Pregnant at the same time as my mum – feeling weird about it!

Different people cope differently. And as you're 45 yourself I'm surprised you think this must be an attempt to stay young, it seems a rather shallow perspective to me.

I would feel weird about it too OP. But hopefully given time you can come to accept it and your babies can be close.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Selfish?? Excited grandma mode?? She’s still a person as well as a grandma, she doesn’t have to run her life around her adult child. I know OP never said that but some of these other posts are quite mind blowing!

This could be great.
I'm not close to my actual siblings but my mum's youngest brother is a few months older than me and he has been my rock solid BFF my whole life. Even when we lived in different countries for a few years of our childhood we kept in touch by letter (back in the olden days when the internet didn't exist and overseas calls cost a fortune) and every time we met up it was as if I'd seen him an hour before. Eventually he lived with me when he came back to the UK. Now we are both old and married and have our own homes but we live close to one another. We regularly travel as a big family group or just with him and his husband. He is godfather to all my children. It's a really special connection.

My uncle is a similar age to me, we were like brotger and sister when we were kids.

I know two people this has happened to. My friend and my cousin. In both cases the grandmothers really dote on the grandchild and the babies have grown up together as best friends and have such a close, lovely relationship, so it can all work out. I understand your feelings but hopefully as you get used to the situation they will pass.

Oh I totally get where you're coming from - my first thoughts on reading your post are the same! Tbh I would find it completely weird in your shoes too, especially as she's having a child at that age when she already has much older children. I always would imagine my mum being there to support me when I had my first child, definitely not having her own newborn at the same time!

There's nothing you can do about it now though, so I guess you have to make the best of it! Is there a big gap timing wise, or are you both due very close together?

I think it's understandable to feel it's strange/weird .

Dare I ask though about your MIL - if you have one - now she will hopefully be thrilled presumably to be involved and ready to be there for you ?

My aunt was 47 with her final baby. She was amazing & he kept her young. I'm baffled as to why women in their 40s should only be Grannies 👵 😂

Yes this.
This is a much wanted baby and as many have pointed out at 45 anything could happen.
The alternative is your mum is utterly devastated and heartbroken.
This child will enhance your mum's life.
I think you need to change your mindset to see this as a positive thing and not something inconvenient affecting your own plans.

I think it's perfectly normal to feel a bit sad about this. You may have been wanting your mum to mother you again, to be excited about the baby and to help where you want. Whereas now she's going to be busier and it won't be the same experience for you.

I would find it very strange. And I would also feel a bit disappointed and let down.

You are definitely not being unreasonable.

However, it's happening, you'll just need to make the best of it.

Equally why should OP's Mum jeopardise the family she wants just to keep OP happy?

I was also pregnant at the same time as my daughter but I lost mine. I know have a 3 year old grandson

I had another baby last year though which is probably weirder. So my daughter has a nephew 2 years older than her

Your 'experience' is only special to you, lots of people do it.

OP might want more than one child? Her mother has already given birth - why should the OP jeopardise her chances of having the family she wants?

Yeah I would feel weird about this too but I guess the peril of her having you so young, it was always a possibility. Good luck to her at 45, I am 45 and can't imagine doing baby phase again!

The way some people talk about older Mums on Mumsnet is unbelievable. 'Irresponsible' to have a baby at 45, will be knackered running after kids etc.

Women have been having babies at this age forever. As loads of PP say, back in the day it was really common (my DM is the same age has her oldest nieces).

Can understand OP feeling like she wants her Mum around etc but her Mum is entitled to her own life.

I'm almost your mums age and teenage pregnancy was through the roof back then. I've worked in a lot of education settings and uncles/nieces/aunts/nephews very common in the same class these days. It's just the way it is people having babies at the start of their fertility means there's scope for this to happen. It's not as abnormal or weird as you think it's just biology 🙃

I don't think you are wrong or bad to feel weird about it at all. However it is happening, you can't change it, so you better get used to the idea! To be honest it will be quite some time before either child is old enough to understand that the ARE aunt/uncle & niece/nephew or/and that usually these people would be different ages. For them, they will probably enjoy having a similar age playmate, who they will just see like more cousins.

Would you feel better if you asked your mum to back off on the ‘bump buddies’ phrasing? She surely can’t be so obtuse as to not realise the situation is not all that common or that you might have mixed feelings about it.

If your feelings are mixed I think it’s reasonable to express that, rather than have to pretend throughout your pregnancy and beyond that this situation is jolly.

Be lovely about it and be delighted for her pregnancy but ask or suggest that she finds a pregnancy buddy in her social circle. This way you reclaim some psychological space for yourself whilst you come to terms with this surprising situation.

Well, there’s also that. There’s a higher chance of a miscarriage for a woman pregnant at 45. Obviously one wishes the OP’s mother the best, but a pregnancy doesn’t always result in a baby.

I think OP is worried that her mothers baby will take away attention from her baby.....resources such as as time, money, affection.....

I don’t think it’s normal to be pregnant at the same time as your mother is so I can completely understand why it must be very strange for you to experience this.

Whilst I’m sure she’s excited about becoming a granny, her having her own baby right now overshadows this experience for you, and yes I get that you wanted her in “granny mode” but instead she’s going to be in “mum mode”. It’s not the same dynamic as being pregnant at the same time as a friend, she’s your mother.

I’m sure it will all end up fine and they will have a great bond growing up together.

Oh come on
There's a fair bit of 'I want' going on here
Her mum is a person in her own right enjoying a new relationship, absolutely nothing selfish about it