MIL doesn’t offer to pay her share when we meetup

Do you ever treat your MIL? She’ll probably be on her next week doing the reverse of this thread, “DIL and DS never pay for a meal and always expect me to pay” 😂

Your H needs to tell her. I wouldn't start out with asking her to pay or saying she hasn't been paying her share, but he can certainly say that money is very tight (young child now, COL crisis, etc. - no need to even get specific about your household's circumstances) and her stays with you will be getting more spartan, with outings mostly limited to what's free. Maybe she'll start paying her way, maybe she'll even offer to treat - but if not, at least the negative impacts are reined in without any blaming or too much awkwardness or hurt.

My MIL was like this. Basically , I refused to subsidise her.

If he wanted to pay, he took it out of his money, not family money. It certainly focused his attention. MIL had to be reminded from time to time that we would subsidise neither her nor SIL, but we got there.

Just go somewhere that doesn’t cost anything!

We had this with my MIL but we stopped it straight away.
Just tell her if she’s joining you she needs to pay for her own.

The first time
We took her on holiday and paid for the accommodation and travel ( all in a car to Guernsey ) …she didn’t offer to pay
We went shopping for food. She put what she wanted in the trolley and stood back at the tills. My dh loaded it on the conveyor separately to ours and said she needs to pay ( it wasn’t joint type food it was really expensive wine, meats [ we’re veggie] etc )
When we went to a restaurant my dh just immediately told her her share ( split equally by number of people ) or suggested she pay the next time. She said she wouldn’t be paying for our family dh, me and our 1year old so paid for herself in a huff.

With my parents we had to practically wrestle them to the ground to stop them paying for everything all the time. My dad used to sneak up to the till in a restaurant to pay before we realised what he was up to. He’d be paying for my MIL too.

She drove us mad ( we have a single friend who does the same though )
But then she never bought the kids a single birthday or Christmas present either so at least she was consistent

Stand you ground
Just say you’re splitting the bill.

If she suggests going out to somewhere/something that has a cost, simply say that money is tighter now and you don't have the budget for it.

Echoing others with free activities. Park, playground, walk, library? Hide your decent coffee & buy a jar of supermarket cheapie. If she mentions it then a perfect opportunity to say we are having to cut back. She might bring you a decent jar next visit!

when making arrangements for the day, make them economic, a picnic, sandwiches from home, a walk, free activities. If she suggests something costly, tell her you don’t have the cash for it. If she wants to do a costly activity she can pay on entry.

Sympathies OP. My mum is like this, and she’s not short of funds! Eg on a rainy day when I have to find something with a bit of inside to please everyone we might stop at the cafe to get hot drinks. She NEVER puts her hand in her pocket! In some ways I just can’t face all the you should pay for this etc so just leave it. But it would be lovely to have a parent who spoiled me a bit, I have friends whose parents pay for holidays and big meals out.

Hmm. Just because she has a large house doesn’t mean she has a lot of disposable income. 2 hours worth of petrol if she’s driving to you (?) is quite expensive in itself. I think it is quite odd but ultimately it’s up to your dh to say something.

DH needs to tell his mum that you’re short of money these days. If mil doesn’t offer her share, start going just to free activities and take a thermos of tea.

YANBU - she should offer out of courtesy or if she can’t pay her share at least check in before joining you.

My mother never pays for anything because I know she isn’t able to and I’m okay with that.

So, in the same way she cheekily assumed you’ll pay, you need to assertively assume you’ll split. Tell the waiter, “We’ll split this between two cards.”

Probably her husband paid for everything and now she sees your dh in the role of the man who takes charge and pays. She'd probably be insulted if you said anything.
But i couldn't stand that!!!

Is she financially comfortable?

My MIL pays for us whenever we see her! She bought me and dh a whole pub lunch with our two kids last weekend!!

I would find your MIL very grating if she had money and isn’t paying her way a bit

YABU because neither you nor DH have told her to pay up.

What happens when you're her guests? Does she pay for everything then?

You just have to say “we can’t afford guests this month” and mean it.

In that case, reduce her visits a lot. If it's too awkward to get her to pay her way and money is tight, don't have her round.

It’s weird isn’t it. People are so different and family/ country culture very definite at the way to do it. In my foo we’re fighting over who pays, mil never offers.
I had an American friend visit recently and he paid for everything- he was adamant that as a rich single American he should always pay, it was quite lovely!!

Is she skint?

You may have to go all out and go nowhere with her .. except soft play😂 when she eventually mentions it tell her you can’t afford it