Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

55 year old female Reader interested in teenage boys

215 replies

Takemebacktowhen · 02/03/2025 04:36

My colleague and I have become quite close and spend a lot of weekends together. She has confided in my about a lot of things.

She is a lecturer to some teenage students. Today she apparently called a taxi for herself and an 18 year old student. She said she had given him her number and would like to take him to an exhibition. She described this young lad as exquisitely beautiful, that he is an ethnic minority that she is hugely attracted to.

I found this confession uncomfortable. It’s inappropriate isn’t it. The fetishisation of a minority was very unpleasant as well.

How would you take something like that. Should I just keep my beak out and mind my own bloody business.

OP posts:
Phonefiend · 02/03/2025 05:34

This would meet the criteria for a ‘low level concern’ in my workplace. I do think it should be reported.
https://learning.nspcc.org.uk/news/2021/october/responding-low-level-concerns-in-education

HellonHeels · 02/03/2025 05:30

Is there a staff code of conduct? What does it say about staff student relationships?

Ours is strict, it specifically mentions not just relationships but connecting on social media, use of personal email or phone numbers, friendship type activity etc. All banned.

The imbalance of power is what makes these relationships unacceptable, even if between consenting adults.

HelmholtzWatson · 02/03/2025 05:26

Lecturer here. Personally I'd stay out of it. She's having a bit of a fantasy that has yet to cross the line.

Your actions will potentially get her sacked and even if it doesn't, she will know who has reported her and this might make things very uncomfortable for you if she has influence in the department.

Original poster
Takemebacktowhen · 02/03/2025 05:16

JHound · 02/03/2025 05:05

She sounds weird, creepy, gross and fetishistic.

I would keep my distance.

I’m realising the elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top with her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Takemebacktowhen · 02/03/2025 05:13

daisypetula · 02/03/2025 05:01

You have a duty of care to report this.

So far it’s only a taxi situation and number given, would that meet the threshold for misconduct? Also they could both deny it.
I don’t normally grass people up, this time I am offended by the massive age gap and power imbalance. An 18 year old boy would be like a lamb to the slaughter, and she is very charming. She had absolutely objectified him in the way she talked about him, as though he was a delicious rare dish to be consumed.

I don’t know why she thought I’d be okay with hearing this, totally batshit bonkers.

OP posts:
Millymoonshine · 02/03/2025 05:12

Yes, you should report it but watch your own back.

daisypetula · 02/03/2025 05:11

Takemebacktowhen · 02/03/2025 05:03

If the consensus is that I need to respond to this situation, help me compose how to do it. Bit apprehensive and ill at ease talking about it. It’s almost like accusing her of being a nonce isn’t it.

I wouldn't talk to her at all. I'd talk to somebody at work, as she's a colleague you can talk to your manager,

Bingbopboomboomboombopbam · 02/03/2025 05:08

I would look into what the rules are regarding reporting (and also if you saying so is enough proof and won’t end up biting you) but regardless I’d keep my distance from her.

Caffeineneedednow · 02/03/2025 05:06

In my university relationships between staff and students are not permitted.
This came from he aftermath of the me too movement where abuse of power came to light across a variety of higher education settings.

It sounds like this has crossed the line even if she hasn't actually slept with him. I would report it.

JHound · 02/03/2025 05:05

She sounds weird, creepy, gross and fetishistic.

I would keep my distance.

Original poster
Takemebacktowhen · 02/03/2025 05:03

If the consensus is that I need to respond to this situation, help me compose how to do it. Bit apprehensive and ill at ease talking about it. It’s almost like accusing her of being a nonce isn’t it.

OP posts:
daisypetula · 02/03/2025 05:01

You have a duty of care to report this.

Original poster
Takemebacktowhen · 02/03/2025 04:58

Glorybox2025 · 02/03/2025 04:49

Did you say nothing? You could 'warn' her that doing that might be 'taken the wrong way' by her employers and other students/their parents (even though it doesn't sound like it's wrong in fact)

I was too taken aback to say anything. She was totally fan girling over this young lad, it was quite jarring. He know her well enough now to know she would sleep with him if the chance presented itself. I know she has had sex in our work place with someone she was seeing, it was out of hours. I think she regards herself as something like a 60s constantly stoned hippy with an open sexuality in every sense of the word. That’s fine and dandy with me, an 18 year old student is another matter.

I wish she hadn’t told me. And she said it so casually, just as you would say pass the salt or something. Maybe decades of marajuana use has adled her brain a bit. I feel a tiny bit guilty by association.

It has made me see her in a different light. Am I being judgemental, after all, this is nothing to do with me, she is actually senior to me.

OP posts:
Glorybox2025 · 02/03/2025 04:49

Did you say nothing? You could 'warn' her that doing that might be 'taken the wrong way' by her employers and other students/their parents (even though it doesn't sound like it's wrong in fact)

daisypetula · 02/03/2025 04:44

Takemebacktowhen · 02/03/2025 04:36

My colleague and I have become quite close and spend a lot of weekends together. She has confided in my about a lot of things.

She is a lecturer to some teenage students. Today she apparently called a taxi for herself and an 18 year old student. She said she had given him her number and would like to take him to an exhibition. She described this young lad as exquisitely beautiful, that he is an ethnic minority that she is hugely attracted to.

I found this confession uncomfortable. It’s inappropriate isn’t it. The fetishisation of a minority was very unpleasant as well.

How would you take something like that. Should I just keep my beak out and mind my own bloody business.

Whatever you decide she's in the wrong job.
Lecturers should never have relationships with students, 18 or not.