Pregnant at the same time as my mum – feeling weird about it!

I’d feel the same way. It’s an unexpected situation and Granny is unlikely to as available and focused on your baby and you as you were expecting. But it is what it is and hopefully will work out well.

I don’t mean to be negative or nasty, but I’d be more concerned about her having a mc. It’s the most likely outcome at age 45. Hopefully she’s not going to, but I’d kind of just take things as they come really.

Awww OP. There are so many different feelings going around for everyone involved. It's ok to feel weird, annoyed, put out, delighted, excited etc even all at the same time.
I know it must be hard but if I was you I would focus on the positives. What a lovely thing for you all. Id embrace it. A very unique experience for you to have with your mum who is still a relatively young woman herself although age wise I am sure she is anxious about pregnancy etc.
Take care of yourself and your mum and I wish your family every happiness on this new adventure x

Sorry OP but if you marry young & subsequently have grown-up children who go on to have babies your mother has every right to live her life & have a child with her new partner. The days of Grannies sitting with their knitting has long gone. You should be happy for your mother & embrace this new & lovely dynamic 😊

It is weird. I find it quite selfish of her tbh.

It's your turn to, she should be in full excited grandma mode not "bump buddies". Eww. I wouldn't want my mum to be comparing symptoms and growth centiles etc. I'd want her to be excited about my baby, offering to babysit rather than swapping babysitting days. It's also hardly going to be a normal sibling relationship is it.

Also quite odd as you'll want to make mum friends but if you're local and in the same baby groups as your mum then it'll be a completely different experience.

So judgemental and so many assumptions.

OP feels uncomfortable about this, that doesn't mean she is "overthinking" it. She is allowed her feelings and to discuss them. The number of babies born worldwide likely has no impact on how OP feels about her situation. We don't even know if OP was TTC.

She’s remarried and has been TTC with her DH2 for a while, so I’m happy for her, but I can’t shake this strange feeling about it.

When did this 'strange feeling' start? When you were pregnant or before?

You KNEW she was trying to conceive. At 45 she's bang up against her biological timeclock and couldn't afford to postpone conceiving. But you at 27 presumably could have, if you found the idea of being pregnant together off-putting.

The babies haven't arrived yet, try to get it into prespective.

What’s « grandma mode »?? I’m only a few years under 45 and if DD expected me to go into grandma mode I would… I don’t even know what I’d do! I know a few 40 y o grandparents and they babysit, have baby pics to show around, etc but haven’t drastically changed since becoming grandparents.

If the DC are close it could be lovely for them, like being cousins.

But, as s9 often, the only person whose actions you can control here are your own. From what you say, you knew she was trying to conceive. Why didn’t you postpone your own pregnancy if you found the idea of being pregnant together too odd? Realistically, you wouldn’t have had to do it for long.

Did you know your DM was TTC before you got pregnant?

Imagine the babies playing together 😍

Yeah, I’d feel utterly gross about that.

Totally get why you would feel weird

Sorry do people have to act like they're old at 45? Why on earth is this an issue? Unless you feel that your mum will steal your thunder.

I would find this totally weird. I get it will have lots of lovely aspects to it but I wanted my mum to be my mum when I had my DC not have a sibling that is totally dependent on her. There will always be loads of reasons why you can't be your mum's sole focus when you have a baby but this one would have thrown me! Plus I think that, whilst my mum has loads of experience with babies, she wasn't up to date on all of the current advice and latest products so I felt as least I knew that bit. Your mum will be all over that too!

I should add, my DM has a great and grandmotherly relationship with my DC, she’s enjoyed them in the same way and definitely saw them more as a result of her having my DSis (who I also have a sisterly relationship with - we regularly squabble over who’s the favourite offspring 😂)

This happened to me! There are 5 months between my DD and DSis. My DD is older too but they are in the same school year.

I definitely did feel like you OP but it’s honestly one of the best things. We were such a great support for each other and it was super handy when organising cover for school holidays and teacher training days.

They are now 17 and are great friends (they went to the same school etc.). I should say that I was already close to my mum and so seeing her most days was never a problem. We actually now live a couple of doors away from each other.

I did feel like she’d stolen my thunder initially though 😂

While I don’t blame you for feeling weird about it, your mum hasn’t experienced the ‘normal’ family unit. She had you very young and I’m assuming she didn’t have a supportive relationship with your father. She deserves that now, and you are embarking on motherhood with likely all of the things she didn’t have. Don’t just wish all the best things for her without putting them into practice – actively be supportive and focus on the positives.

I think your mum is irresponsable having a child at 45 (I'm 45) since she already has children and this seems like a desperate try to stay young. I don't get it: geriatric pregnancies are not without risks for the woman and the baby. And she won't have the same energy to run after a 5 year old at 50 as a younger mum. She will probably rely on you babysitting rather than the other way round.

Yanbu, a lot of women get a lot of support from their mum when they have a newborn, and if you're in that type of family, I think it's normal to feel a bit sad that that support is no longer there and instead you're going to be supporting each other. You can't help how you feel about it

Its understandable to feel weird. This is your mum, and you want a mum through your pregnancy, and a grandma when your baby's here, not a mate who's pregnant at the same time. But unfortunately few peoples families are exactly as they want them to be, so the trick is to make the most of what you've got and try not to dwell on what you haven't. Sounds like you have a good and loving relationship and could become even closer doing things together with your babies, and it could be lovely for your DCs to have each other.

Like another PP said it used to be more common. Lots of families probably have it in their family tree. I understand it feeling weird but I think you are overthinking it. It shouldn’t make you disconnected from your pregnancy. I don’t get why it’s doing that. Hopefully your children will get on well and that’ll be a lifelong relationship they’ll have.

I can understand you feeling a bit weird about it, but at 45 your mum isn't wildly unusual being pregnant, you being the right age to also be pregnant is just a side effect if her first baby being when she was so young. And honestly, it's not like she jumped in and got pregnant because she was jealous of you or something, you know she was already trying so it shouldn't be a suprise. What else is there for you to do but basically get over it?
She is already pregnany, she can't change that so if you tell her how you feel now all you will do is spoil the relationship you have.
And think of the positives, you are lucky enough to have a mum that is young enough to be an active part of your dcs life for many years, plenty of people out there who were late babies or are late pregnancies themselves and the Gparents are in their 80s already and will miss out on being properly involved in the DGC lives.