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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Food etiquette when hosting dinner

115 replies

OtterlyMad · 01/03/2025 20:06

I have an old friend who regularly invites me and my husband around for dinner, and either serves us shop-bought pizzas or asks to order takeaway. AIBU to think this is weird and lazy? She’s a SAHM and the dinners are always planned weeks (or even months) in advance. My husband and I avoid takeaways because we’re trying to lose weight, plus they’re overpriced and we find the options locally to be quite uninspiring (we live in a small town so the choice is mediocre Indian vs. mediocre Chinese). When we invite people over for dinner, we make an effort to serve nice homemade food. I know they cook proper dinners for their kids, so I don’t understand why they can’t make even a spag bol for us?! Last time I actually offered to cook something and bring it with us, but my friend got awkward/defensive.

Are we being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Miaowzabella · 02/03/2025 06:33

Your friends are lazy and bad hosts. If you specifically invite people for a meal, the convention is that you cook for them, though it does not have to be an elaborate menu. A simple pasta dish and a salad can be assembled in minutes.

GrandHighPoohbah · 02/03/2025 05:58

If you're losing weight, then just plan ahead for the takeaway. Skip lunch that day and share one portion with your DH instead of getting one each. But it sounds like you don't really want to see them - most people would go for the company and friendship.

HoppingPavlova · 02/03/2025 05:51

I can cook but I never cook for guests unless doing a lunch bbq. Otherwise I order nice takeaway food (all at our own expense, would never ask people to contribute). I prefer to prioritise time with guests over cooking, faffing in kitchen, cleaning up etc.

Usually only use disposable plates (proper cutlery though depending on food as often disposable cutlery sub par) so clean up is simply plates/bowls/containers in bin bags and straight out, dirty cutlery in sink to be dealt with after. Always use nice glassware though🤣.

Laralou999 · 02/03/2025 05:37

I get it it’s strange etiquette- but maybe she’s worried about her cooking going wrong/ isn’t a confident cook?

Original poster
OtterlyMad · 01/03/2025 20:33

InTheRainOnATrain · 01/03/2025 20:24

YABU. They obviously want to prioritise seeing you over time in the kitchen, don’t care that much about food, are done after already having cooked for the kids and can’t afford/find a decent sitter to allow them to get out. It shouldn’t really matter if they’re good friends and the evening is otherwise good fun. These meet ups sound like thry aren’t that frequent if they’re in planned months in advance, thus implying you go months between seeing them, so really can you not cope with a very occasional supermarket pizza or mediocre takeaway for the sake of the friendship?

You know what, I think you’ve hit the nail on the head here… I’m actually not that fussed about seeing them (we‘ve grown apart over the years and now really different people) so that’s probably why it irritates me that they make so little effort with the food. Thank you for helping me to see this.

OP posts:
CalleOcho · 01/03/2025 20:31

have an old friend who regularly invites me and my husband around for dinner, and either serves us shop-bought pizzas or asks to order takeaway. AIBU to think this is weird and lazy?

Yes YABU.

Don’t go if you don’t want to eat shop bought pizza or takeaway.

Jesus, I couldn’t imagine writing such a bitchy and snobby thread about a friend.

Do them a favour and end the friendship.

Dolambslikemintsauce · 01/03/2025 20:30

Take yourself something to warm up. They can get a take away..

Katemax82 · 01/03/2025 20:28

Runningoutofthyme · 01/03/2025 20:19

So say thanks for hosting, shall I bring a lasagne over?
Or just say you’re out for a big lunch so just have nibbles and not food
you either want to spend time with them or you don’t

Edited
Show quote history

She offered food and it was awkward

InTheRainOnATrain · 01/03/2025 20:24

YABU. They obviously want to prioritise seeing you over time in the kitchen, don’t care that much about food, are done after already having cooked for the kids and can’t afford/find a decent sitter to allow them to get out. It shouldn’t really matter if they’re good friends and the evening is otherwise good fun. These meet ups sound like thry aren’t that frequent if they’re in planned months in advance, thus implying you go months between seeing them, so really can you not cope with a very occasional supermarket pizza or mediocre takeaway for the sake of the friendship?

CoralDreamer · 01/03/2025 20:20

Do you have a good evening? Is the company enjoyable? If so then I fail to see the issue. How often do you go round? Unless it’s weekly then a takeaway a month for example isn’t going to affect weight loss anymore than a homemade lasagne would. If she’s a SAHM then maybe she’s sick of cooking or eating batch cooked meals and wants to chill with a pizza and a glass of wine.
In my friendship group, me and another friend enjoy cooking so happily do so when we host. Another friend just isn’t in to it so it will be a takeaway or freezer food. We value the company rather than the food served.
Of course you could put your foot down and insist that as she hosts and provides food every time then it’s really your turn to bring the meal, even if they do prefer staying at home. It doesn’t sound like it would go down well though.

Runningoutofthyme · 01/03/2025 20:19

OtterlyMad · 01/03/2025 20:16

Honestly we would happily host every time but they have kids and we don’t - they say they prefer to stay at home so they don’t have to get a babysitter.

Show quote history

So say thanks for hosting, shall I bring a lasagne over?
Or just say you’re out for a big lunch so just have nibbles and not food
you either want to spend time with them or you don’t

Original poster
OtterlyMad · 01/03/2025 20:16

Runningoutofthyme · 01/03/2025 20:07

If it’s a regular thing stop agreeing to go and invite them round instead if your hosting is superior

Honestly we would happily host every time but they have kids and we don’t - they say they prefer to stay at home so they don’t have to get a babysitter.

OP posts:
Original poster
OtterlyMad · 01/03/2025 20:10

FanofLeaves · 01/03/2025 20:07

She probably wants a relaxing evening socialising and not cooking or washing up 🤷🏻‍♀️

Edited

Yeah I totally understand that - but I would served a lasagne that I’ve prepared ahead of time, or bung something in the slow cooker. Frozen pizzas from the supermarket just feel so low effort.

OP posts:
Runningoutofthyme · 01/03/2025 20:07

If it’s a regular thing stop agreeing to go and invite them round instead if your hosting is superior

FanofLeaves · 01/03/2025 20:07

She probably wants a relaxing evening socialising and not cooking or washing up 🤷🏻‍♀️