It’s a child maintenance one

Every year he’s shared his p60 and if he’s underpaid over the year (sometimes he has if he’s got a bonus) then he pays me a one off to make it fair.

I don’t understand what’s “fair” about this.

You are no longer together
He pays above child maintenance already
why should he pay you extra if he gets a bonus?

You don’t work because of dla and your exs generous maintenance. You’ve had it very lucky.

I don’t think it’s very fair to be putting pressure on him to give you his notice money. He sounds like a very fair man who has made sure his children are taken care of while you do your own thing at home. Be greatfull you’ve not had to fight for the min cma and maybe look at getting work yourself to cover the shortfall and let him focus on getting a new job.

Then if they’re in employment it’s fine to expect them to be financially independent of their parents past having a room in a house

UC reduces at 6k, not stops completely IIRC.

but I believe CMS expect payments until the age of 20

its 20 if they stay in eduction

So if he can do it with a full time job so can you

Personally if mine aren’t at Uni or moved out at 18 they can ruddy well get a job and contribute to household bills and earn their own “pocket money”. I am married and don’t get maintenance but I believe CMS expect payments until the age of 20. 21 is plenty old enough to be financially independent of your parents.

You have six months to plan for contingencies. Which is a lucky situation to be in. YABU to have relied so long on your exH’s finances rather than getting more financial security yourself.

They don't though do they ? they the non resident parent pays untiill the young adult leaves school / college and that can be up to 20
This may blow your mind but some young adults don't go to university they get jobs or apprenticeship, s and can support themselves

16k is not a lot though is it! Will not even pay a house deposit.

its 16 months of £1000 payments by ex

But op is on UC so the rate would be £6k and thats an additional 6 months - so added to what Ops ex is paying it would take her to April 26. By that time her ex may have another job or her business may be flourishing

Absolutely - people want the benefit of marriage following divorce. Thing is, for the hard times as OP has illustrated perfectly they’re not there - they just want to ride the gravy train and take the highs.

16k is not a lot though is it! Will not even pay a house deposit.

I think if he was paying cms minimum then I'd agree with you. But he hasn't, he's consistently paid over on time. Which makes him better than most ex husbands. You only have to read the stories on the money and the divorced threads to be horrified.
So I'd see his overpayment as cancelling out his redundancy windfall tbh.
I know where you are coming from but I would let it go. Chances are he'll treat your kids and then it's win win.

If he earns less next year would you repay him? No, you wouldn’t. He’s continuing to
pay you what he has so what’s your issue? a hypothetical one borne from greed.

Yes you can

you can have up to £16k on HB if pension age or non working

you can have £6k claiming UC

council tax relief will vary on amounts

you can also overpay utilities bills and this not be seen as deprivation of accesses along with overpayment of social housing rent.

@MikeRafone you can’t have savings and claim benefits too!

is it right he’s not giving me a share of the notice money? Is it fair that the payments may stop when it runs out?

Your ex is being very fair & the doesn't have to give you a share of the money paid for 6 months notice.

Hopefully you've been prudent over the 15 years and have £ in savings as back up for a rainy day

People are so harsh on OP. Is it some kind of twisted jealousy. I work 30 hours a week and get a generous cms allowance too. Also supported by universal credit. Literally claim what I am entitled to. I started a thread and everyone piled on calling me lazy too. I do 99% of childcare. Ex lives an extravagant life abroad. Of course children of a high paying parent should benefit from a reasonable lifestyle?! Bizarre to me!

I swear mumsnet is a race to the bottom. Being a single parent is bloody hard work. Easy in two parent families with double incomes to make comments but you aren’t running a house alone and literally doing everything.

Please take no notice of ignorant posters OP.

I find this such a weird attitude - the idea that the moment the child turns 18, that's it, parents can both just chuck them out and wash their hands of them.

Or in the non-resident father's case, stop paying a contribution to the roof over their head, and just give it straight to the 18 year old, knowing that the resident parent is unlikely to chuck them out.

This is why my agreement covers the kids until they are 23 if they are in full time education - there's an acknowledgement that it's me that's providing their day to day living and support, and so I get to choose where the maintenance goes. If either of us want to give them extra money, that's up to us.

So your ex and the tax payer has been funding your life style for the past 15 years.
So i would think anyone would have used 500 for the kids expenses and split the other 500 in to the kids savings that would be a lot over the 15 years for the kids to have when they hit uni.
Cm will come to an end your kids are teens at this point in life you can work full time and start funding your self.
Because exs and us tax payers are not personal atm machines.
I think you ex is in the right.

Same could be said for mum though.

once kids are 18 unless the child receiving dla is needing 24 hour care then no reason she shouldn’t be working to support herself and contributing to children at uni.

once they’re 18 the financial support should be between dad and the children anyway. Mum should be able to pay her own way and also support the children.

You're not the OP though are you?

She doesn't work full time because in her own words, 'she's never had to'.

Had she not thought like that, she'd have a lot more savings.

Or his exes parents.

dh gave up work to care for his mum. That was possible because I have always earned enough to pay the bills. It was also possible because in marriage we share the small inheritance that would pay back quite a few of the bills.

had we been divorced then no, I wouldn’t have been paying to support him to care for his mum. He’d have had to work something else out.

He's paying more than the CMS requirement OP stated at the start. Therefore he will be within his rights to reduce down to CMS amount for a few montha until he gets another job.
If this is the sole income supporting the family then the family will have to tighten their belts accordingly

There’s a difference between being married and being divorced. He’s got to support his kids, he doesn’t have to support his ex.