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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU for thinking my mum shouldn’t have comforted this child?

37 replies

TheBerry · 02/03/2025 17:13

I was at the supermarket with my mum and son and we passed a woman with her son of about 6. He was wailing / kinda having a bit of a tantrum. As we passed, the mum suddenly yelled, “Leo, be quiet!!!”

I don’t think it’s good to shout at your children, obviously, but I know I’ve done it before when I’ve lost my temper. From this isolated incident, I didn’t feel I could judge the mum, and I was ready to just keep walking.

My mum was clearly a bit shocked and she stopped and started saying stuff to the boy like, “Don’t worry, it’s ok,” until I dragged her away. The boy’s mum didn’t say anything but I think she was suitably shamed because she gave the boy a hug.

Of course I wholeheartedly believe you should step in if you see a child being abused or if a child is distressed but idk in this instance it just seemed unnecessary and interfering to me. The kid wasn’t truly distressed, he was just having a tantrum, and as far as I could tell the mum just lost her shit for a second. I get my mum felt bad for the child but I also think there may have been an element of wanting to shame the mum.

Wondering what others think. I might be biased because I often find my mum a bit annoying / embarrassing!

YABU - your mum was right to say something
YANBU - the kid was ok and your mum was just meddling / overreacting

OP posts:
WhatNoRaisins · 02/03/2025 17:58

If I'd been the child in this situation I don't think I'd have been at all reassured by a complete stranger interfering like that. It certainly didn't sound like any intervention was necessary, it's not nice but it's hardly unusual being snapped at in the supermarket.

Agree, probably just made mum feel even worse.

Original poster
TheBerry · 02/03/2025 17:55

stayathomer · 02/03/2025 17:43

I think it’s a nice thing- yes the child’s mum could have been having the crappest day, similarly the child mightn’t see much niceness because the mum might be going through a constant tough time. I work at a checkout and try to chat to kids whose mums aren’t treating them the best judt in case. I try to chat to the mum too though

I think that is such a nice approach. Reading the responses, I wish I’d said something to the mum now… just “are you ok?” or something. I didn’t think to at the time, and I couldn’t quite elucidate why I felt my mum’s response was bad. I am autistic so can’t always work out the right thing to say / do even if I feel something is wrong, like I did with my mum’s actions today. Maybe I’ll try to explain it to her now but I’m not sure she’ll get it.

OP posts:
nam3c4ang3 · 02/03/2025 17:54

Your mum should mind her own business. I would have been quite angry if she tried to interfere - is she a busybody normally?

Jackiepumpkinhead · 02/03/2025 17:50

Your mum should mind her own business, so unnecessary.

sciaticafanatica · 02/03/2025 17:47

I would have told your mother to "pissoff"
She's involving herself in a situation that she knows nothing about.
Some people don't do gentle parenting

stayathomer · 02/03/2025 17:43

I think it’s a nice thing- yes the child’s mum could have been having the crappest day, similarly the child mightn’t see much niceness because the mum might be going through a constant tough time. I work at a checkout and try to chat to kids whose mums aren’t treating them the best judt in case. I try to chat to the mum too though

Sometimeswinning · 02/03/2025 17:43

I’d have had the mums back!

Quinlan · 02/03/2025 17:39

I have an autistic kid and a NT kid. I hate shouting. We do not shout. I grew up with really shouty parents so I hate it and it scares me. But… my autistic kid sometimes gets stuck in a total spiral and after years of dealing with it, I have found that the only way to get him to stop spiralling is to shout “Be quiet and look at me.” Then, he does stop and it gives him the pause he needs to do his breathing etc.
If your mum stuck her nose in during that moment, she’d be getting told where to go.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 02/03/2025 17:34

Your mum was very very unreasonable. That poor woman who'd probably had a shit day and just snapped will now feel the shame of being judged by everyone and shown up by your dm. 🥺

Edit typo

Rosesducks · 02/03/2025 17:20

it was a kind thing to do, yes there may be more to it all but either way still a kind thing

SemperIdem · 02/03/2025 17:18

Your mum should mind her own business. Not all complete strangers would react well to her interfering.

Lavender14 · 02/03/2025 17:16

I think if I'd been in that situation I'd have been inclined to offer some form of support to the mum rather than the child. You're seeing a tiny glimpse of what has maybe been a brutal day so rather than undermine her, I'd be trying to offer solidarity to her. So no I don't think your mum should have interfered.