Food etiquette when hosting dinner

Serving pizza or ordering a takeaway is fine as a one off/spur of the moment get together imo. If I invite people to dinner it's carefully planned, I love doing it. However if I didn't then I would be getting something from Coik or M&S dine in and cooking it. Something that looks as though I've at least made an effort. Do you pay half for the takeaway?

*you are on a adults only wavelength where the food is key and the host has plenty of time.

They are a family , time short , see a takeaway as a treat they can share with you*

I came on to say this, too. You can go out to fancy restaurants any time and probably cooking at home is the treat for you. They are home literally all the time and can't afford either the time or money to go out, or both. For them, standing cooking in their own kitchen isn't the treat. The treat is adult company and an excuse NOT to cook.

You've realised you don't like them anyway, so that's ok. It's interesting though, this thing about different lifestyles seems to trip people up a lot on here, and probably real life too. It's always some variant of -people without children blissfully have no idea how much time and autonomy they take for granted, while people with children have no ability to flex round others and can be blinkered about how their priorities aren't as important to others.

If she cooked you meals would this even be an issue and the need to extract ourselves from the cough friendship cough?

You don't want to be friends so it should be easier to be honest and say "Thanks for the invitation but we are avoiding takeaways at the moment. You are welcome to come to us" especially if they won't come.

I actually wouldn't mind a takeaway at someone's house. It's not like I eat them every day. A pizza is a bit lazy for a dinner but would be okay with some salad or something else for lunch.

I get the takeaway bit, and you are being very good hosts in paying for it. I can't get past the disposable plates, though 😱 I would find that very weird - give me a normal plate!

If you’ve told them you’re trying to lose weight, offered to bring food and they still serve you a frozen pizza then that would really piss me off and I wouldn’t bother going again.

Maybe next time say "Great, really looking forward to seeing you. What are we having? Shall I bring a salad" and then bring a substantial salad that you can eat a slice or two of pizza with.

Maybe they can’t cook and are embarrassed? Plus want a chilled night. If you’re not bothered then make excuses and let it fizzle out!

It sounds as though she's either not a very competent cook, doesn't enjoy cooking, or most likely both as they tend to go hand in hand.

I don't think the 'she's a SAHM so should be able to spend hours cooking' is relevant - it's up to her how she spends her time.

The deal on the table is a takeaway, so go or don't go. There are always takeaway options that are healthier if you choose carefully from the menu. You mention home-made lasagne as an example of something she could prepare in advance to serve - that's not going to be brilliant for a weight loss diet either!

Maybe she can't cook or has no confidence cooking for others? I have a friend who always orders a take away when people come over. She pays. She admits it's because she lacks confidence in her cooling skills.

Yabu.

You're there for the company, not the food. We've been to people's houses and been given sausage, beans and chips. Pizza. Nuggets. We don't mind or care. Someone else has cooked

I actually feel you op. I'm in the same position. They have kids so we go there. They serve frozen pizza or takeaway. I'm on weightloss journey and don't want to eat either, when I've took my own she has an issue, if I say I've already eaten she gossips behind my back that I'm being unhealthy with my weightless, when I tried to explain I wanted to eat more healthier I was told I was being silly and deserve a treat- I'm going to stop going which upsets me
I don't think you're being a bitch or snob as others suggest here, just want different things

I have started making things easy and stress free when we host by not getting too stressed by the food when people come over .
eg a family coming for dinner with their kids

• Supermarket pizzas plus crudities and dips

Another time when we were 12 people - I did curry - two dishes homemade , one a jar of korma sauce over chicken.

Another time I made lasagna and salad but bowls of crisps rather than a starter and ice cream for pudding .

IT takes so long to clean / tidy / set up a table for hosting when you have a family that if you keep the food simple , you can enjoy hosting and make time to see your friends. There was nice wine, lots of laughter and the friends knew they were coming for pizza .

I think you have different mindsets here. I suspect she would be upset to read your views.

you are on a adults only wavelength where the food is key and the host has plenty of time.

They are a family , time short , see a takeaway as a treat they can share with you .i presume you are not being asked to pay ?!

It's true. I wish I'd invested in a pizza franchise earlier in life. My extended family love them and spend a fortune on them and I just puzzle over how soggy cheese on toast became so universally popular and expensive. I expect they'll be chomping right now on cold slices of the extra ones they always order for breakfast the following day. No thanks, definitely not.

Sorry but ‘nothing could induce me to eat a pizza’ has really made me laugh this morning. Dear god 🤣🤣

You don't have to accept an invitation, it's not compulsory. Nothing could induce me to eat a pizza, lumps of semi-cooked dough with stringy 'cheese', or other takeaway even offered as part of a dinner invitation. Your friend may think she's doing something nice for you. Don't take part.

Stop going to visit her. You have said you have drifted apart and actually this post is unkind towards her. You are expecting a proper dinner, they just want to chill with friends. You have said you don't really want to go. The best thing to do is to put an end to it.

I think I am in a minority here and think yanbu. I wouldn’t look forward to the sameness of a supermarket pizza or average takeaway for dinner, especially when trying to keep in shape. It isn’t hard to put together a simple menu. If it isn’t an exciting time and the friendship is drifting, I wouldn’t bother again, maybe meet just for a coffee instead.

I can't believe anyone thinks you're being unreasonable!

They sound like awful hosts, lazy and can't be arsed. Why invite you around if they can't be bothered making a basic effort?

And why be arsey with you when you've suggested to being food? Sounds like they just want to eat junk food.

Presumably her priority for these nights is socialising with her old friends - not the food. It sounds like the opposite is true of you.

edited as misread SAHM as single mum

I wouldn't be bothered by a nice take-away - not pizza though.

But paper plates???!!!!! No...... Just no

I’m glad you’ve sorted it out in your mind. We can all be so strange with friendships at times , keeping them going in an almost vegetative state when it’s probably best for all concerned to pull the plug in a kind way. Perhaps she feels exactly the same and that is why she can’t be arsed to cook for you. I think now you’ve realised you’re just not keen on her as a friend anymore, ending the dinners will feel quite liberating

Say

we will bring the takeaway as a surprise and say - we’re not coming unless we can treat you for a change

then make a delicious easy to transport dish in foil containers & take with you