MIL doesn’t offer to pay her share when we meetup

If it's to the detriment of the house hold and their shared child then she has a right to bring this up as a concern.

His mother is not a dependant.

I would spring it on her, not give her advance warning. So you're in line at the National Trust tea shop and you turn to her and say "we'll get ours and you get yours today ok? money is a bit tight" then turn away and get your own tray of tea and cakes only. She has zero choice and cannot argue.

Or in a restaurant you ask them to split the bill so your MIL only has to pay for herself and you pay for the rest. You ask the waiter in front of her, you don't ask her.

You have to instigate the change, not be mousy about it.

Haha.

Not much. They are millionaires. I bought them an ice cream last summer but tbh can’t afford to treat them much

how is this “our” money coming in, OP?

Do you work or is your DH the only one working? If he doesn’t have a problem spending on his mom now and then, I think you should ignore it.

My PILs are just like this. They arrange meals out and sit back waiting for us to pay. They order plenty of alcohol and say they will pay their own drinks bill but never do.

It's very annoying but they're already two faced so I'm not speaking up and giving them ammunition. My parents are the opposite, trying to give us money for everything and I have to insist we pay our share or treat them.

Your husband should start dropping hints about not being able to afford things at the moment and your MIL might think twice about it when it comes to paying.

I know others that this has happened to, and it was following the death of their husband. Husband had always paid for everything.

Buy the cheapest own brand coffee for her visits, if you're out, go to Mcdonalds or Tesco for a drink, the more crowded the better, make it uncomfortable.

If we had the money I'd love to pay for my in laws and my parents. However with young kids money is sparce and they usually end up paying for us 😫I'm guessing you've been paying for a long time and it's become the norm, so I imagine its quite difficult to bring up now. I would just make it clear you haven't got much money at the moment, and say you simply can't afford to do much at the moment, unless it's free.

I couldn't imagine making my son pay for me but then again I always pay for my mother or MIL when we go for coffee or eat out but the thing is they never expect it as a given and are generous with the children either way.
How old were your husband and his siblings when she started this?

This.

or conveniently forget your card and say ‘since we have paid the last few times can you pay for this, thanks’

I find it weird that growing up all the children had to split by three and pay for her, and that has just continued. Then when she does bring something it is clearly a hand me down book. When she comes visit can she not just stay in with dh and dc while you go out? Then at least you won’t see her to get annoyed!

Eurgh mine does this so I avoid going out for meals as it infuriates me!

My MIL does this. She is a widow and her DH would always have paid. I think she likes to be treated and just doesn’t consider the money. She is very comfortable and has far more disposable income than we do. She even expected my mum to pay for her coffee at a cafe when she ‘forgot’ her handbag. It’s not a huge amount of money - but I couldn’t imagine just assuming that others are just happy to pay for me.

Be honest. If she suggests lunch or an activity explain that's not in your budget.

Is it that she is old fashioned in that she expects your DH to pay and look after his mother? Is she widowed and her husband used to look after everything financial?

Just wondering as I can imagine some older women are like this and I know in some cultures it's definitely the norm that a grown son would cover his mother in such situations.

In which case just go cheap. Beans on toast and the park. No meals out and don't buy her ticket for paid attractions.

I think you need to agree with husband to nip in bud now. Longer it goes on harder it will be. If she mentions museum say yes it was nice but not something we can do a lot as it was £x.
I’d search for places with free entry or just park and take food/drink.
If she suggests something that costs say sounds nice but will be a bit pricey so let’s not. If she hints at lunch or coffee out day oh we can eat at home.
If your costs are high with nursery I’d be very honest how much they are some older people have no idea.

Yeah my mil does this. Always stands back to let us pay the bill. She’ll suggest going for a tea, fair enough but then she’ll order a breakfast and a cake too. We’ll maybe have a can of coke as that’s cheaper. Then she expects us to pay for something we haven’t budgeted for. She also to think our car is a free taxi available for her use anytime. I let DH pay as it’s his problem.

I had a few ‘round dodger’ pals in my teenage years too. I remember us all standing there awkwardly with empty drinks waiting as it was one girls round. Eventually one of us went for another round so she effectively had a free night out. I seethed until we got in a taxi and then said ‘x since you didn’t buy a round all night I think it’s only fair you pay for the taxi !’ She snapped ‘I was going to anyway!’ Hmm well it’s weird that you didn’t mention it and the taxi cost less than the 2 rounds she skipped.

This is bizarre to me.

My DC are mid twenties and I always pay for all of us if we go anywhere with their DPs.

I even pay for us all to go on holidays.

You need to do free stuff and if she says anything, say you can’t afford much at the moment. Cheeky cow!

A 1 year old doesn’t really need pay for attractions, they even like garden centres with fish tanks. We are stil going 90% free attractions with our now 5 year old! Admittedly I do plan around usually one cafe stop when the relatives come.

I would really just take pack lunches everywhere, coffee in a flask and opt for free attractions & occasionally just drop it in that we don’t have money for luxuries these days.

My husband and my Mum/MIL take turns paying. But my husband always pays for his adult sisters and will always treat his mother as much as possible. So depends on culture! Are you all British? My British mother always offers to pay for me and my kids but has less money so my husband treats her too.

No wonder she likes staying with you, if it's all expenses paid!

In future, no expensive outings. Go to the park and take a flask of coffee. If she complains, just say that you and OH are trying to cut back on unnecessary expenditure.

Gosh if I was staying with someone for the weekend I'd be taking them for lunch/ coffee etc .
I had a friend who used to visit for a few days and did exactly this same thing. After the second time I stopped inviting her.

Next time she comes, tell her you can't afford to treat her to an outing. She'll either accept it or offer.

At the museum, I don't understand why you didn't just pay for your own tickets? Why pay for her too? If she is of pensioner age, she might have a card to get a discount so I'd leave her to show her card and pay for herself. Or let her go in the queue first, and see who she pays for.

At the restaurant, just say we are paying separately, or go to the counter and pay your part if its too awkward at the table.

If going out, ask her is she needs a cash machine BEFORE going to buy her own ticket/lunch etc.

Gosh I nearly always pay for my adult children. Or sometimes we have split the bill. I couldn’t possibly let them pay for me all the time.
Was it the case that her husband always used to pay when out, so she has never had to pick up the tab?