55 year old female Reader interested in teenage boys

Considering we had faculty couples (around same age)in our department, I don’t think anything would happen. The young man is 18, it is a taxi ride, that’s it so far.

@daisypetula

Why did you quote the post? You were the second post FFS. We know who you're replying to.

I've just looked up the policy on this at my university. If we feel there is an inappropriate or non consensual relationship or conduct we are supposed to report to line manager, or use anonymous whistle blowing.
This doesn't include sharing phone numbers, or lifts, or going to activities off campus together. We are all adults and these are part of our job.

I’m sorry I can’t take this seriously.

Literally the same! Because of resits/level 2 years etc some of my sixth form students are 20 but I certainly don’t see them as fantasy fodder and I’ve never known colleagues to show any sign of attraction or interest in them - in fact we’ve often talked of how ludicrous it seems as they’re so like children in our eyes! I have known someone to be formally investigated and disciplined for comments somewhat less than what’s being reported here. I know the case and the person definitely had no sexual interest in students at all but the way the comments were interpreted left them open to accusations of misconduct under safeguarding rules. An overreactions in some ways but I can also see why the institution acted the way they did.

I agree if she does insist she's sharing a taxi with them I'd report that she has shared a taxi and is considering pursuing an inappropriate relationship with them. As she's my friend I'd want to give her chance to back down first but if she doesn't it should be reported.

If she's interested in 18 year olds technically that's not illegal, though personally I find it odd as you do.

However she should clearly not be coming on to a student. Clearly this is inappropriate morally and could cost her job and reputation. I'd say something like wouldn't want to be seen to form a close friendship with a student, it could cost you your job. I may report it depending on what she does.

I don't think they have "Readers" in sixth form colleges.

Disturbed by the number of people here suggesting you just stay out of it. It absolutely needs to be reported as a potential abuse of power. I work in FE not HE and as such I'm classed as in loco parentis for my students, who go up to age 19 in some cases. If I were to pursue any kind of unprofessional relationship with a student, including sharing taxis with them or commenting on feeling attraction to them, I'd rightly be struck off as a minimum and could potentially be documented as a sex offender. This has been the case since I started teaching at 22, when I was just 3 years older than some of my oldest students. It shouldn't matter that this is a HE institution. 18 is barely out of school. If it were a 55 year old male behaving this way towards an 18 year old female I have no doubt there'd be more consensus over reporting it.

Personally I agree university staff should keep their relationship with students of any age entirely professional and not cross those boundaries. There is an imbalance of power due to being in a position of authority.

However, the age of majority is 18. University students (apart from in Scotland and maybe some child geniuses!) are adults. These are adult environments. Rules will be different to 6th-form colleges where a majority of students are legally children.

Vulnerable people of any age should be protected, but once we are in the adult world we can’t extend the same age-based protection as for children.

It would be disturbing and weird whatever his ethnicity was...would it be somehow less disturbing if the kid was white?

Plus if she’s told you everything and it’s all innocent she has nothing to worry about, if she’s happy to share it with you and didn’t say it’s a secret then why wouldn’t you pass it on in innocent convo to other colleagues? So either way there’s no harm reporting/passing on what you know

assuming you both work at a uni etc and the student goes there I’d deffo report it to whoever is her line manager senior. It’s wholly inappropriate and the student may already be uncomfortable but not know how to say no, so may have done things she hasn’t told you- the tip of the ice berg so to speak

I'm a university lecturer too. I occasionally have to give students my mobile no - usually here we'd be talking postgrad students I'm doing fieldwork with or attending a research meeting or conference so I need to meet them outside the workplace. But it has been undergrad students doing research with me. I'm in STEM and mentor a lot of students doing research. I've given students lifts, and occasionally they've given me lifts. There is no rule against this.

If I heard a colleague talking about a student like this I'd be looking up the policy on staff student relationships and giving her a personal warning. She sounds like she thinks this is acceptable so she's unlikely to complain about you.

By the way I've also warned students (postgrad) about being alone with an overly friendly middle aged male colleague (a visitor, not an employee of my university). If you think she's verging on the physical, you could warn the student as well.

