing contracting work days and nights. Your parents help you with toddler and newborn and maybe financially as well but not for DH. It’s too much.
Ask for mortgage holiday.
Hope all goes well tomorrow.

If he earns v little they should be getting UC anyway.

He doesn't get that this isn't about him.

You're stuck with a chaos maker. It's a form of abuse. You will never be able to rely on this man.

I am divorced from a man who decided to become self-employed one month after we closed on our house, then peoceded to not make any money. His problem was that he saw working for other people as an affront to his sense of entitlement. He couldn't stand having to do someone else's bidding. Short term gratification was always his choice over responsible planning, and all he cared about was his own ego.

Does your P "work well with others"?
Does he see himself as billy big bollocks?
Does he go about life without any sort of realistic plan but still demand respect and trust?

What are the loans and bills?

It is time to reconsider everything about this relationship. He seems to have a flying by the seat of his pants approach to life while still happy to bring children into the world. A feckless and very immature individual.

Ask your parents to take you and the DCs in after that first week. Let your partner kick off all he wants. This is all his fault.

Can his parents help out financially if they're so keen that you should support his business? Even just to get him to finish this job. You really need to just think about yourself and DC.

Good intentions don't pay the bills.

He needs to get a job. Or you need to make it clear your marriage isn't sustainable with his sulking and refusal to be realistic.

Just park it all and get in the zone. This useless waste of space will still be the same tomorrow and you need to concentrate on your baby tomorrow.

How dare he put you in a position where the night before you're stressed. I'd never forgive the .

Good luck tomorrow.

Setting up a business with no capital behind him was a massive mistake. To leave a stable, secure full-time job, whilst you are pregnant, to go self-employed is utter madness. Running your own business isn't easy or for everyone, if it was, we'd all be doing it. He now has to work out a way to finish the jobs he's started and then find a new job with an employer. He doesn't have the time or the finances to bugger around playing businessman. There is mortgage/rent and bills to pay, plus all the other expenses of running a home and having a family. He doesn't have the luxury of sitting down and feeling sorry for himself. You are due to have a baby tomorrow (congratulations by the way), and his priority is his family and finding work.

Could you borrow the grand required from anyone so he could get the job done? Then he could crack on. Then maybe look for alternative work at the same time.

Plus put a claim in for Universal Credit.

Congratulations on the baby tomorrow. Don't worry about being alone with 2 little ones, you'll be fine.

Right now, your job is to have a baby. His job is to support you and sort out his business issues. Nothing will change by you worrying about it. He can discuss worries with his family.
You just think about you, your child and baby.

OP Try and get some rest. Others are going to have to help sort this out while you have a baby! Focus on yourself tonight. Thinking of you positively. May all go well tomorrow for you and your lovely baby.

Agree. Sounds like he needs to learn how to manage his finances better if he is to run his own business. This is bad financial planning if he has got himself into a situation where he can’t even finish a job without the right materials.
its not a situation where he has no money, he is in considerable debt.