55 year old female Reader interested in teenage boys

This is worth a read too. https://thetab.com/2023/10/30/university-staff-student-relationships

its 2 years old but at the time of writing was quite clear that many universities “allow” relationships between staff and students. Certainly my university allows it (unless things have changed since I did my safeguarding training a few years ago and I’d like to think if it had changed staff would have been told and 8 haven’t heard of a change). Not that I would ever have a relationship with a student! Quite a few of my students have my mobile phone number btw so that’s not a red flag in itself. I have to use my mobile to ring students as the university has removed all telephones due to the cost!

Mind you, Reader makes it sound like a university lecturer job title. Very identifying, then. Can't be too many about who can be described in this way, you'd hope.

Lecturers also here. Nothing would happen in our university. We’ve had a member of the department marry a student before. The most that would occur is they would have to sit out of the room during exam boards when marks are officiated.

Eh? Fantasy with a student!? It’s deeply inappropriate and should be reported. I teach 6th Formers this age and wouldn’t dream of handing out my number or meeting up with them on a weekend! And the idea of fantasising over them turns my stomach.

They are both adults.
The old lecturer might just be flowery with language and express adoration of youth and respect and interest in a certain minority culture. She's introducing him to an exhibition which he will enjoy.
He possibly thinks of her like a mentoring old Aunt.

If you need to say anything, speak directly with her (who is communicating openly about her feelings). Speak about your concern the excursion could be seen the wrong way and that she could be leaving herself open to being sued if she spends time alone with any student. They could wrongly cry sexual harrassment etc. Offer to go along as an extra to wonderful concerts and exhibitions.

I get the OPs dilemma if the person hasn’t actually done anything yet. What good would reporting do apart from bring a shower of shit down on her? No senior academic is going to get sacked for giving their phone number to a student. They will be able to say it’s all totally innocent, etc, etc.

The most that will happen is they’d “warned off” and I guess it might put them off trying to take things up a level. Which yes would be good for the student. I’d report if I thought there was no way it could be traced back to me. So could the concern which is reported be of a more general nature about her behaviour? What of you’re the only person she’s told about the taxi and phone number? Then she would know it was you.

Check the code of conduct first. I'd certainly be easing out of the friendship ASAP.

I'm fairly sure this is now illegal under the revised rules around positions of trust. The over 18 bit isn't relevent any more.

Wow,

OP hasn't been back to provide further information. This might be a sixth form college rather than a university. Don't know if that makes a difference procedurally. Colleague sounds clueless at best.

So you've reported it as well then?

That's for schools though.

Is it me? How are you going to report this and to whom?

What are 'they' going to do about it?

Nothing has happened and if it does, how is it ever proved?

I get what you are saying OP and this is as creepy as fuck but I can't see any way you can do anything at all about this that might result in actual appropriate action.

You will end up with egg on your face at best and exposing yourself to litigation at worst because there is no such body as the thought police.

In your shoes, I would keep the lines of communication open and speak to this dozy mare and find out if anything does go on. Once you have her word, report it then but trying to report this on what you have currently would be a bit mad and totally counterproductive.

The lecturer/student power imbalance makes in at an offense for her to have sexual contact with this young man

Does it though? I know it may be professional misconduct depending on the rules of the institution in question, but I didn’t think it would be a criminal offence?

If she is a colleague, surely you are fully aware of your work place policies on employee relationships with students? No need to ask here? Follow policy.

What this woman is doing here is inappropriate, but not illegal. She'll find some way of throwing herself under the bus if she escalates it, and yes considering the precariousness of jobs in HE right now I'm happy to fly under the radar on stuff like this.

The fact that he’s over 18 is irrelevant. She’s in a position of authority. See KCSIE.

Hi OP - couple of things:

A) be careful not to give too many specifics - I actually think I may know the person this is about! Though no conclusive proof as yet. Keep it that way - this really isn't the sort of thing you want traced back to you, given what you know and have not acted on so far......

B) definitely report her. If it's the person I think, she does have form as a sexual predator. The lecturer/student power imbalance makes in at an offense for her to have sexual contact with this young man, and rightly so. If you stand by and do nothing now, you are effectively turning a blind eye to sexual abuse. Oh, and yes you are right to feel that the fetishization of ethnic groups is also an exacerbating factor.

It's already crossed the line, in that she has given him her number, called a taxi for the pair of them, and is hoping to essentially take him on a date to an exhibition because she fancies him. (At least that's how I read the OP.)

I'd be pretty grossed out and report word for word. I'd have no problem losing that "friendship."

She's almost old enough to be his grandmother. The student is 18 and technically an adult, but he has literally just left school. He isn't a proper adult yet and 18/19 year olds are at risk of being taken advantage of.

As a lecturer, do you not feel loke you have a responsibility towards your student rather than look to protect yourself in the first instance?

Are you saying that you would act in the same way if a 55yr old male colleague was talking of an 18 yr old female student in the same way.

Ugh…she is a black hole. Very charismatic and love bombs everyone and sucks them into her orbit so when she reveals herself you are compromised and it’s hard to get out without losing something.

If you work at the same educational institution find out the staff code of conduct and check what’s in it. Highlight anything that would demonstrate that her behaviour is putting her (social status) job is at risk. If f the student has a personal tutor maybe flag it up to them.

My dd is year 12 so so 2 years younger than this age boy so boys this age are a little on her radar albeit her male and female friends are her age or a year older / younger. Maybe he is really attractive to her. But he’s a boy. The difference in life experience between 55 and 18 is huge.

If it’s just a fantasy then fine. It’s unlikely he will reciprocate, isn’t it? I couldn’t have imagined sleeping with a 55 year old man when I was that age. I would just keep an eye on it for now tbh. In her head she still thinks she’s 25 or something.

I used to work at a uni where it was not at all uncommon for staff and students to be in relationships. One progressed to marriage.

It felt very odd to me as my background was working in the NHS where staff and client relationships were a big no no. However, noone at the uni seemed to bat an eye lid. Most of the staff student relationships were with male staff and female student.

I personally.think this is v wrong, but it may be something about the culture of the uni/college that these boundary violations are considered acceptable. I assume there is a policy of no student staff relationships? 18 is a v consenting adult age but the power dynamic feels.off,.and the undertone of ethnic generalisations feels.v uncomfortable