I have a similar-ish role, although my students are definitely adults (mostly mid 20s). It wouldn’t be out of order for me to arrange to have a coffee with one of them (as one might do with any business acquaintance), but anything more than that would definitely be frowned upon and (rightly) seen as inappropriate. Even if it was on a strictly friendly basis. So your friend is being rather foolish, to put it mildly. That said - if it is just what it is - she’s taken him to see an exhibition, then she’s probably still on the right side of the line, especially when we are talking about another adult. I’d say she’s left herself wide open for her actions to be misinterpreted, though…..

Do safeguards apply to over 18 year olds in the same way though?

jn the uk we see them as adults and capable of making poor decisions if they want to, unless we deem them ‘vulnerable’ (or whatever the current parlance is) and that’s quite a high bar.

yea it’s icky and creepy but I’m not sure anything has actually happened

Why should she 'watch her own back'?

Saying things like that would stop people reporting.

If this was a man you’d be repulsed and want to report him! She’s just as bad and a 55 year old woman being attracted to an 18 year old is bad enough but given she’s the lecturer it’s just creepy! I’d tell her you find it inappropriate and you’d recommend she doesn’t seem him out of a teaching setting. It’s weird and I’d not be able to be associated with her.

Whether something meets the threshold or not doesn't need to be your decision. That's for the designated safeguarding lead, who has had appropriate training and experience. You have a concern, report it and let someone else make the call regarding intervention. Then your conscience is clear if something does escalate.

And let possible abuse take place? I hope you don't work anywhere with anyone slightly vulnerable.

The whole point of safeguarding is that you can raise a cause for concern.

All you say is exactly her words. Then you are not accusing her of anything.

Trained people take it from there.

University lecturers shouldn’t be meeting students at weekends or handing out their personal numbers to students. Regardless of the age of the student. As for people saying their lecturers married students and no one batted an eyelid, that is worrying to me. They still have access to vulnerable young people and they should be safeguarded the same as 6th formers.

Is it? I’m not saying it doesn’t have the potential to be so but not sure handing out a mobile number and sorting out a taxi/art exhibition as a one off counts as that?

i just asked AI what predatory behaviour in a relationship is and it gave quite a detailed list, none of which i think counts here. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s poor judgement on her part. I think a 55yo woman being interested in an 18yo is pretty gross. But just not sure the university would care. If the 18yo was to make a complaint and say he felt he was being predated on that would be different. OP really need to read her institution’s policy ASAP to see what their actual stance is.

AI says:

Predatory behavior in relationships refers to a pattern of manipulative and controlling actions used by one partner to exploit, harm, or gain power over the other, often involving tactics like isolation, gaslighting, guilt-tripping, and excessive possessiveness, with the goal of establishing dominance and undermining the victim's self-esteem.

Key characteristics of predatory behavior in relationships:
Love bombing:
An initial intense display of affection and attention to quickly gain trust and dependence from the victim.
Isolation:
Deliberately cutting the victim off from friends and family to increase their reliance on the predator.
Gaslighting:
Distorting reality and making the victim doubt their own perceptions and sanity.
Constant criticism:
Undermining the victim's self-worth through continuous negative comments and belittlement.
Guilt-tripping:
Manipulating the victim into feeling responsible for the predator's negative emotions.
Financial control:
Controlling access to money and finances to exert power over the victim.
Jealousy and possessiveness:
Excessive monitoring and suspicion of the victim's actions and interactions.
Threats and intimidation:

Depends on your definition of predatory doesn’t it.

In the gender reverse a 55 year old senior lecture engineering a situation (taxi) to be alone with 18 year old first year student and giving them special treatment (talking to an exhibition) and making it clear to the student they want to sleep with then - all sounds very predatory.

OP report it using your safeguarding processes. If she is as open as you say it is very probable you aren’t the only person she has told so there should be no repercussions. If there are refer to the whistle blowing policy.

Be factual in your report and don’t draw inferences then pass it on further up the chain.

Surprised about some comments here, and imagining how different they would be if it was a 55 year old men commenting and booking a taxi to go on a date with a 18 years girl student. It’s creepy behaviour regarding of the gender.

There is a power imbalance in the relationship. He is a kid and her student. I don’t think her behaviour is innocent, she is predating on her students. I would be reviewing conduct policies for your workplace and would definitely distance from her. If she asks tell her why.